150. When You Finally Trust Yourself Enough to Start Living the Life You Actually Want | Conversation with Wendy Harrop

What if you let go of the rulebook and gave yourself permission to create a life that feels like a dream you actually want to be living? This week on the School of Midlife podcast, we’re talking to Wendy Harrop—a retreat host, event planner, and farm-dwelling dream-weaver—who did just that.

After years of living the good-girl life, checking the boxes, and doing what was expected of her, Wendy woke up to a deeper longing: one where she gets to be the main character. She didn’t burn it all down in a blaze of midlife crisis. Instead, she took one brave step after another—choosing joy, curiosity, and adventure over obligation.

In this powerful conversation, Wendy shares the story of how she moved from California to a 200-year-old farm in Massachusetts, why hosting retreats for women is her calling, and what it means to live with delight, even when things don’t go according to plan. Whether you’re feeling stuck, restless, or just quietly wondering “is this all there is?”—this episode will remind you that midlife isn’t a dead-end... it’s a damn invitation.

👂 In this episode, we talk about:

• Letting go of shoulds and embracing your actual desires
• What it looks like to be the curator of your own life
• The power of women gathering in intentional, beautiful spaces
• Living with delight—even when life throws curveballs

📌 Mentioned in this episode:

• Wendy’s upcoming retreats
• Her dreamy Airbnb on the farm in Massachusetts

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Transcript

[00:00:00] In this week's episode of the School of Midlife podcast, I'm talking with the amazing Wendy Harrop a retreat host, and event planner who left behind the good girl script that she was raised to fill, and created a life full of joy, creativity, and adventure on a 200 year old farm in Massachusetts where she operates a bed and breakfast.

She also hosts luxury retreats for women, gives them space to reconnect with themselves. And as you'll find, Wendy is just a complete force for good. She is the poster child of making midlife your very best life.

If you've ever dreamed of a softer or slower, more soul aligned life, this conversation is gonna stick with you. I, I loved everything about it. Wendy is so inspiring. She not only has created a life that looks like a Pinterest board, but it feels like freedom to her. She didn't blow up her life overnight.

She followed [00:01:00] breadcrumbs of her own curiosity. She said yes to Joy. She made space for delight, and over time she built a life that completely aligns with who she actually is, not who she was always told to be. I know you're going to love this episode with Wendy. Her journey is proof that midlife can be the most alive, expansive, and creative chapter yet.

Enjoy this conversation with Wendy Harrop.

Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson.

This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions. Like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work. Each week we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make [00:02:00] midlife your best life.

Laurie: Wendy, I am so excited to have you at the School of Midlife podcast today. Thank you so much for being here. Will you do me the, just the favor of just a quick introduction of who you are, where you are, and, and then we'll dive into this conversation.

Wendy: Absolutely. And thank you Laurie. I am so delighted to be here. I feel like I'm meeting a version of myself. Aw. So I'm really looking forward to what we have to say to each other. Yay. It's so good. So I am Wendy Harrop. I own a historic bed and breakfast on a small New England flower farm. I lead culinary trips to France for solo female travelers, and I am the host of the Say Yes To Yourself podcast, which I am clearly doing multiple times a day.

Laurie: Well, um, as a [00:03:00] listener, you know that one, I love France. Two, I love to eat, I love retreats and travel. Um, you are also apparently living out my dream of having a, a, a bed and breakfast, so I, I cannot wait for this conversation. Uh, let's start there though. How did you decide to open a bed and breakfast?

Wendy: I was a wedding planner for 30 years. And I lived in California. So my mom is from Massachusetts, but I was born and raised in California. So my whole life as long, far back as I can remember, when we would come visit, I just knew this is where I was gonna live someday. And it's so beautiful. The freeway is beautiful.

Its hot when it's supposed to be hot and cold, when it's supposed to be cold. And to this southern California girl, I, I just didn't belong there. I belonged in New England. [00:04:00] So three times as an adult I packed for a cross country move and twice unpacked still in California. But the third time was a charm.

And I, my husband at the time now, ex-husband, was encouraging me to expand our search to a small inn or a bed and breakfast. So I was so excited to give my same level of service that I would for my brides and grooms to somebody who was just spending the night on a Tuesday, and I'm making waffles. So as our cross country move got closer, his desire shifted and he decided he wanted not a bed and breakfast breakfast.

So as, um, a good girl and as a person who just will [00:05:00] bloom where she's planted, I quieted my desires and dreams, but I didn't have the language for that at that time. I just thought I was doing what I was supposed to do, which was make sure everybody else is happy and then make a beautiful party out of the leftovers.

So, um, that's what I did. I was very good at it. And, over the years and with the catalyst that the pandemic was, it became obvious to all of us that he did not want to be in this house, in this marriage, all of those things. And so I I had the courageous conversation. I believe my courage set both of us free.

Mm-hmm. And I said that I was ready to complete and he moved out and I petitioned the town to make this a bed and breakfast. And [00:06:00] now it is. So it was the only house that we had looked at that was not a bed and breakfast, and I um, remedied that for myself. So the, that has changed obviously it's smaller than the bed and breakfast part of me that I was looking at originally, but it's perfect because I didn't know I was going to take all of my wedding planning experience and pivot it into leading trips to France.

So. Now it's lovely that I only have two rooms at my b and b because I can easily block those off the calendar and get on a plane to France and live my best life there too.

Laurie: Amazing. I I don't wanna, there's so many ways I wanna go on this. I know there's 8,000 things. Um, okay. So. He moved the, the two of you moved to Maine from Southern California.

Massa [00:07:00] to Massachusetts, I'm sorry, Massachusetts. Mm-hmm. The, the other m Yeah, exactly. I, I was ordering something the other day and, uh, she's the, the woman is like, so Boise, Indiana. And I said, no. And she goes, well, I had, you know, I had 50% chance it was a, it was a state that started with I and I'm like, well, there's also Iowa, but whatever.

Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Massachusetts, um. Okay. So you move from California to Massachusetts? Yes. Are you still doing wedding planning at this point? Yes. I mean, 'cause the, the whole idea was you're gonna open this b and b and then mm-hmm. Was the decision made that no b and b before you moved, or walk us through that a little bit?

Wendy: Sure. So. It was three years of a deep dive into bed and breakfast research while I was in California, and he was in an MBA program. So we didn't really see each other very much. And obviously there was already a communications [00:08:00] situation that I didn't have the language for that either. So I was going on my dream path of a bed and breakfast at his suggestion .And then as it got closer, we, he finished his MBA program. We rented a house in France for a month and had groups of friends come at different times. And one couple. Our friends, he's a psychiatrist and she has a doctorate in communications, she's, they're the best people to have any conversation with, let alone what ended up being 

Laurie: this one.

Do you ever find yourself like editing yourself or, you know, thinking, oh, can I actually say that to this couple or not? 

Wendy: It makes me want to have better things to say. Oh, love that. They're such love Good listeners. Yeah, they're such good listeners. They hold such sacred space for people that it just makes me want to have better things to say. 

Laurie: Oh, [00:09:00] beautiful. Yeah, they're lovely. Okay, so you're in France at this house that you rented? Yep. With the, this incredible couple. Take it from there. It's 

Wendy: midnight. It's midnight. We're finishing up the dishes. We had an incredible dinner. Other guests have gone to bed and Scott says to my ex-husband, so, here you go. Now you're off to Massachusetts and the bed and breakfast. It's, you must be so excited. It's gonna be so great. And he said, I don't want that. And I was like, are you also in the kitchen at the time this is going? Yeah. Okay. We're all there. And I'm having this out of body experience of, oh my gosh.

Yay you for using your words. I'm so proud of you. Thank you for talking, but these are not the things that I want to hear. But at the same [00:10:00] time, I was so relieved to have any information. And again, you know, it's in retrospect that you see. Holes in your relationship or in anything that you're doing.

And I just didn't realize that I was essentially a hydrangea being treated as an air plant, and I was getting so little connection that even though the words were slashing my dreams to little bits, I, I was so grateful to have words. 

Laurie: Were you grateful in the moment or were you like, holy shit, what? Well, like we moved, this is the next thing.

I mean, I, I can understand the perspective of being grateful now, but were, can you, can you go back to that spot and be like, yeah, I really was grateful that finally he was [00:11:00] saying something. I really 

Wendy: was grateful and it was not a healthy gratitude. It was, um, oh look, here's another opportunity for me to self abandon.

But I didn't, again, I did not have the language for any of this because my awakening came during the pandemic, and this was 2013. So what I know, this podcast could be like 47 episodes, so No, it's all good. We're gonna like, so, but what was happening as Terri Cole, the author of Boundary Boss would say, as a high functioning codependent.

Yeah. I learned, oh, oh, this is just another opportunity for me to set myself on fire to make sure everybody in the room is warm enough. And I had all of this conditioning, like you, [00:12:00] firstborn daughter, um, and I was also raised deeply seated in the church. So I just called this, um, submitting to the godly leadership of my husband, 

blah.

Those words like hurt my body, the woman that I am now. But I really was like, oh, okay. And I grew up believing and still at that time that I was 45 years old. At that time, I thought that I was allowed to want things, but I wasn't allowed to have them. 

Laurie: Hmm. That's so good. Mm-hmm. Um, okay. I don't want, I don't wanna s We're all over.

You can ask me. I know. So, listener, stay with us. We're gonna put a through line to this episode, or maybe not, because this is, there's all [00:13:00] sorts of stuff to unpack here, and we're just gonna go where this takes us. That's right. Okay. So you're midnight washing dishes in the middle of France somewhere. Are we close to the end of your stay?

Are we like what happens 

Wendy: next? Ah, that's such a great question. It's so, you know, like some of those things you kind of have PTSD about them. Sure. And you're like, oh, did that actually just happen? It was so fascinating because... just a little backstory to that this, this was 2012 when we're having the conversation.

In 2010, someone knocked on our door in California and offered to buy our house, which was not on the market. And so I said, oh, no thank you. But my husband said, yes, please. How much? Everything's for sale? That's right. I was like, oh, okay. So we put everything in a pod. And he [00:14:00] applied to grad school in Massachusetts and in California.

And so we, I thought, oh my gosh, okay, here it is. This is number three. I've packed for a cross country move and this time it's gonna happen. And he got into school in both places and chose California. So for two and a half years, we lived in the guest room of our friend's house across the street from the house we sold. With all of my things in storage for two and a half years. And now this trip to France is okay, he just finished school. I'm graduating from the guest room of my neighbor's house, and you know, visiting my things in a storage unit sometimes. My life is ready. Like I'm ready to start. Here I am. The dream is coming.

I'm so good at waiting. [00:15:00] Ugh. I'm so good at waiting. Yeah. A whole nother show is 24 mother's days between deciding I wanted to be a mom before Amelia Jade came to live at our house. Oh, that's a whole show. That's probably why I have my own podcast as well, so people can keep up. But I thought my dream is finally gonna happen.

And then there's this conversation. And this was probably, this was toward the end of the trip. Okay. But we still had maybe. 10 days. So we went to Venice, we went back to California. 

Laurie: But like, you have this conversation, then you wake up in , the next morning and it's like, okay, well today we're gonna go do this and good morning, I 

Wendy: love 

Laurie: you.

Mm-hmm. Sort of a non, we're just gonna tamp that down, just like all the other thoughts and dreams. That's, and we'll deal with that later. 

Wendy: That's right. Because he's. Oh my God, this is so, so [00:16:00] not the words I ever say anymore.... because he knows what's best because he, he's really good at his job and he is really smart, and now he even has this other degree and he knows what's best.

Ugh. I just didn't even, I didn't know I had. Okay, Laurie. You would not have wanted to be friends with me then first, except for you'd be like, holy smokes woman like you are job security for my coaching business. But I, I did not have any concept of agency. Mm. Yeah. I just didn't know. I mean, my parents told me what to do.

My church told me what to do. My husband told me what to do, and they were all well-meaning. I handed over all of my power with a beautiful silk bow on it, [00:17:00] and thought that that was made me good. I thought that's what made God proud of me. I thought, oh my gosh. It, it was just this alternate reality that I was living well existing in not even living.

And, uh i, I didn't know there was another option. And nobody was mad that I was doing everything for everybody. I mean, even I was overdelivering in every area of my life. From the weddings I planned to being on staff at my church to, you know, the, the kind of wife that I was, which the kind of wife that says, oh, okay, and then doesn't bring it up again the next day.

Like what? Because he decide, you know, he knows. He knows when it's time to have a conversation and when it's time to, it's like. Oh, I don't even know who [00:18:00] that woman is. I just remember what it felt like to be her, and I wasn't mad. 

Laurie: Amazing. Amazing. I didn't know another way. And you look back and you're just like, bless her heart.

I mean, oh my gosh. Bless her heart. So in 2012, you're married. You had been married how long at that point? 12 years. 12 years, okay. Mm-hmm. Um, so you had definitely gotten into this pattern, which is, you know, we're gonna do whatever he wants to 

Wendy: do. 

Mm-hmm. 

And then he's gonna drip out the information of what that is in really, um

spaced out intervals. 

Laurie: Okay. Yeah. Um, I'm trying to put the history, the pieces together here. Not know. Okay, so 2012, you are in France. You have moved to Massachusetts? Not yet. Not yet. We're still in California. We're about to move. You're about to move, okay? Mm-hmm. Um, and you are [00:19:00] not gonna open a b an A bed and breakfast anymore.

Yep. Are you then working your wedding planning business when you move, or are you just taking Yeah, so I do my house, take care of the house, and when I say no, no, no, just taking care of the house, I don't, I, 

Wendy: I lived in the guest room of my neighbor's house. I didn't even have a house to take care of. Yeah, but when you moved, yeah, so then we, so I did my last wedding in California in November of that year.

Yeah. So the France conversation happened in the summer. November I do my last, my last wedding. I relocate one car to Massachusetts and I rent a condo in darling Concord, Massachusetts, which is so beautiful. And I and my cousins live here. All of my extended family is here, so I wasn't just on my own. And my husband didn't move until [00:20:00] February.

Okay. So I'm now looking at places that are not bed and breakfasts. I'm just looking at houses. And my cousin is my realtor, so she's still sending me bed and breakfast listings 'cause she thinks this is ridiculous. And no man tells any woman what to do and she has a dream. And I was like, Ooh. I don't, I can't talk to my husband like that.

That's scary. So, yeah. Yeah, yeah. So, um, so then this, this was the only house that I looked at that was not a bed and breakfast. And when I pulled in to the driveway, I thought, oh, okay. If I have to give up my dream, this is a place where I could build a new one. Oh, I just imagined people walking on the lawn with a glass of champagne in their hand and.

Like I said, I grew up in California, so anything like a white house with black [00:21:00] shutters and a big 200 year old barn, I am here for it. Like it was just so charming and fabulous. So I bloomed to where I was planted again, and he was just glad it wasn't a bed and breakfast. So he said yes, and we got here and he was so mad.

Because he just, he he, he didn't realize that he was gonna bring his unhappiness with him. Mm-hmm. Yeah. So he thought if it wasn't a bed and breakfast, then he should be happy, but he wasn't happy. 

Laurie: So then, and like, we'll call it seven years between when you moved to the pandemic. 

Wendy: Mm-hmm. And then two more years after that, we then, I didn't have my courageous conversation till 2022.

Laurie: What prompted the courageous conversation? 

Wendy: So the [00:22:00] catalyst for my awakening and my, um, introduction to agency was in January of 2020, I heard of. Instagram ad for an online business course by, Kathy Heller. She also has a podcast, and it was about getting paid, doing what you love. And I've been an entrepreneur at that point for 22 oh gosh, yeah. 22 years. So. I've always been doing what I love, but I haven't always been making a lot of money doing what I love. And so I thought, oh, let me do this. And it was, you know, she sold, we're gonna give you social strategy and we're gonna write a business plan and all these things, but once we got in, it was all like inner child [00:23:00] work and all of these things that I would've thought, oh, I, I would not have signed up for that, but, oh my word, I needed it. 

Laurie: I think business ownership is just one big personal development journey. I mean, no one will ever tell you that. 'cause you know, they, they, they package it up as p and ls and, uh, social media strategies and all the things you, that you think you actually need.

Mm-hmm. But when you really get into it, it's all of the the boundaries that I didn't set, or 100% the, the, the, the way I talk to myself and the just. Yes, it is all about personal development and my, oh, my, it has been... I can only speak for myself, but it's been quite a ride that I didn't even realize I had signed up for.

Right. Well you're still married, so Good job. I'm still married. Yeah. But, but you know, many people that I talk to that have been married for a long time, I mean, it's, we got lucky, [00:24:00] right? I mean, because there are points where like for years I would come home and I would think, okay, well that couch is gonna go with me.

He can have that one. I mean you, you know, you start kind of planning, okay, well I think I can, I know money-wise I'll be fine. But I, I think the reason that our, that I'm still married is because I did so much work on myself. Yeah. Now I have a whole list of things Mike can work on. Sure. But I've also understood or come to understand over the years that he's gonna change that if he wants to.

Mm-hmm. I'm not going to give him the permission to be one way if it's hurting me. Right. If that makes any sense. Right. Oh my God. Perfect. I'm gonna gonna say that doesn't, that doesn't work for me. 

Mm-hmm. 

And I had to learn, I, it sounds like we, we had kind of similar [00:25:00] backgrounds, you know, firstborn, eldest daughter, uh, don't rock the boat, keep the peace.

Make everybody happy. But I had to, I had to learn how to stick up for myself and to actually say what I wanted to say. I mean, we started this off and you talked about quieting your dreams and desires. I, I just, that's so beautiful and also heartbreaking because I think there are so many women who can relate to that idea.

Wendy: Yep. Right. And we think that it'll all work out. And if I'm good enough, then they'll want this for me. Yes, and they'll give it to me, and I was just waiting for someone to give me permission to live out the beautiful, big, glorious dreamsin my heart. and I didn't realize until I started this course and just be [00:26:00] opening myself up to new things and new ideas and understanding that a belief is just a thought we keep thinking, and we can change our thoughts, and then everything changes. I was like, what is this? I know, and then I was just, you know, the hungry head of the dragon, I couldn't learn enough. I recognize I also have my books in color coded and I'm recognizing some of the spines. I was like, oh, I know what that book is.

I know what that book is 'cause mine are all there too. So I was just, I can't even devouring all of this information and I realized that the only person I was waiting on to give me permission was me. And that I did have good ideas and I could act on them. And I could see the results, but I couldn't make [00:27:00] him think about the things I wanted the way I did. Like that it's an inside job and he was in charge of his inside job as well. And I think, you know what, what I've noticed in successful marriages, and by successful, I don't just mean how many years someone's been married, but that they still like each other. Right. Is be, that's like, that's a key.

So is that their. They're not the same people that they were when they got married. They've continued to evolve and they've continued to call each other into their highest and best by modeling what their highest and best looks like to them. And that I would've been so delighted to take this new information and create a new relationship dynamic with the same [00:28:00] person. Because he was a prince.

I used to call him my prince. And it was perfectly fine the whole time I was a princess, but I promoted myself to queen. He was not available to promote himself. And he wanted it to just go back to the way that it was. And I was not available for that 

Laurie: one. Once you know what, how it can be and how it can be different, it's you you can't go back. Nope. And. I, I think it's beautiful that you realize that for yourself. Because I think a lot of times we do have a taste of something different, and we do understand that we wanna move in a different direction, and we're tethered by everyone else, you know, thinking that like they're pulling us back and you're like, no, no, no.

But it's so wonderful over here. Right? So, amazing job. 

Wendy: Mm, thank you. Advocating for 

Laurie: yourself and making a decision that is in [00:29:00] alignment with this queen that you have decided to become. Yeah. Yes.

Um, my guess is that it probably wasn't like a clean, easy break when you said, I mean, because that, that's a lot of years to invest and Yeah, you probably just didn't wake up one day and say, well, I am going to turn this into a bed and breakfast and spend some time in France and, um, good luck. Or, or maybe it was that clean of a break. 

Wendy: It wasn't. Um, but, you know, I think the, the most, I don't wanna say hard because I, I think things are as hard as we make it. 

Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. 

Wendy: My challenge came in he wasn't beating me or cheating on me.

So being raised in the church and in the conditioning that I had, like I thought those were my [00:30:00] only options. And I was working with a coach that asked me if I was in full freedom, if I was in full choice, would I be with him? 

Laurie: Hmm. What a incredible question. Oh 

Wendy: my gosh. I was like, I thought we were gonna talk about my business.

I thought you were gonna tell me some secret that I didn't know, and then I was gonna implement it. And then I'd be rich and then he'd be happy, and then we'd be happy. But did you 

Laurie: have a gut response to that question or did you have to think about it? 

Wendy: No, I didn't. I had a, I just had no words. Mm-hmm.

Which, as you can tell, that's not typical. I, I just didn't even know what to say because I didn't realize that was an option. 

Mm-hmm. 

And for about nine months, I sat in the question of my marriage. And I, I have a morning practice that I had [00:31:00] been using for maybe a year and a half at that point. And it was a complete deep dive into what do I want?

What does that look like? What is my role in this? And then of course, I would think, how am I ever going to do this? How am I going? Because I want the house. I love this house. I, this is my house. 

Yeah. 

And. I, you know, don't have a quote unquote real job. I'm a wedding planner during a pandemic, so there were none of those.

So I retired from planning and I was doing online cooking classes. And I was, I'm an idea factory, so I was doing tons of things and I was having a lot of response to those things, positive response. But not enough to. Not have to go get a job or something, but [00:32:00] I didn't want that either. So I found out as well, during this process, during this learning, that the universe, God does not need me to figure out how I'm going to do this.

Mm-hmm. It's my job to know what I want, be in alignment with what I want. Take the next logical inspired step. And that's my role. So once I realize that the how is not my responsibility, then it's like, oh good, okay, well then let's take the training wheels off this thing because if I don't have to figure out how, let me tell you where I wanna go. This is where I'm going, and the how worked itself out. And after a, an extended time in France, seven weeks, I came [00:33:00] back. And I was with my daughter. She was in second grade at the time. And, um, I had my courageous conversation and he was really mad. I am not kidding for 15 seconds.

Mm. 

And then it's like, oh, well the house is worth this much, and the 401k has this much and I think a judge is gonna make me give you this much a month. And, and we had another very expansive conversation with a lot of details that I was dying to know. And which, you know, I guess we have these every 10 years, because it was 2012 when I had the last conversation. Yeah. With details. And the energy shift in the room was so palpable that we both just felt so much better. 

Laurie: Just was it, was it relief? 

Wendy: Was it? Yeah. [00:34:00] Oh, totally. Yeah. For him too, because he didn't have the courage to do what would make him happy? He hated his life.

He would say it all the time. I hate this house. I hate my job, I hate my life. It was so sad. And I was learning these tools of how we're the deliberate creators of our own experience, but he was not available for any of that inspired coaching or insight that I had for him. Um, and my courage that both of us free.

Laurie: I, yes. I, I think it's so interesting that oftentimes we believe that we're the only ones suffering in a relationship. Yeah. And, and I think, uh, the relief that you both felt is a testament that No, no, no. I mean, there's never just one person unhappy. I mean, it's, it's, it maybe unhappy for different reasons or unfulfilled for different reasons.

Yeah. But, [00:35:00] um, yeah. Would he, and, and I don't know if you know, but do you, do you think he's happy now? I do. Uhhuh, which is so 

Wendy: great. I mean, he's as happy as he's available to be. Yeah. Right. Yeah. So it was, you know, he was mad for 15 seconds and then we had a great conversation. And then it was really messy for a few months before he actually left the building and messy in a way that he would just be mad. And then ask me like, what are you gonna do when you default on the taxes and can't pay the house payment, and then you move. Like, I, I don't wanna sign a lease on an apartment because you're gonna move to the Cape when you sell the house. I'm like, what are you talking about? There's no scenario where that's happening, so I'm not gonna answer this question. But I was able to stand in my truth, to stand in alignment [00:36:00] during that Rocky, in person, Rocky period because of the nine months prior of sitting in the question and being committed to my practice and to what alignment even felt like. So there are steps, as you know and as your listeners know, to get to that place so that when the wind is blowing, I wasn't just becoming a weather vane like I used to be.

That I would just point in the direction that the wind was blowing because that's what the wind was telling me to do. And now like, I decide. So it was, um, it was rocky, it was long, it was long. Three and a half years. Mm-hmm. And we weren't fighting, and we didn't even want the same things, and it still took three and a half years.

And [00:37:00] I noticed patterns in my behavior that were so fascinating and likened to how I spent my marriage. I was waiting in silence, hoping for the best. And I was thinking, you know, the, the lawyers were the ones that were moving this along or that I'm waiting for information from him and his lawyer, and so I'm just supposed to wait.

And then I had a friend say, Wendy, do you think, maybe your lawyer doesn't have a sense of urgency because you're so high vibe and chill about this? What if you told her you're done? Like, we're, we're done now. Like, let's get on it. I was like, oh, am I allowed to say that to her? Okay. So I, which again, like you just, you go into these patterns and. I mean, at least I did.

But [00:38:00] once I recognized that and stood up for myself and was like, listen, this has been a long time. I don't know what is holding it up, but I'm done waiting for a progress report. I'm making the progress reports now, and we're going forward.

And even in that bold agency move, that was in January. It wasn't, my virtual court hearing wasn't until September.

So, and I took it, that call from Normandy, France, which is fantastic. And lovely and perfect. I love that too. Yes. But the message for me, and the message for your listeners, is whatever it is that we want, whatever we're waiting for, there still can be a time lag between [00:39:00] making the decision and having the desired result.

So there is so much benefit in inspired action, not just, you know, hustle or movement or forcing, but to rest on, well, everything feels good now, so I'm just gonna wait it out and we'll see what happens. I know, so I have so many clients that are in their seventies and eighties that are still gonna see what happens and maybe they'll go on my next France trip.

Like what are talking about, yeah, there are a lot of stairs there. So let's live the life that we want now. Know that in that liberation is a two-way street and know that our yes is inspiring somebody else's yes. That our courage sets both parties free. That there [00:40:00] is so much here for us and waiting for us, and it's waiting on us as well.

Laurie: We have to make some choices. We can't just sit back and wait and expect that things are going to magically happen in a beautiful way For us. They might, but just from everything you were talking about, I mean, agency is so important and having that agency in our own life is life changing. I mean, I, that sounds dramatic, but it really, it really is.

Wendy: Yes. Um, and coming from a place of abundance rather than lack that my yes wasn't a no to him. My yes was a yes for him as well. And you asked if he's happy. My daughter unprompted a couple of months ago. ,Just said [00:41:00] during breakfast, you know, mom, dad seems a lot happier now that he's not here. And I was like, yay, my job, my work here is done.

And he really is. And. 

Laurie: His happiness is not your responsibility. That's right. Yep. I mean, and it never was. Because you had twisted yourself and contorted yourself in all of these different images. Mm-hmm. And ways so that you know, you could be, create this perfect life for the two of you. And his happiness was never going to rely on that.

Right. 

Wendy: And it's a moving target. So even the things that you did last time that you thought resulted in another person's happiness, they could change their mind. And then you have to try to figure out what that. It just, it sucks all the time that you have to live your own life. 

Laurie: I, I had a woman reach out to [00:42:00] me a couple of months ago and say she really wanted to come to a retreat, uh, that I'm hosting imminently as the, as we are recording this, but, um.

But she said that she was too, she was concerned that her life would change too much after going on the retreat, which to me said she knows exactly what she wants. She knows exactly what decisions need to be made. She knows exactly what conversations need to be made, and for some reason she's, she's holding back on that.

And that's, that's okay. I mean, fine. Also, you get one shot at this, right? Mm-hmm. And you don't get extra time because you made life comfortable for everyone around you at your own expense. I mean, we, we, we don't get extra time for that, right? So at some point you have to decide, I'm gonna have the courageous conversation, or I'm going to start doing something that is important and [00:43:00] meaningful to me and makes me feel good. Yes. And if the people around me are supportive of that, great. And if they're not, that's okay too. But at least I know that I am being genuine and honest to myself. And that's think about the ripple effect if all women, if that was the focus for all women.

Yeah. I gotta start with myself first, and then the impact that I will have in my family and my, my work and my community. I mean, it's incredible. It's amazing. Um, I wanna move to, when did you start bringing people even before that. Okay. Have you always been a francophile? What started your love of France?

Wendy: Um, my husband took me there on the first birthday that we celebrated married. That was my, okay. He was such a extravagant, lovely gift [00:44:00] giver. Mm-hmm. And it was a trip to Europe. I had never been. And we went to London, Paris, Rome, Florence, Lucerne, Switzerland, back to Paris, back to London. Great. 17 days.

Great trip. Yes. Amazing. I packed in a backpack because we were going on the train, which, yeah, I threw all of those clothes away when I got home. It's like, I'm never wearing these shoes ever again. I hate every picture because it's the same outfit. And my first moments in France, I felt it was like I was homesick but for a city I had never been in. Yeah. And it really captured my heart. Paris was amazing.

And he and I took several trips there, and then when we rented the house in the Loire Valley for the month, [00:45:00] then I thought, oh. Paris is great, but the French countryside, oh my word. Yes, please. And I don't think it was just because I was living in a guest room for two years. I think it was because I just really crave space and it's beautiful and the pace of life is so gorgeous.

And my very dear friend, he's actually our daughter's godfather. Um, he's a formerly trained chef and a master gardener, and we met in California, but he retired and moved to France just before the pandemic. So during the pandemic, I was sending some mail off packages to friends and I thought, my gosh, my cookies are going to all of these fabulous places and I can't go anywhere. And I've been to so many fabulous places over and over again, [00:46:00] and I'm the kind of person that likes to perfect an itinerary rather than, yeah, go to 8,000 places.

I'd like to go to eight places a thousand times. So I had these itineraries. I was thinking about these cities that I've been in, and I was sitting in the parking lot of the post office and I did a live on Instagram and I said, Hey, my mail is going great places. I am not. I've been to fabulous, wonderful cities. What do you say? If I put some itineraries together and we take the Phineas Wright House on the road and I'll take care of all the details just like I do for my brides and grooms. We can do Sonoma, California. We can do Carmel by the Sea. We can do Seattle, we can do Woodstock, we can do France where my friend just lived, and we'll do a culinary adventure with him.[00:47:00] 

And then of course we'll do Paris. And like a hundreds of people signed up for that list. Like, yeah, we wanna go whenever you're going, we wanna go. So that's how it started and then Amazing. Yeah, I just thought, well, I know how to bring fabulous vendors together to create a magical experience for my bride.

Why can't I do that to and for a woman that is coming to Paris with me? So I started pulling together a list of collaborators of that are all. Um, all but one is an expat. So there are women that have said yes to themselves that are living their best French lives. And one was from Texas. She wanted to go to pastry school.

It was less expensive to go to the Cordon Bleu in Paris than the Dallas Culinary Academy. So she went to Paris. She met Francois, never [00:48:00] came back, and now she leads private pastry classes out of her Versailles apartment, and she's amazing. She is amazing. Love Versa, Versailles, right? So all of these fabulous women, so we're just visiting them on these trips and they're, it's all inclusive.

I take care of the hotel, all the meals, all the excursions. You have plenty of free time. But also if you prefer to be guided, then i'm there every step of the way. We have beautiful meet and greet service right off the airplane. We have airport transfer. It's like every detail, you just get to show up in whatever you wanna wear, just like my brides did.

So I just started then. My first trip was in October of 2021, which was so fun to just see at the time of this recording, I was just seeing my memories come up on my [00:49:00] phone of fun. Yes, that time and I have only, I saw those while I was sitting in the first class lounge on my way back from spending seven weeks in France.

And it just is amazing because that is not where I started, but I am so happy at the trajectory that one, yes, after the other. And then modeling that it's safe to say yes to yourself. Your family won't fall apart if you are gone for seven days. In fact, you'll all rise together. It's, it's just been beautiful.

Laurie: Uh, I love everything about this. This is a question I probably should ask you offline, but my dream is to take the School of Midlife abroad next year. Awesome. So I feel like we should collaborate on, yes, we should. On a retreat to France. France, yes. Yes. I'll do the coaching piece, [00:50:00] but let's talk about that more offline.

Um, yes, I have 

Wendy: something fabulous to tell you. 

Laurie: What is 

Wendy: that? Because it's fun. I was just seeing some messages come through. I have some friends that live there that are actually looking at a chateau that is for sale on my behalf right now. 

Laurie: Oh my gosh. I mean, is that something that you ever 

Wendy: even imagined?

Nope. Well, I imagined it, but I didn't think I was allowed to have it. I thought I was only allowed to look at pretty houses, but not have them, and not have more than one of them in two different countries. Yes. Isn't that I, 

Laurie: I think it's so cool when women start dreaming some adult dreams. Yes. Right. I mean, because.

You know, you, you talked about being a, a princess before, and I, I feel like a lot of us kind of stopped dreaming once we realized that, you know, maybe we weren't going to marry a real prince, or maybe [00:51:00] unicorns weren't real. Or, um, maybe we weren't going to be a movie star or whatever. You know, dream mm-hmm.

Pop star we had when we were little. Yeah. And then we just got to work. Yeah. And it, it's almost like we lost that part of us that is able to step back and say, well, what if. You know, if, if I could wave a magic wand and give you everything you wanted right now? Most people don't even know what that looks like and it, right.

It's sos. There's so much opportunity and we just have to allow ourselves to take advantage of it. Yes. We have to and we have to claim it. Right. Right. It's not gonna just fall at our feet. Yeah. There's probably gonna be some work involved. Um, but it's important to, to know what you want. And I, I love this whole Chateau idea for you.

Amazing. Amazing. No, 

Wendy: it is safe to know what you want. [00:52:00] And I think for me, that was a chasm that I had to believe in. That it's safe, it, it's not painful to dream. It's exciting when you have the belief and the certainty that these thing, if these dreams are in you, these dreams are for you. The universe is not mean.

No, it's the reason that we see the Chateau and it makes our heart leap. Or we hear about a retreat in, are you going to Sun Valley? Is that where you're going? Yes, yes. Yep. When you hear about these retreats, it makes your heart swell, that's because it's for you. And I know a lot of women wanna go on my trips to Paris.

I'm doing one to the Christmas markets and it's so [00:53:00] beautiful, but sometimes that is too big of a leap for them in this moment. And it's okay, but please take a step. If you can't take a leap, please take a step. And you know, I love my bed and breakfast is small, so what I focus on are solo retreats.

So women are coming here.

I love holding space for women that are holding space for themselves. It's a pattern interrupt. We have big butcher paper that is on the dining table and colored pencils, and I just ask them to dream. If there were no limitations, what would next year look like? What would the next decade look like? And they can work on it as they're here and they can go outside and walk the trails or around the pond or any fabulous thing. I just purchased the 30 acres that are next door to my farm. That was a [00:54:00] part of the original property when the house was built in 1785. And that was really important to me. And I knew it was gonna happen and I had no idea how I was gonna make that happen.

But the how is not my responsibility. I love that. Yep. And now here it's, and I'm so excited. So it, it all starts with taking a step and trusting yourself that your knower is working. And you are allowed to have and be and do everything that you want 

Laurie: .And I just keep thinking about what an amazing legacy for your daughter.

Mm. Watching you. Thank you. Live this super full life of all sorts of incredible experiences. And changing the dream as you go, you know? Yeah. Getting a little bigger, not worrying about how this is gonna happen, but just knowing that the fact that [00:55:00] this is important to you means it's already, it's already done.

Right. We'll, we'll figure out how to do it, but what, what a gift to her to be growing up with such an incredible role model. 

Wendy: Hmm. Thank you. Yes, of course. She's, she's 11, so there's still some eye rolls to it, but of course, I, you know, she's to tell her therapist about how awful it was that her mom took her to France for six weeks a year.

Yeah. 

Laurie: And she, it's awful. Didn't Yes, yes. Well, 

Wendy: and it wasn't like a normal mom.

Laurie: And at some point she's going to thank you for that. Yes. Maybe, maybe not yet. Maybe there are some teenage years to come, but, um, right. 

Wendy: And it's okay because her approval is not my permission. Slip, boom. Oh my gosh. 

Laurie: Yes, yes, yes, yes. I, um, I feel like Wendy, I could talk to you for hours. I'm, I'm mindful of, I, I feel like I've already taken way too much of your time, [00:56:00] but we end every episode of the School of Medlife with the same two questions. So, um, I would before I go there though, is there anything else that, you know, you just, it's so on your heart that you feel like you need to share with the listeners. 

Wendy: Oh my gosh. First, I love you so much. Thank you. And I'm so excited to be connected, and I'm so excited that you're gonna be on my podcast as well, because I could talk to you for hours and I know we'll be continuing this. But for the listener, I just.

I just invite you to shut your eyes if you're not driving, and please, and take a deep breath and just remind yourself that you know. And it's safe to know. And you can trust that knowing, and that's your [00:57:00] only role in that today. And then you'll know what to do next because you can trust your knowing. 

Laurie: And if I can piggyback on that, please.

Um. Put it out into the universe. I mean, know it. Sure. But then it, if it's, if it's not safe or it's too scary to say it out loud, then write it down. Yeah. But like, get it out because yes, the universe has your back. Totally. It's going to conspire with you to make that a reality. 

Wendy: So Yes. And if you wanna be really bold, you can DM me and tell me.

'cause I'll, um, your dreams are not too big, especially if you're talking to me. I 

Laurie: love that. Yes. Yes, yes. I mean the, all the things, 100% dm, Wendy, dm, Laurie, we are here for you. We will cheer you on. We will do everything that we can to make that a reality for you. We need your help too. You gotta actually [00:58:00] do some, you gotta carry a little water along the way, but That's right.

But we're here to support you and cheer you on. Um, okay. So, uh, number one question that we ask all of our guests, okay. If you could go back, knowing all the life lessons that you have learned, all of the wisdom that you've gained, all of the experience that you have, what advice would you give your 20-year-old self?

Wendy: Ooh. I think I would say exactly what I just said to your listener. I would tell myself that my knower is working and that I can trust it.

Yeah. That's what I'd say. 

Laurie: I love that. So literally following your own advice. Yeah. Isn't that amazing? Yes. Very good. Very good. And then finally, what do you love most about being a midlife woman? 

Wendy: Oh, giving zero Fs. I dunno if I'm allowed to say. Absolutely. We, we love, oh, we love as F bomb. On [00:59:00] this podcast, I am obsessed with agency.

I am obsessed with the woman that I am becoming because my commitment to myself is real. And I decided that I was worth the time. And it took as long as it took and all the hurdles that I needed to pass, but I am so glad for it and I'm so happy to be here now. And I really don't care what anybody else thinks about what I'm doing.

That is the most glorious experience I have ever had in my life.

Laurie: That is the perfect way to end this episode. Thank you so much for being here. I have absolutely loved this conversation. I cannot wait to take it offline and see what amazing things we put together for next year. Ditto. Thanks so much for being here.

Thank you.

[01:00:00] Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews.