177. It's Time to Shoot Your Shot -- Even When You'd Rather Look Away

Laurie opens this episode mid-story -- crossing a street, spotting someone she admires, and doing what she's done her whole life: looking away.

What follows is one of the most personal episodes she's recorded. It's the story of her relationship with Ellen Yin — media company founder, host of the Cubicle to CEO podcast, keynote speaker, and one of the most gracious humans Laurie has encountered in six years of building this business. Across four years and four distinct moments, Laurie traces the evolution from moving chicken around a plate at a lunch table to waking up to a DM that said: Laurie, I adore you.

But this episode isn't really about Ellen. It's about the conditioning that makes high-achieving women invisible to themselves -- and what it actually looks like to start unlearning it. At 54. After years of doing this work. Still.

The theme woven through this year's Craft + Commerce conference: shoot your shot. Be delusionally confident. Stop being the first person to tell yourself no.

This episode is Laurie's honest reckoning with all of it.

What we cover

• The cold open: crossing the street, recognizing Ellen Yin, and the instinct to look away — and what that one moment reveals about a lifetime of habits
• What happened at the lunch table four years ago — the salad, the chicken, the over-explaining, and the classic nervous deflection of proving how much you know when what you're actually feeling is: do I even deserve to be here?
• The DM that changed everything: how Laurie shot her shot, flew to Oregon, drove 90 minutes in commuter traffic, and spent an extraordinary day learning from someone she admired
• The crosswalk moment — last year's Craft + Commerce — and why she looked away when she could have made the connection herself
• This year's conference: walking into the breakout room, the hug, the lit-up face, and what it felt like to be seen by someone she'd assumed was too important, too busy, too far above her to see her
• Why the tech not working in the room didn't matter — and the Maya Angelou quote that's been living in Laurie's head ever since
• Getting in the photo line — the internal negotiation of "why not me?" — and waking up to Laurie, I adore you
• Little Laurie: the conditioning, the beliefs, the habits that were formed so long ago she didn't know she was still running them
• "I just stopped being the first person to tell myself no" — the keynote line that reframes everything
• The three micro-shots from this year's conference: asking for the free signed book, getting the photo with Ellen, joining a lunch group that felt out of her league
• Why it's not the ask that's the problem — it's the belief we've attached to the ask
• Four takeaways for shooting your shot, being seen, and doing this work for as long as it takes

The four takeaways

1. The look-away is a habit, not a truth.
When you feel the impulse to make yourself smaller, to assume someone is too important to see you, to talk yourself out of making the ask — that is old conditioning running a very old program. You can notice it. You don't have to keep obeying it.

2. Shooting your shot is a skill — and it gets easier.
Not because the fear goes away, but because you build evidence. The ask doesn't kill you. The worst thing people can say is no — and no is not a rejection of you. It means not right now. You keep asking. At some point, they say yes.

3. The gift of being seen starts with letting yourself be visible.
Ellen couldn't have touched Laurie's arm at the crosswalk if Laurie had walked the other way. Every time we make ourselves invisible, we rob someone else of the chance to surprise us.

4. We are never done with this work.
At 54. After years of coaching herself and others. Laurie still looked away at the crosswalk last year. Still moved the chicken around the plate four years ago. The difference isn't that the impulse is gone. It's that she notices it faster — and sometimes, not always but more often, does the thing anyway. That's the work. That's all this is.

Quotable moments

"She made the connection when I wasn't going to do it myself."

"I just stopped being the first person to tell myself no."

"Being delusionally confident doesn't mean you don't feel the fear. It means you make the ask anyway -- and you let other people decide whether to say yes."

"It's not the ask that's the problem. It's the belief we attach to the ask."

"Every time we make ourselves invisible, we rob someone else of the chance to surprise us."

"The difference between now and four years ago isn't that I've eliminated the impulse. It's that I notice it faster. And sometimes I do the thing anyway."

"You shouldn't have to shoot your shot alone."

"People will forget what you said. They will forget what you did. But they will never forget how you made them feel." — Maya Angelou

"Go make someone feel something this week. Might as well start with yourself."

People + resources mentioned

• Ellen Yin — founder of Ellen Yin Media, host of the Cubicle to CEO podcast 
• Craft + Commerce Conference — annual creator conference hosted by Kit in Boise, Idaho
• Kit — Laurie's new email service provider (formerly ConvertKit) 
• James Clear — author of Atomic Habits (30 million copies sold)
• Maya Angelou — "People will forget what you said. They will forget what you did. But they will never forget how you made them feel."

BEST LIFE Mastermind

Everything in this episode -- the looking away, the over-explaining, the belief that someone else's question matters more than yours, the feeling that you're not worth remembering -- is exactly the work we do inside the BEST LIFE Mastermind. Not in theory. In practice. With ten women who will see you when you want to make yourself invisible. Who will nudge your arm at the crosswalk when you're about to look away.

→ Apply now
→ Book a 15-minute call with Laurie
 

 Retreat 1 — Sun Valley, Idaho · September 1–4, 2026
 Retreat 2 — Civana Wellness Resort + Spa · Carefree, Arizona · February 23–26, 2027

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Transcript

0:00

I was crossing the street and I looked up and saw someone I recognized, someone I admire enormously, someone I've learned from, worked with, spent money to be in the room with. And my first instinct, my immediate automatic, not even a conscious thought instinct was to look away. That tells you everything you need to know about what I'm talking about today. Let's get into it. Real quick, before we get into today's episode, I wanna talk to you about the Best Life Mastermind. For years, the coaching industry has given high-achieving women a choice, invest in your career or invest in your life, executive coaching or life coaching, leadership at work or clarity at home, as if our lives were separated into two different parts. Here's what nobody has said out loud. You cannot separate the leader from the life she's living. If she's burned out at home, she's gonna be burned out at work. If she doesn't know what she wants from her life, then she doesn't fully know what she wants from her career either. The Best Life Mastermind is built on a different premises, personal leadership development for the whole woman. Because the clearest, most fulfilled, most purposeful version of you, she shows up everywhere: at work, at home, in every room you walk into. I want to invite you to join me as a founding member in the Best Life Mastermind. Here's what's included. Two in-person luxury retreats at award-winning destinations, Sun Valley, Idaho in September and the incredible Civana Wellness Resort Spa in Arizona in February. All accommodations, meals, and spa appointments will be included. Monthly personal leadership coaching calls and an intimate private community of like-minded women doing this work together, hosted off of social media and away from the noise. Nine months, 10 women, two in-person retreats, monthly coaching calls, everything included except your travel. Applications open right now. Click the link in the show notes Now, let's get into today's episode. Hey friends, welcome back to another episode of the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. Very excited about today's episode. It's a little personal. It's something that happened to me at the Craft and Commerce Conference here in Boise last week I thought about it while it was happening. I didn't really recognize it so much until I was out on a walk the next day. Suffice it to say, I feel like it's good content for today's episode because I had an experience, and I have for several years now, with someone that I have admired for years. But what happened this weekend cracked something open in me. And because I know that what I experienced is something that most of you have experienced too, I think it's good to talk about it on the podcast today. Okay? Before we go there, though, Craft and Commerce is this incredible conference of creators that assembles every year in Boise. I love that it is in my hometown, so I can sleep in my bed, and I can walk my dog, Theo, in the mornings, and my schedule, other than being at a conference all day and all night, my schedule doesn't change that much. And I don't have to travel, which means there isn't a lot of downtime on either end of the conference that contributes to conference exhaustion, you know, that kind of post-conference tiredness. Kit is the new email service provider that I have transferred my stack to. If you are getting my Sunday newsletter, you realize that it's easier to read. That's because that is what they are in the business of doing. So it's this incredible homegrown company that brings in world-class speakers, and it, it was a great the conference was great. Last year there was a lot of talk about AI and how that was gonna impact the creator economy. When I talk about creators, I'm talking about people who make content either online, social media, podcasts, maybe they write books, but they are Their business is creating content for people to consume. I'm not talking about influencers so much. I'm talking about people who actually write the book and talk on podcasts and have YouTube channels, some of them are movie directors. I mean, the, it is a wide range of individuals who come to Craft and Commerce, but it's the most community focused conference that I go to every year. I absolutely love it. Last year we were talking a lot about AI and how AI would impact creator economy. This year, it almost felt like Th- there wasn't really a theme for the conference, but the keynotes and many of the workshops, the breakout sessions, it felt like there was this theme running through all of the sessions, which is, it's time. It's time to shoot your shot and be delusionally confident in making an ask. Or just make the ask, like be bold and make the ask. Stop waiting until you think that you've got it all figured out, that you've got something important to say. Just do the damn thing Admittedly, these are not things I have historically done Instead, I get stuck planning or waiting until something is perfect. I certainly don't want to look like a beginner at something. These are all things that I have had to check in myself. They are topics that we cover in my coaching because I understand how they play into high achievers and people pleasers and perfectionists. E- even if you would paint yourself as a recovering people pleaser or a recovering perfectionist, you still have those tendencies, and I did too for a very, very long time. And in fact, the reason I wanna talk to you about what happened is because these making bold asks and being delusionally confident, shooting your shot, those are not things that I have historically done. Even now, even at 54, even after years of doing this work, I am still learning about it. So let's dive in. Ellen Yin owns a media company. She is based in Oregon. She's, like, early 30s at this point. When I first met her, though, she was in her late 20s, and I first met her at a retreat where she was delivering a keynote, and that was probably four years ago. I met her because we were seated at the same table for lunch. Now, if I would've known she was gonna sit at that table, I probably wouldn't have chosen to sit there because, um, when it comes to being in close proximity to people who I think are important, a lot of times I shy away from that. So here we are at the same table for lunch. This was right after she had spoken to us, and admittedly, I, I, I was a little starstruck. I was, I was probably more than a little starstruck. When I figured out that she was gonna sit by me, it was like, "Oh, God. I mean, what could I possibly add to this conversation?" She sits down. Everyone else at the table is thrilled to have the keynote speaker at the table, and they are just peppering her with questions, and she is answering them in the most direct, honest way. She, uh, she is just a gem of a human. I love everything about her. She is an advocate for women. She is a cheerleader for women. She's just, she's just a good human. And so while I'm sitting there, you know, just kinda picking at the salad that I, I made at the buffet line and moving the chicken around on my plate with my fork and knife, other people are taking this opportunity to ask her questions 'cause they understand that you don't get this kind of access all the time. Me, I'm just not adding anything to the conversation, just, like I said, moving the chicken around on my plate and, and kind of eating my food, nodding approvingly at every answer she gave, very interested in the conversation, but certainly not contributing anything to the conversation. I feel like that I do that a lot, or I have over the years, which is my default is to just to sit back and watch and think about how what is going on could actually apply to me, but I don't oftentimes offer things up until I am asked to contribute. At some point, Ellen turns to me, I'm literally sitting right next to her, and she asked me what I did. And I proceeded to stumble over trying to explain who I am, what I do at The School of Midlife. I'm sure, looking back, that I must have started with, "Well, I was a commercial real estate attorney for the first 20 years of my career." You know, to kinda explain that I have the credentials and the certifications, and I am a smart person, even if I can't explain to you what it is that I do in this business that I'm trying to build. I don't know if you do this or if you can relate to this, but I find that when I don't have a clear answer to a question, or if I don't actually know what the point is that I'm trying to explain, I tend to overexplain. My default mode is throwing in all sorts of certifications, talking about Work experience, talking about everything that I know that I am trying to prove to you that I am smart and capable. I n- I, I don't know why I do that. But if, if instead of copping to the feeling that, you know, maybe I don't have the exact right answer, or my mind has completely gone blank when you ask me a question about what it is that I do, my default is to just talk and talk and talk and talk and talk about nothing. Give you all of the information that I think you need to understand that I am smart and I belong at this table, and that's exactly what I did when Ellen turned to me and asked me what I did. I mean, we'll call it the classic nervous deflection of proving how much I know when what I was really doing, looking back, was trying to cover up this feeling of, "I don't even know if I deserve to be here." Does anybody else do that? Like, when you don't wanna look dumb, you just, you talk about everything you know. Um, n- that's what I did. That's what I have done for many, many years. That's what I did in this particular instance. Fast-forward six, eight, 12 months. I d- I don't actually remember, but I was listening to one of Ellen's podcasts, Cubicle to CEO, and she was talking about this new opportunity that she was thinking about offering up some available spaces for. I sent her a DM. I said, "Ellen, I don't know if you're gonna remember me. I'm, I'm sure you won't. You know, we, um, we met at this conference, this mastermind. We actually sat next to each other at lunch. I love your podcast. I would absolutely love to work with you on this thing that you're talking about doing." She wrote back, "Absolutely I remember you. We had this great conversation at lunch." I mean, it was Even if she didn't remember who I was, she made me feel like she did. I ended up working with her one on one. I was there for a day. I flew to Oregon on a very early morning flight. I rented a car, drove an hour and a half in commuter traffic, met with her all day. Ended up having dinner with my college friend in Portland before I flew home that night. It was a super long day, a super long night, but it was this incredible experience of just doing the thing. I wasn't waiting to be invited. She asked if someone would be interested in working with her in this way, and I raised my hand. Like, I took my shot. I, I did it. I, I was bold. I said, "Yeah, I'll do that." And I did, and it was great. I mean, I soaked up everything Ellen said like a complete sponge. She so willingly answered every question I had, validated my experiences as a new business owner, gave me things to think about in a way that I'd never thought about before. Like, ways to monetize my business, ways to show up differently. That, that's what I love so much about coaching, is it's hard to see all of the potential opportunities when you're in the thick of, in my case, business. It could be business. It could be life. That's what I do with my clients. That's, that's why coaching is so great, and it's why you shouldn't wait until you have all of the answers or you feel like you've got your shit figured out to actually invest in coaching, because it's gonna get you there so much quicker. Sometimes all it takes is one person to ask you a single question and everything makes sense. And that's how I felt about my day with Ellen. It was just an incredible day. Okay, I know I'm jumping along around here on the timeline a little bit, but I think it's important. So I met her at a conference, say, four years ago. A year after that, I went and had a one-day in-person intensive with her. Fast-forward another year or two, and I am actually going to the Craft and Commerce conference last year. So this was last year. I happened to be crossing the street at the same time Ellen was. But I, like, I didn't realize that she was gonna be at the conference. It was a newer conference to me. I... Whatever. I looked at her and I thought, "That looks like Ellen." But I was also... It didn't occur to me that she would be in town for the conference. I don't know why. That's kinda silly. I see her across the street. I see her getting ready to come my way, and I do what I typically do, which was I looked away. I didn't think she would remember me. I didn't think that she would recognize me on the street in Boise just walking down the street. So instead of making the connection, instead of embarrassing myself and saying, "You probably don't remember me, but I think we worked together for a day a year ago," I just looked away. I didn't make eye contact with her. And God bless her if she didn't reach out and touch my arm and say, Laurie, is that you?" Think about that. She made the connection when I wasn't gonna do it myself. When my default has been to not put people... I, I say it's not to make people feel uncomfortable, but the more I thought about it, this pattern has been so that I don't feel like I'm invisible. Like, I feel like I'm the person who people shouldn't remember. I spent, I'm gonna say, at least eight hours with her, looking across the table, having lunch with her. I mean, we got into the nitty-gritty. So why wouldn't I think that she would remember me? But instead of setting myself for an- up for an opportunity where I thought it was entirely possible that she would not remember me, to protect myself, I looked away. And I'm so thankful that she grabbed my arm and was like, "Laurie, it's so good to see you." We caught up a little bit. We saw each other on and off at the conference. That was a year ago. Okay, we are finally at this past weekend when I saw Ellen again. Ellen, at this point, is leading a workshop at Craft and Commerce, and she actually gave the final keynote to close the conference. When I walked into the breakout room where she was leading her workshop, Her whole face lit up. She was so enthusiastic. She opened her arms for a big hug, a big hug and a squeeze, and she made me feel like I was in exactly the place that I needed to be, even though I'm at this conference where my business is just a baby business compared to what she's doing and what so many of the other creators were doing. Not to name drop, but James Clear was there. James Clear wrote Atomic Habits. He has sold 30 million copies of that book. It is the number one best-selling book of the last decade. Those are the type of people that were at this conference, and people like me with these little, tiny businesses. What Ellen did by recognizing me when I walked into that breakout room, by lighting up, giving me a smile, giving me a hug, she gave me the best gift by just seeing me, by recognizing me. We chatted very briefly at the beginning because I didn't wanna take up, of course, of course I didn't wanna take up too much of her time because she was preparing to lead a workshop. Meanwhile, other people are walking in. She knows them. She's giving them hugs as well, gracious as all can be. I mean, she's just a, a beautiful, beautiful person. What, what made it even more special, I guess is the right word, is the tech wasn't working in the room. But instead of stressing about the tech because the tech people were on it, there wasn't anything she could do about it, she made everyone feel like she was completely relaxed. Was she? I don't know. Doesn't matter. She saw everyone who walked into that room. She greeted them. The people that she knew, she gave them big hugs. Everyone else, she still made them feel like they belonged. It makes me think about that Maya Angelou quote, and I'll- I'm probably gonna get it wrong, but it's something about "people will forget what you did for them, but they will never forget the way you made me feel." Do you know the one I'm talking about? After she wrapped up the workshop, everyone was packing up their bags to leave. It was time for lunch, and there was this big line kind of swarmed around her to get a photo with her, to talk with her, but mostly to get a photo with her. Normally, I would not stand in that line because I wouldn't think that, like who am I to ask for that? God, I know, I just even listening to myself say this, I know that this sounds ridiculous. But wh- I, I don't wanna put her out. I know she's got other things to do today. There are this whole l- l- line of people. Why would I take her time to put her out and ask her for a photo? But you know what? I did. I got in the line because I thought, "Why not me? Why shouldn't I get a photo with someone I know and admire, someone that I've spent time with and really enjoyed getting to know?" Do I know her well? No. But I know her enough that when she won the crown of Mrs. Oregon last year, I sent her a message congratulating her. I mean, I am rooting for her as much as I can. I recommend her podcast all the time. I share information that she has shared from a coaching perspe- I just, I love her. So of course, why not me? Why wouldn't I get that photo with Ellen? So I did. It was super cute. We took a photo, and I posted it in my story saying I was so excited to see Ellen. Um, she crushed this workshop. She gave an incredible keynote. It was just great to see her. I posted it Friday night before I went to bed, and I woke up Saturday morning with a message from her in my DMs that said, "Laurie, I adore you. So great to catch up, even if for a short time." What a gift she gave me. What a gift to be seen by someone who I assumed was too busy, too far above me, too important to even see me. What a gift to be seen and valued by someone who we think is way above us or way more important than us. Such a gift. It made me start thinking about In protecting myself, in trying to not look foolish or unmemorable, how many times have I not done something because I thought I was wasting somebody's time or because I thought I would look foolish or because I didn't wanna waste... I, I don't know. It's, it's such a weird thing to grapple with, this idea that little Laurie, because all I can think about is the way that I have acted just has to go back to habits and thoughts that I developed as little Laurie, right? Because current Laurie, why wouldn't she ask for the photo? Those are just habits, behaviors that were developed a really, really long time ago. And it's so interesting to me that this is coming up at a time, after a conference where so many of the talks are about shooting your shot, making the ask, being delusionally confident, things that I historically have not done. My way of operating, particularly at conferences, but also in my work life, like I said, rooted in habits that I must have developed as little Laurie. I was the one who never got in trouble. I've literally been spanked twice in my life, and I remember exactly when those happened and why they did. But little Laurie would never say anything to get her in trouble. She wouldn't do anything to get in trouble. She wouldn't even ask for an extra piece of cake or an extra roll at dinner if it meant that it was going to be seen as asking for more than was her fair share. Man, I've been doing it a long time. And I keep thinking about last year and looking away at the crosswalk. That conditioning that has always been playing in the background of don't be a burden, don't put people out, don't make the ask, don't push, don't sell, let your work speak for itself. And you're not worthy of remembering, so don't, don't make a fool out of yourself by seeing somebody across the street in a crosswalk and not saying something to them. I've spent so much of my life Operating with the same specific beliefs. Someone else's question is more important than mine. I have a question, but I shouldn't ask it unless it's perfectly worded because I don't wanna take up everyone's time. With this whole idea that my time and attention somehow mattered less than theirs, which is ridiculous. Because I don't know if you know this or have experienced this, I'm guessing you have, but there are plenty of people out there that talk just to hear themselves talk, that want to ask the question because they want to be seen asking a question. These are not people that sit at the back of the conference. These are people that rush to the microphone, always have their hand up. That has never been me. Because I've had this belief that if I'm asking something, then I'm imposing. And little Laurie learned that imposition is not a good thing. Looking back I know I've missed opportunities that were there for me because I didn't wanna seem like a burden to somebody else. Like, I didn't wanna put them out. I just thought if I was good enough, that my work would speak for itself. And of course, we, we all know that that's not the way things work. I'd like to say that I am done with showing up in that way. I feel like I've been done with it for a while. But here's what's interesting. I don't think we're ever really done. We just keep learning the lessons that life keeps offering up to us. The gift is recognizing the situation or the question or the issues while you're in the moment, right? So this past week at the conference, the gift for me looked like asking for a free copy of someone's book There was an author there signing books. That's what the pile of books were there for. Asking for the copy of book without feeling like I was putting somebody else out because I was asking for a copy of the book, or feeling like somebody else wouldn't get the opportunity to get a book because I asked for the free book. Here's what's interesting. I own that book. I have already purchased it. So it shouldn't be a big, heavy ask for the author who I have already paid to own his book for him to sign a copy to me a free copy when I don't know how many other people in the line have actually read the book or purchased the book. Isn't this... Like, when I talk about it, it seems so ridiculous. I- it just, ugh. But I honestly feel like On the one hand, I feel like I'm done with showing up that way, but then on the other hand, these situations and issues, they keep coming up. Like, is it okay to stand in the line and get a free copy of the book? Is it okay to ask for a picture with the workshop host? Is it okay to ask to join a group of people for lunch when I don't know any of them and that feels way out of my comfort zone? Is this just me? I don't know. I don't think it is, for one And two, what's the problem with the ask? I don't think there is any problem with the ask. I think the problem is the belief that we attach to the ask. That's the problem, right? I mean, asking for a free book, that's what it's there for. I am literally not putting anyone out by asking for a free book. There was an entire stack of them. Yes, there was a line of people, but I was at the end of the line, and there were still plenty of books there, so it wasn't like me taking a book from the author. The whole reason the, the books were there was to get a f- free signed copy from the author. I wasn't taking something away from someone else. Getting the photo with Ellen at the end of the workshop, why not me? Why shouldn't I also be able to ask for a photo with my friend, someone who I know, someone who I've spent more time with than many of the people in the room who unabashedly went up and said, "Can we please get a photo?" So it's not The ask that's the problem. It's the belief related to the ask. It's what we are conditioned to or What we've ended up attaching the meaning to the ask. Does that make sense? One of the keynotes was about being delusionally confident. And I'll say that what I understand about this concept, and I loved her keynote, she was great, being delusionally confident doesn't mean you don't feel the fear. It means you make the ask anyway. You shoot your shot, and you let other people decide whether to say yes or not. She even took it a step further and she said, Sure, there's gonna be fear there. She just stopped being the first person to tell herself no. Isn't that an incredible way to look at it? How many times do we in our lives not take an opportunity because we've told ourself, "That's not for me. It's not the right time for me. No, I, I don't deserve that." "I just stopped being the first person to tell myself no." Love it so much. Here's what I want you to take away from this episode First, that look away in the crosswalk, that's a habit. That's not a truth. When you feel the impulse to make yourself smaller, like I have for a lot of my life, or to assume that someone is too important to see you, or you wanna talk yourself out of making the ask, I've learned that that is not discernment. We might wanna call it discernment, but it's not. It is old conditioning running a very old program. You can notice it, and hopefully the more you do this work, you'll be quicker to actually notice when it's happening, when you're doing that to yourself. Notice it. You don't have to keep operating that way though once you notice it. You can make a different ask. You can be bolder. You can change your mind. So when you feel like someone's too important to see you or talk yourself out of making the ask because you don't think you're important enough Just know that that is a limiting belief. It's a habit, it's not a truth. Second takeaway, shooting your shot, that's a skill. It will get easier, not because the fear goes away, but because you build evidence that you can make the ask. That when you make the ask, it doesn't kill you. The worst thing people can say is no, but that is not a rejection of you. That, that no could mean many, many, many, many, many things. I now choose to believe that a no is, "No, that's not right for me at this time." That doesn't mean that it will always be a no. You have to keep asking. And at some point, the people are gonna say yes. But you gotta keep making the ask. You gotta keep shooting your shot. The fear's not gonna go away. But the ask, the no that you receive, that's not gonna kill you. You have to keep going. You gotta have to keep making the ask. Third takeaway: the gift of being seen, I, like I, I wanna, I wanna word this carefully The gift of being seen starts with letting yourself be visible. Ellen couldn't have seen me at that crosswalk if I'd walked the other direction. She couldn't have given me the gift of lighting up enthusiastically giving me a hug if I didn't approach her when I walked into the room, or if I decided not to go at all because I... What would happen if I showed up and was very excited to see her and she actually didn't remember who I was? Every time we make ourselves invisible, we rob someone else of the chance to surprise us. And the most surprising thing for me, the biggest gift that Ellen gave me was not just recognizing me, but it was the message that she sent me that I woke up to on Saturday morning. "Laurie, I adore you." Gets me a little choked up, honestly. Because I think for so long, so much of my value has been tied to what I do for others in their life, that I have this very old programming that ties my self-worth and how I feel about myself with being busy, with hustling with taking burdens off of other people's plates. That's what I feel like that's what I've done most of my life. That's not the kind of relationship that Ellen and I have, and yet she likes me anyway. This is somebody who adores me just because I show up. Finally, fourth, I think, I think it's four maybe most importantly, we are never done with this work, you guys. I mean, I'm 54. I've done years of coaching myself. I coach other people. I know this stuff in my bones, and last year I still looked away at the crosswalk. I still, four years ago, still moved the chicken around on my plate instead of asking any questions because I didn't wanna be a burden. The difference between now and four years ago isn't that I've eliminated the impulse to not make the ask, to not shoot my shot. It's that I've noticed it faster. And sometimes, not always, but oftentimes now I do the thing anyway, even when I feel like it's scary or I'm not sure that I should do it. Honestly, that has become a trigger for me, an indication that whatever you're worried about, this is exactly what you need to do. You need to step into it. That's the work. That's all this is. This is the work. This is exactly why I built the Best Life Mastermind the way I built it. Not because I have all the answers, I mean, clearly, I am still learning alongside you, but because doing this work in a room full of women who are asking the same questions, who will see you when you wanna make yourself small or invisible, who will nudge your arm the way Ellen nudged mine at that crosswalk last year, that changes something You shouldn't have to shoot your shot alone Applications are still open. The link is in the show notes. I would love for you to join us. If you got questions, book a call with me. Let's talk about it. Let's get them answered. I'm gonna wrap this up 'cause I, I know that this one's gone long, but I'm gonna leave you with that Maya Angelou quote that I actually just looked up. It, it's been replaying in my head since Friday. "People will forget what you said. They will forget what you did, but they will never forget how you made them feel." Go make someone feel something this week. Start with yourself Refuse to be invisible. Make the ask. Be bold. Be delusionally confident. But go make someone feel someone this week. Might as well start with yourself. Thank you so much for being here today. I will see you right back here next week when The School of Midlife is back in session, and until then, take good care. Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews. So if you take a minute and say some nice things about the podcast, well, that's just good karma. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you right back here. Next week when the School of Midlife is back in session until then take good care.