155. SMART Goals Are Ruining Your Personal Life—Here's What to Do Instead

The way you've been setting personal goals is the very thing holding you back from living your biggest life. It’s time to ditch the SMART framework and finally create goals that align with the woman you’re becoming.

Episode Summary:
In this week’s fiery episode, Laurie dismantles one of the most overused—and misused—tools in personal development: the SMART goal framework. You’ve been told to make your goals specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. But when it comes to midlife transformation and building your actual BEST LIFE? That framework might be doing more harm than good.

Laurie explains why applying a corporate goal-setting system to your deeply personal hopes, dreams, and desires keeps you stuck in external validation and false deadlines. She dives into why midlife is the exact moment to let go of achievable, "relevant," and time-bound goals—and finally start designing your own definition of success.

You’ll learn:

• Why throwaway goals feel good—but don’t change your life
• How focusing on what’s “achievable” shrinks your vision
• Why setting personal goals based on relevance is total BS
• The sneaky toxicity of arbitrary deadlines
• How to shift from performance-driven goals to purpose-driven dreams

She also introduces the BEST LIFE™ framework—a game-changing, trademarked system she uses with all her coaching clients to move from burnout to breakthrough.

If 2026 is the year you finally start living for you, this episode is a must-listen.

Resources Mentioned:

• Click here to learn more about 1:1 or group coaching
• Follow Laurie on Instagram: @schoolofmidlife

Take the Conversation Deeper:
Laurie wants to hear from YOU. What was your biggest takeaway from this episode? Slide into her DMs on Instagram or click here to send her an email! 📧

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Transcript

[00:00:00] What if the way we've been setting personal goals is the very thing holding us back from our biggest, best life yet. In this week's episode of the School of Midlife podcast, we're talking about why it's time to ditch the Smart Goals framework, and finally create personal goals and dreams that align with the women we are becoming in midlife and beyond.

This is a powerful one. Let's get started.

Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson.

This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions. Like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work. Each week we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make midlife your best [00:01:00] life. 

Hey, hey, hey. Welcome back to another episode of The School of Midlife podcast. I am your host, Laurie Reynoldson. I am thrilled to be back here with you today, the second full week of January. I will say it has been a while since I have received so many comments about a podcast episode as as many as I received for last week's episode about why we don't wanna start so damn fast on our New Year's resolutions.

In fact, I talked all about how we've been on vacation. We need to just get back to zero because so many of us have been away, and the whole idea that we're gonna change our entire life the first week that we are back from vacation and the holidays. It just doesn't work that way.

Anyway, so plenty of you said, you know what? Oh my God, this resonates with me. No wonder [00:02:00] I've burned myself out in the past years. I've just been doing it wrong. To which I would say a couple things. One, you are not alone, and two, you haven't been doing it wrong. You just haven't been taught how to do it.

So if we were going to make an a series of, you're not doing it wrong, you just haven't been taught how to do it, then today's episode would be the second installment of you're not doing it wrong, you just haven't been taught how to.

Today we're gonna talk about SMART goals, and I know that I teased this a couple of weeks ago.

I have recorded an episode about this a very long time ago. So we are, we are beyond due for a new episode. But in particular, I wanna talk about SMART goals as. Why they are ruining your personal life, why they are setting you up for failure as it relates to your personal goals and dreams that you wanna work [00:03:00] on.

With that in mind, let's just dive in. Let's just go for it. Okay. SMART goals. I think we are all familiar with them as they relate to work. And they are great for work goals. Right. Maybe I should take a step back.

SMART goals. We all know, what the acronym means, right? Or, or at least we, we have a pretty good idea of it. Maybe we come up with some slightly different letters to fill out the S-M-A-R-T. But here is, is here's what a SMART goal is. It is a goal that is specific. M is for measurable. A is for either attainable or achievable. Those seem to be intertwined. R is for relevant. Some people also talk about realistic, but I mean they're kind of the same. Right? And then T for time bound. So a goal that is specific, [00:04:00] measurable, achievable, relevant, and time bound.

They are great for business goals. They're great for quarterly or annual goals that your salary is tied to or that your team's bonuses are tied to. It's, it's very clear did we increase our sales 12% year over year? It's specific, it's measurable, it's, we'll, we'll call it achievable. It's relevant to the business. And it's time bound. Did we do that in a year?

Um, maybe you have another goal that is to hire three new team members by Q3. Specific three team members. Measurable. Did we do it? Did we not? It's achievable. We we can figure out a way to hire three new people. It's [00:05:00] relevant to the business because if we wanna grow the business, we need some more team members. And T, it's time bound: by the end of Q3, we know if we did it or we didn't do it.

SMART goals are tied to outcomes and deadlines. A lot of people say that they also keep you accountable. I think that they're probably, it's more external accountability, if that makes sense, right? We're stating a goal because we want something out of it, and we want the external accountability, which is we want our boss to know that we met the goal, or we want our board of directors to know that we met the goal, or we want our investors to know that we met the goal.

If we're going for some sort of a prize or achievement, we want the SMART goals because we crave that external validation. We, we want that external accountability. I did the thing, give me the award, [00:06:00] right? I achieved my SMART goal. Fantastic for business goals.

Let's talk about personal goals.

If you are someone who starts the year with the same kind of personal goals on your list every year I want to get healthier or lose weight, something in that kind of fitness wellness area. I want to save more money for retirement. That could be either including more in your 401k, that could be spending less, that could be I want to buy a new investment property so that I can have some residual income. Um, I want to sleep better. Okay.

All great goals. If they're your goals, great. No problem. There's no problem with them.

Where it becomes a problem [00:07:00] is if you are trying to put those goals into a SMART goal framework, that's, that's where we have troubles. Lemme give you an example. If your goal is to lose 15 pounds in Q1, okay, um, it's specific, obviously measurable. Did you do it or not? It's achievable unless of course you, you weigh under a hundred pounds right now and that's a huge chunk of your body weight.

So probably it's not achievable then, but for most of us, we, we probably are carrying an extra 10 or 15 pounds. And so that is achievable. Is it relevant? Probably because it's you, you want to be healthier. Time bound. Yes.

So let me ask you this. If you lose 13 pounds in Q1, Have you achieved your goal or not? Technically no. [00:08:00] Right, because your goal was to lose 15 pounds and you lost 13. Let me ask you this: if as part of your program to lose the 15 pounds In Q1, you started weight training, you started strength training, and you have not done that before. So you notice that your jeans are fitting looser. Your clothes are all fitting looser. Your measurements on your legs and your arms and around your middle, those, those are getting smaller.

But muscle weighs more than fat. So on the scale you don't actually lose the 15 pounds. But when you go to your doctor and you realize you have your blood work taken and the blood work is in much better shape than it has been before. The cholesterol is down. The A POB is [00:09:00] in normal range. Your blood work shows that you are healthier than you were before. So the question becomes, you didn't lose the 15 pounds, did you achieve your goal or not?

Do you see where if we start looking at our personal goals through a SMART goal lens. It's tough. It, it, it doesn't work. I will actually say, in my opinion, when we try and use SMART goals and we apply them to what we are working on in our personal life, I think that they're actually ruining your personal life. I think they, they have you focusing on the wrong things.

In particular, there are three parts of the SMART goal framework that I really think are doing a disservice when it comes to your personal goals and dreams.

Let's just start,, we'll go in [00:10:00] the order. Specific, measurable, fine.

I don't actually care about those. I do think, let me step back and say all of these SMART goals when we apply them to our personal life, the problem comes with not only the SMART goal itself, but how we have been taught to measure success and failure. We have really been taught and conditioned over time that it is a zero sum game, right? You either win, you either succeed, or you lose and fail.

There is nothing in between. Which means when we get to midlife and we are so accustomed to either succeeding or failing, winning or losing, that, all of that squishy part in the middle and there is so much squishy part in the middle, that's where the lessons are. That's where the person that we are becoming to [00:11:00] actually achieve the goal, even if we didn't reach it, there is so much growth there. There are so many lessons that we've learned. So this idea that we've either succeeded or failed, that we've either won or lost is complete bullshit.

It should be this constant state of, did that work for me? Yes, it did. Well then I'm gonna keep going. Did that work for me? No, it didn't. Okay. Here's how I'm going to change that. Here's the lesson I learned from it. Here's the experience I had from it, and because of that, this is what I'm going to do differently in the future. This is what I'm gonna do differently moving forward. Does that make sense? It does, right?

Okay. Let's get into what I think are the three biggest problems with the SMART goals. We'll start with A 'cause it, that's, that's the first one in the, in the acronym that, that really gets me achievable, attainable. This is where [00:12:00] if you are working on something in your life that is a big dream, it's a big goal. You honestly have no idea how you are going to achieve it, which is incredible. I want you to be thinking about big life goals that you don't know how you're going to be able to achieve them.

If you know how you're going to achieve them, that is what I call a throwaway goal. Those, in my opinion, only work to give you that dopamine hit of being able to check something off of your to-do list if you already know how you're going to achieve the goal, the goal is not big enough. If you already know how you're going to make that dream your reality, the dream is not big enough.

So when I talk about dreams and goals as they relate to your personal life, I'm talking about big BEST LIFE living. What are those dreams? [00:13:00] What are those goals?

Some of us are already living pieces of our BEST LIFE, so we have understood. We figured out how to get there for the other pieces of our BEST LIFE that we don't know how we're going to achieve it. No problem. That doesn't mean that we need to scrap that and come come up with a different plan for our life that is more achievable. That is more grounded in, you know, experience that allows us to take a step back and say, yep, I will absolutely be able to do that at some point in my life because I've got the time and the money and the experience.

But if we're trying to build our BEST LIFE, our biggest life, the life of, that's beyond our wildest dreams, we can't be constrained by is this achievable or not? Do I know how to do it? Is it practical? Do I have the experience? Do I have the money? Do I [00:14:00] have the time? That shouldn't apply at all. Because if this is something that we actually want, not what we've been conditioned to want, not what we've been taught to want, not what our parents or some influencer on social media tells us what we should want, but if it's something that we actually want, it doesn't matter if we know how to achieve it.

Are you hearing me? A out the door as it relates to our personal goals?

The next one, is it Relevant? This is related to achievable, but my question is relevant to what? Your career? Your LinkedIn profile? The last decade of choices that you've made. I think you will agree with me when I say that your personal dreams don't have to align with who you've been. [00:15:00] In fact, more often than not, they're, they're more about who are you becoming? Who is this woman that you are becoming?

Let me ask you this. Have you ever talked yourself out of doing something because it didn't make sense to your current life plan or where you were in your life? I am guessing yes, because so many of us have done that, which is like, how could this ever be possible for me? Oh, I've always had this dream to live in New York City for a while, but you know what? That dream has sailed because now I've got a career and I'm raising kids. I've got a lot of responsibilities. How could that ever be possible? I'm gonna take that off my big dream list.

Please don't do that. Please don't do that. Live in New York City. That could be, I'm gonna take a sabbatical and I'm going to work remotely for a month in New York City, we don't know [00:16:00] how.

We don't have to know how to do the thing. We don't know have to understand the how. We just know that we have this dream. We've got something on our heart that, that we, we really want for ourselves. That is incredible. That is beautiful. You don't have to know how to do it, which also means it doesn't have to be relevant to what you are doing right now.

You just have to be willing to step into this life that you have only envisioned for yourself, the one that you've only dared to allow yourself to dream about. Once you step in that direction and you keep moving closer to the woman that you're becoming, you'll figure it out.

Here's what's also . As you continue to become more of that woman that you are becoming, you might figure out that some of the big [00:17:00] dreams that you've set for yourself, they're actually not your dreams at all. Those can come off the list because maybe you've been influenced by somebody else to have that dream. Maybe that's something that your parents always wanted for you. Maybe that's something that you have long had on your list because it sounds good to other people. That's back to that whole external authority and external approval.

Once you get really clear on what you want and what success means to you and what your BEST LIFE looks like, you're gonna be able to go through that big dream list. With my clients, we do the BEST LIFE top 100. So we actually make a list of 100 thanks, which several of you out there are probably bristling about right now, because how could you possibly come up with a hundred ways to describe your BEST LIFE?

That's just your inner editor. That's just your editor saying to you, that's not relevant to my life. That's not relevant to who I'm [00:18:00] becoming. That's not relevant to the life I'm living right now. That is exactly why I think sMART goals, bad for personal dreams.

Okay, so we've talked about the achievable, we've talked about the relevant.

Let's move to T, time bound. And this one, this one's a little sneaky, but I also think it might be the most harmful when it comes to your personal goals and dreams.

A lot of us have a tendency to slap deadlines on our personal dreams, and then we feel like a failure if our life doesn't line up with this arbitrary deadline that we have set for ourself.

But hear me. If you have a dream that is actually your dream, it shouldn't matter to you if it takes four months to achieve it or four years.

If it's something that [00:19:00] you actually want, it shouldn't matter if it takes four months to achieve it or four years to achieve it. And here's the other thing that I think you need to understand as high achieving woman, you may never achieve it. It may never be your reality. I know that that is hard to hear for some of us who are 1000% focused on the outcome, that are focused on external approval and validation, that are focused on being able to show to people what it is we have achieved, who it is that we've become.

I understand this is hard. Our dreams , as they relate to our personal life, are just there to move us in the direction of those dreams. To move us in the direction of the woman [00:20:00] who lives that dream life. Will we ever achieve it? I actually don't know. I don't know. I don't know if you are gonna have enough time to do the things that you wanna do, which of course means stop fucking around, like get to it.

I, I know I've talked about death as a motivating factor before on this podcast. I'm not gonna get into it too much, but I will say that that death for me, like I'm running out of time, that that is a huge motivator for me. You may have heard that my dad had a heart attack and died unexpectedly at 66. What you may not know is his mother had a heart attack and died at 66. I'm 54. Now I am in better shape than both of them physically. I'm healthier than they both were. But you better believe that when I look at my life grid, when I look at that magic squares exercise that I [00:21:00] have talked you through on this podcast before, that, if you've heard me speak, if you're a client of mine, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

When I look at those boxes that I have left to achieve the things I want to achieve, to live my dream life, You better believe that I am worried about wasting time. The great thing about this whole mortality motivation is once you realize that you only have so many squares left on your life grid, You don't spend a bunch of time worrying about what people are thinking about you. You don't spend a bunch of time trying to figure out, this is something I definitely wanna do, but I don't know how it, how the fuck should I even start on that?

You don't worry about that. You just get into action. You stop spending time on nothing on brain rot, on couch rot, on scrolling social media. You understand that you only have so much time. [00:22:00] I can't even remember where I was going with this, but this whole idea that we have all of the time in the world to become the person that we've always meant to be, man, that that maybe is the biggest lie we have ever been told.

Untold

maybe the biggest lie.

You can see how fired up I get about this. I mean, even if you're not watching the video, you can probably hear it in my voice. This to me, as it relates to high achieving women, this is the one thing that I think across the board is maybe the most harmful for midlife women, is this whole idea that we still have so much time left, and I hope that you do.

I really do. I hope that you have a long, healthy, exciting retirement. I hope that you have a long, healthy adventure filled [00:23:00] second half of your life. But none of us know how much time we have left. None of us are getting out of here alive. None of us know how many boxes we have left, so please stop waiting to become the person you have always wanted to be.

Do not let these SMART goals fuss with your dreams. Don't let them put a damper on the woman that you're becoming. Don't let SMART goals, especially whether it's achievable or relevant or time bound, stop you from pursuing the experiences you've always wanted to have. From ending relationships that drain you, from moving on from jobs or careers that no longer serve you, you your big life that you're creating.

You deserve better than that. If no one has told you that lately or maybe ever, [00:24:00] I'm telling you now: you deserve more than that. You deserve a great, big life and you deserve to have that great big life starting right now. Not waiting until the time is right or until the kids move out of the house or until your parents are situated because they're sick and they need your help.

You deserve to live a big life.

You've spent most of your life. If you're like most of the women I coach, you spent most of your life giving to everyone around you, which is beautiful. It, it's not selfish. It is giving of yourself. I'm sure it aligns with your values. I'm sure that you like to be needed. I'm sure that you like to show up for the people that are important to you. I get that.

But my question for [00:25:00] you is, when is it gonna be your turn? When is it going to be your time? And don't misunderstand me here, I'm not saying that in order for you to pursue your BEST LIFE, your BEST LIFE goals, that you have to just rip off the bandaid and change everything tomorrow. It's not what I'm saying at all.

What I'm saying is you have to start making some actions. You have to start moving in that direction.

Which is perfect for the very beginning of the year.

Last week we talked about not starting too fast because this is a marathon. This is not a sprint. But also, let's talk about getting started.

The first thing I want you to do is to actually come up with a list of your BEST LIFE, big dreams, the ones that maybe you have never talked to anybody else about, that have [00:26:00] only been on your heart. The ones that you have maybe been afraid to say out loud because what would they think about me? How would I be judged?

What is gonna happen if I admit that that's something I actually want? Or what? What happens if I actually admit that I don't like that anymore?

Just because we get started on the life that we are creating, it doesn't mean selling the house and quitting your job, and ending your marriage and moving to a different city this week or next week, or even maybe in all of 2026.

But it does require you to get honest with yourself about the life that you want to start living. What does your BEST LIFE look like?

Okay. So here's the other thing. Most of the people who talk to you on the internet or [00:27:00] on podcasts, they give you a whole list of things, uh, that you shouldn't do. And oftentimes they forget to actually say, okay, well, here's what you should do instead.

So if SMART goals aren't the way to approach your personal goals and dreams, what is the answer? Well, I have an answer for you. And that's the BEST LIFE framework. That is the foundation for everything we do at the School of Midlife. BEST LIFE is actually an acronym and is not just something that you would see embroidered on a pillow, on a couch somewhere or on a painted on a piece of wood that you buy at Hobby Lobby, but it's actually a trademarked framework.

It's creating a life that is beyond your wildest dreams. Success on your terms, a life that you truly want, so that you can live a life of legacy, impact, fulfillment, and [00:28:00] excitement. There are many ways with my coaching clients that we go about actually breaking down what BEST LIFE means to you. There are prompts and exercises and, and this is a huge piece of what I do with my coaching clients.

If you have ever been to a retreat of mine or if you have sat through workshops that I have done for my corporate clients, You know that this is the basis of everything I coach. It is also the piece of my coaching that creates the biggest ahas, the biggest transformations, the biggest ability to step back and say, I have been living my life for other people for so long. I didn't even realize it. But now that I've got this BEST LIFE framework, the map that shows me to go from where I am now to where I'm going, [00:29:00] that's incredible. That that changed my life.

That's, that's the kind of feeling that I want you to have in 2026. This is the year that everything changed for me. If I can help you with that, I would love to do that. Whether that's one-on-one coaching. I have probably one spot left. We're we're, we're getting pretty full on, on one-to-one coaching right now, but, um, one-to-one coaching, group coaching.

Coming up in February, you can get into the brand new. BEST LIFE Lab, which is the signature Group coaching program for the School of Midlife. It's the lab because you'll have this incredible playground to get into the lab and do some life experiences and take some of the lessons that you've learned and apply them in different [00:30:00] ways. There's gonna be a lot more coming on that very soon that's coming in February.

It could be that you get yourself to a BEST LIFE retreat, which are impeccably curated, all inclusive events. Everything is taken care of for you so that you can actually have some time away to clear your head, to figure out what's important to you. In this season of life, every other decision is made. All you have to do is spend time focusing on yourself and what you want.

It is All of the coaching of the School of Midlife includes the BEST LIFE framework. It just depends on how we approach it depending on the type of coaching that you choose to have.

2026 can absolutely be your best year yet. I have no hesitation in saying that. Regardless of [00:31:00] what goes on in the world around you, you have the power to make 2026 your best year yet, and I understand there is a lot of noise out there in the world. But when we start focusing on ourselves, when we start focusing on what it is that we want, when we get really clear on what our BEST LIFE looks like, then we're able to navigate the change and the chaos and all of the noise around us in a much different way. And that changes everything.

If you take one thing away from today's episode, it's that throw out the SMART goal framework as it relates to your personal goals and dreams. It doesn't work. It's, it's an old framework that we have been taught that doesn't work for our personal goals and aspirations.

[00:32:00] Start using the BEST LIFE framework.

It is scientifically backed. It is a results proven framework that can move you into clarity. And confidence and the courage that you need to go live your BEST LIFE. So enough, with the SMART goals for our personal goals and aspirations, let's bring on, uh, the BEST LIFE frameworks that we can make 2026 our BEST LIFE yet.

Thank you so much for being here today. As always, I have loved this time together. Will you do me a favor? Will you please let me know what your biggest takeaway was from today's episode? As I have mentioned before, podcasting is, it's kind of a lonely medium. I talk into the microphone.

Please, please, please, let's make this a two-way conversation. Will you please somehow either go find me on [00:33:00] social media, send me an email. All of my information is at a clickable link In the show notes, just tell me what is your biggest takeaway from today's episode?

Thank you so much for being here. I will see you right back here next week when the School of Midlife is back in session, and until then, take good care.

 Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews. 

So if you take a minute and say some nice [00:34:00] things about the podcast, well, that's just good karma. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you right back here. Next week when the School of Midlife is back in session until then take good care.