School of Midlife

145. What Are You Actually Claiming in Midlife? (Because Hoping Isn't Enough)

• Episode 145

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You don’t get what you don’t claim—so what are you ready to stop whispering about and start declaring?

🎙 Episode Summary:

Midlife isn’t the time to keep performing, people-pleasing, or pretending. It’s the moment to finally get honest about what you actually want—not what you've been told to want, conditioned to want, or praised for wanting.

In this fiery solo episode, Laurie drops the mic on why high-achieving women feel stuck, even when their lives “look good on paper,” and reveals the powerful shift that happens when you stop waiting for clarity and start claiming your desires.

We’re talking about the difference between passive wishing and bold ownership. Why claiming what you want feels selfish (spoiler: it’s not). And why you don’t need to blow up your life to start living differently—you just need to stop outsourcing your happiness and start making small intentional moves that align with the woman you are now.

If you’ve been craving more clarity, more direction, and more you in your life, this one’s going to light a fire under you.

🔥 In This Episode:

  • Why claiming is different from wishing or hoping
  • The fear of “burning it all down” (and why you don’t need to)
  • The problem with living a life someone else defined as “successful”
  • How to start flexing your “claim it” muscle with tangible tools like the Morning 5-10-5
  • Why waiting for permission is keeping you stuck

💬 Memorable Quote:

“You can’t pursue what you don’t name. You can’t create what you don’t claim.”


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[00:00:00] in today's episode of The School of Midlife Podcast, we're talking about the fact that midlife is not the time to wait for clarity. It's the time to claim what you actually want. Yeah, because what if the biggest reason you're still feeling stuck is because you haven't actually claimed what it is you want?

Not fantasized about it or wished for it, but claimed it, declared it, owned it... like your life depends on it, because it kind of does.

Let's dive into it.

Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson.

This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions, like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work? Each week we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow [00:01:00] up. Let's make midlife your best life. 

Hey, friends. Welcome back to another episode of The School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. It is so great to see you here today. I, I'll, I'll start by coming clean. This episode is actually a mistake. I started creating an outline of what I wanted to talk about on today's episode, and I typed in one line, which is you have to claim what you want in midlife.

And in my, in my mind, this was just where I was going to start brainstorming for topics and what I was actually gonna build on was this idea about claiming what you want in midlife. And then as it turns out, I, I, I kept looking at it and sure, I hadn't fully formed the idea and I, I was [00:02:00] 100% planning to just use that as a starting point.

And the more I looked at it, I was like, that's it. That's the episode. You have to claim what you want in midlife. That's what I had typed. One sentence. That's it. And like I said, I was planning to build on it. I was, I was going to talk about more things, but then I was like, damn, that's it. You have to claim what you want in midlife. And I can't tell you if it's divine timing or just a little intuitive nudge.

But I will tell you that the more I got quiet and I listened, and the more I started to trust my own intuition. I realize that that's exactly what we need to talk about today.

And hell, if that isn't a thesis statement for everything I teach and coach and write and live here at the School of Midlife, I, I don't know what is.

I talk about [00:03:00] figuring out what you actually want. I talk about living a life that is successful on your terms. I talk and write all about envisioning what your best life looks like. Who is the woman who is living the best life version of your life? And it all comes back to what do you want and, and claiming that.

That's what we're gonna talk about today. Claiming it. Easier said than done, right? Maybe, maybe not, but let's be honest. Most high achieving women in midlife are amazing at doing things. We're amazing at doing what is expected of us. We're pretty much Olympic level performers when it comes to showing up and checking boxes and hitting goals, raising humans, proving our worth.

And we, we look pretty damn good while we're doing it. I mean, if everyone knew what it actually took to be us, can you even imagine? We do it all so well without [00:04:00] complaint. We're dependable, we're responsible, we're keeping everything afloat in our home and our work lives. And there comes a time for most of us when we start asking ourselves, is this it?

It's almost become this problem that we don't talk about. This feeling of restlessness or misalignment. We, we feel like there's something missing, but we can't quite put our finger on what that is. Some of us feel like I've worked my ass off for this. You know, moving our hands around and, and looking at everything in our life.

Not because we don't have great lives. We do. We absolutely do. It's also not because we're not grateful for everything we have, because we absolutely are. But something feels off. And for most midlife women, we're scared to claim what it is we [00:05:00] really want.

Maybe because it feels selfish, which we talked about in the last week's episode. Or indulgent, or does it even feel realistic to want what it is we want?

For most of us, it's because we thought we'd get to midlife having worked so hard and be magically rewarded with an opportunity to live the way that we finally wanna live in retirement and beyond.

But here's the kicker. We've built our entire lives around what we were taught to want, success, achievement, productivity, respect. And here's the problem: We never got the memo that said that wanting something different, maybe something a little softer or slower or wilder or weirder, we never understood that that was allowed of us. [00:06:00] Which has led us to midlife and, and midlife rolls around and we feel this nudge, like there has to be something more than this.

But when we sit down to answer the question, well, what is it that I, what, well, what do I actually want? Our minds go blank, don't they? It's like, uh, what do you mean what do I actually want? This, this, this life I'm living? Of course. And you know, we look around and we gesture wildly at our life because that's what we're supposed to want.

And it's been, and it's what we've been conditioned to want. And we're hesitant to want something else because who are we to want for more than we already have when we already have so much? I mean, many of us are currently living a life we once dreamt about. Think about that. If you could go back. [00:07:00] 20 or 30 years and dream about the life that you wanted, many of us are living that life right now. So we feel a little guilty for wanting more, don't we? Especially right now when there is a lot of people going through a lot in the world. There are a lot of people going without in the world, and we're high achieving women, so we already have so much. Which gets to the idea about being selfish that I talked about in last week's episode.

If you haven't already listened to that one, i'll drop a clickable link in the show notes so you can go back and listen to it. 'cause it's a really good one. Because so many of us do feel like wanting more is selfish.

Or we fear that if we're honest about what we want, then we'll have to blow up everything we've already built.

We're gonna have to start again, start from zero, make decisions,

and that's not [00:08:00] right.

We don't have to start again. We don't have to start over. We're just starting to make decisions that align with the women we are now, not the women we were told to be when we were just coming up in the world. I mean, honestly, that could be an entire episode on just its own.

But if you hear only one thing today, let it be this: you are allowed to want different things now than you once did. You are allowed to change your mind. You are allowed to recognize that your tastes have changed over time as you've grown up. You've had some experiences, you've learned things about yourself. You've learned things about the world. You can change your mind.

It's okay to realize in your thirties or forties or fifties or sixties or beyond that there is more that you want out of life.

One last thing I'll say about that before we [00:09:00] go too far afield here, because do you ever notice that I'm really good with tangents that, that I can go down rabbit holes of digressions better than most?

I mean, talk about a superpower, but it's so interesting to me that so many of the women that I coach realize that they're just a few intentional decisions away from living their best life. Like they don't have to blow it all up. They might be worried about having to start all over, but that's not usually what's needed at all.

They've built an incredible foundation, most of them. Usually it's a couple of different decisions here and there, small things that that add up, that compound. So for most of us, you don't have to burn it all down, which makes it a little more palatable to claim what it is we want. To figure out what success means to us, to talk about what living our best life looks like.

We don't have to start from zero. We don't have to burn it all down. [00:10:00] You just have to know what it is you actually want in this season of life. What's important to you now. And with a little coaching, you can start living a much different life as soon as you're ready to claim what it is you want. Look at that.

I actually brought it back to the topic at hand. Yay me. 

So back to today's episode. Let's talk about claiming what you want, claiming what success looks like to you, claiming what living your best life looks like and feels like to you. And maybe before we get too far into the claiming, let's talk about why claiming is different than admitting you want something.

Claiming has an energy to it, right? It's intentional, it's ownership. It's, I'm claiming this for myself. Wanting something, especially in the way we were raised and conditioned throughout our lives up to this point, that's passive. [00:11:00] It's a nice to have. It's the difference between saying or thinking, I wish I could. And this is mine to go after.

Do you hear the difference? When I talk about figuring out what you actually want in midlife and beyond, that's claiming It's not passive. It's planting a flag. This is what I want. This is what I'm going after. This is what I'm claiming for myself. I'm not asking for your permission.

I'm claiming it. This is what I want.

Because here's the truth. You can't pursue what you don't name,. You can't create what you don't claim. Look at that rhyming today, yay me. Give yourself permission to admit what you want. Give yourself permission to experience everything that's important to you.

Look, I get [00:12:00] it. Naming what you want can feel terrifying. Because once you name it, you can't unknow it. Once you whisper, I want more freedom. I want to feel alive again. I want to stop performing and start living. Once you do that, then you can't keep pretending that the old ways you've been living your life, that those still fit you anymore.

But that doesn't mean you have to burn it all down. It doesn't mean you have to quit your job tomorrow and move to Tuscany unless you want to. It means you have to start being intentional about making some micro moves towards a life that feels more like you.

It means you stop outsourcing your life to other people's expectations. You start trusting your intuition. [00:13:00] You move in the direction of what's important to you. But it's your choice if you don't claim the life you want, you'll likely stay stuck in this cycle of, is this it? You'll continue probably to feel like something's missing or that there's something more out there for you.

Ultimately, that can lead to at best burnout, at worst resentment, but it's up to you. You get to choose how you wanna live your life. I personally don't want you to miss the opportunity of midlife. I don't want you to wake up 10 or 20 years from now and think I should have made a different decision. I should have gone in a, a different direction.

I should have trusted my intuition. I should have done the thing I wanted to do. But I, I can't want things for your life more than you do. It's your life.

I will tell you though, based on years of [00:14:00] coaching, high achieving midlife women, that once they figure out what they want and they claim it by moving in the direction of their dreams, they feel completely lit up. Aligned, alive, excited about what's to come for them.

If it's been a while since you felt like that in your own life, maybe it's time that you got more intentional. Maybe it's time you got more serious about living your own life because we've talked about it before. We talk about it all the time, but you get one shot at this life, so you might as well make it the best life that you can; right?

You might be thinking, this all sounds great, Laurie but what does this actually look like? Let me give you a few ways that you can start flexing your "claim it" muscle.

Number one, pause and listen. If you never slow down, you'll never hear what your soul is trying to tell you If you, it, it just, it can't compete [00:15:00] with the noise of everyday life and all of this distractions around you, which means you have to be intentional about getting still.

Check in with yourself. Journal about your thoughts and feelings. Take a walk without your phone. Ask yourself, What have I been suppressing or minimizing? And be honest with yourself with the answer.

If you're not a journaler, use the Morning 5-10-5 from the Best Life Planner. Spend five minutes each day writing down five things you're grateful for that morning, 10 dreams you achieved, and five things you're looking forward to that day. There's so, so much good in the Morning 5-10-5. It's scientifically backed, it's results proven. It's so good.

For what we're talking about here today though. Let's focus on the 10 dreams I achieved. Those are 10 phrases or sentences that describe best life you living your best life. They're the same dreams written [00:16:00] every single day until you make them your reality or change your mind, you know that, that maybe it's not important for you in this season of life anymore. But you write them down same 10 dreams every day, and you write them as if you are already living them.

That is going to trigger something in your subconscious brain. And it's gonna get that subconscious brain involved in creating a new and different reality for you while you are busy living your life. It's so powerful. You don't need the Best Life Planner to do that practice each morning, but it's one of the daily practices that the Best Life Planner was built around.

I will drop a clickable link in the show notes. You can order yours if you want one. I will drop it in the mail the day after you order it. There are a number of videos on the School of Midlife website that show you how to use it. Grab yourself a Best Life Planner. Or do yourself the favor of just doing the Morning 5-10-5 on a [00:17:00] piece of paper every single day. Up to you.

So to recap, number one on that building the "claim it" muscle is get intentional about pausing and listening to yourself.

Next, practice saying what you want out loud. Let yourself hear, claiming what you want out loud, even if you just whisper it to yourself in the car.

I want to write a book. I want to feel sexy again. I want to take a sabbatical. I wanna rekindle the spark in my marriage. I want more sex. I want, however it is that you wanna fill in the blank. What do you want? Naming what it is that you actually want? That is the first step in claiming what's yours.

I think that you'll find when you do this, when you say what you want out loud, you'll realize how energized you feel by claiming what you want. [00:18:00] It should excite you. Admitting what you want to yourself feels freeing in the very best way possible. It's about excitement and possibility and opportunity. It's so, so powerful.

I'll let you know though. It could feel a little edgy or selfish at first because most of us are used to burying our true wants and desires for a long time.

Maybe not burying, but definitely setting aside, waiting for the right time, focusing on the things and people who seem like they need our time and attention more than we do. But it's a muscle and you can build it up over time. After a while, I promise that you'll find yourself excited by the possibilities. But you have to start: say what you want out loud.

Finally, stop waiting for permission. You're a grown ass woman. If you're waiting for [00:19:00] someone else to validate your desires, you will be waiting forever. Because they're all looking out for number one. You should too. You are entitled to go after what you want. You are entitled to leave a legacy that's more than how much time you've devoted to others.

You get to decide what you actually want and what your best life looks like. So stop waiting for someone else to give you permission to live the life you want.

Listen, I, I could have ignored that one sentence when I was starting today's outline. I could have hit delete or I could have continued to build on it, which is what I planned to do, but something in me said, Nope.

That's it. That's the one that I need to hear today. And that's what I think the listeners need to hear too. So let this be your invitation to stop pretending you're fine [00:20:00] when you're actually yearning for something more. This is your permission slip to stop editing yourself down into a version that fits someone else's ideas of success.

This is your sign. This is your permission to claim what you want.

And if you're ready to start, I'm super excited to let you know that I'm hosting a one day Best Life Planning Day in Boise in December. And look, I know it's a busy holiday season, but I also know that if you keep living the same day. Day in, day out, if you don't take a moment to claim what you want for your life, you'll get to the end of the year every single year, and think that year went even faster than the last one. Like, how are we putting up Christmas lights again already? And I, I don't want that to be how you end next year. I also love a little momentum in December to carry [00:21:00] you through to the next year.

We're gonna talk about why every year feels like a blur, even when you're doing all the right things. You'll leave knowing what you actually want beyond the titles, the roles and the responsibilities, and you'll also leave with tactical strategies and a plan to claim what you want in 2026 and beyond, so that you can make next year feel different without blowing up your whole life.

More information on the Best Life Planning Day is in the show notes. I hope to see you there.

If this episode hit home for you, will you please share it with a friend who's also been living a little in limbo? And if you're ready to actually build the life you want, not just fantasize about it, join us for the Best Life Planning Day, or email me about one-on-one coaching. There are just a handful of spots available for new coaching clients as we wrap up 2025 and we move into 2026.

I will leave you with this today. You're not imagining it. You absolutely [00:22:00] were made for something more, my friend. But you don't get what you don't claim. So my question to you today is: what are you ready to claim?

Thank you so much for being here today. I will see you on Friday for a brand new guest episode, and I'll see you back here next week when the School of Midlife is back in session.

Until then, take good care.

 Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. [00:23:00] And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews. 

So if you take a minute and say some nice things about the podcast, well, that's just good karma. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you right back here next week when the School of Midlife is back in session. Until then take good care.

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Laurie Reynoldson

Host