127. What to Do When the Life You Built Isn't the Life You Want? | Replay

This week, I'm sharing one of the most-loved episodes of the School of Midlife Podcast—because it’s just that important. And, because life is lifing (hello, packing chaos and writing deadlines), I’m walking my talk and letting this replay stand in its power.

We’re diving into the concept of Adult Dreams—and why so many of us in midlife wake up realizing we’ve been living the life our fifth-grade self dreamed up. Or worse, the one someone else dreamed for us. It served us for a while… until it didn’t.

In this episode, I’ll take you behind the scenes of my own wake-up call—the moment I walked away from the law (and a partnership at a prestigious firm) because I finally admitted: I was living a dream that wasn’t mine anymore.

If you’ve ever thought:

• “Is this it?”
• “I should be happy, so why do I feel stuck?”
• “What do I really want now?”

Then this episode is your permission slip to pause, reflect, and start dreaming again—from where you are now, not where you started.

Inside this episode:

• The story of my fifth-grade courtroom debut (and wardrobe priorities)
• Why high-achieving women so often feel stuck in midlife
• What it means to dream an “adult dream”—and why it’s not too late to start
• How to start rewriting your success story in midlife (without burning your life down)

Mentioned in this episode:
🎟️ The Best Life Retreat (October in Sun Valley!) – come spend a weekend creating your own next chapter. Space is very limited.

📔 Best Life Planner – home of the daily 5-10-5 practice I swear by

Let’s connect:
If this episode resonated with you, let me know! Screenshot your favorite moment, tag me on Instagram, or slide into my DMs with what you are dreaming now.

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Transcript

Hey friends. Welcome back to another episode of The School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson, and I am thrilled to have you here today. If you are watching the video, you might be able to tell. So there's my bookshelf. There are no books on it because we are in the pre moving the, the packing stage of moving.

Uh, we're gonna move probably in about four weeks, and so some of our rooms are packed, some of them are not. It's feeling a little chaotic at the house, but so if you're kind of wondering what's going on in my office here? 'cause it looks a little funny if you're watching it on the video, that's what's going on.

Also, it has occurred to me that pretty much every time I record a video, I have a white shirt, sweater, whatever on. Today is no exception. Yes, I do tend to wear a lot of white in the summer and um, and I do laundry quite often. So if you are worried about the [00:01:00] fact that I keep showing up in exactly the same thing, don't worry your pretty little head about it 'cause it, it's just all the white shirts I have in my wardrobe.

When it came time to record an episode of the podcast today, I had all of these ideas. I am actually in the process of writing a book. If you've been around here for a while, you know that number one, every morning on my Morning 5-10-5 in the Best Life Planner is I am a number one New York Times bestselling author.

 The 5-10-5, it's five things I'm grateful for, 10 dreams I achieved and I write them as if they have already happened. There's some science there. Five things that I'm looking forward to today. So 5 10, 5. Number one is always about writing the book and becoming a number one New York Times bestselling author.

That is super hard to do. But I'll tell you, it's even more difficult to do if you don't even write the [00:02:00] book. So I have been in a process of writing the book. I have reserved a URL for , the working title of the book. I'm excited to share it with you. It's gonna be a little while though.

But over the weekend, spent quite a lot of time working on a chapter about dreaming adult dreams. And what happens when you wake up for me, in my fifties and realize, you know what? I've been living a life that 10-year-old Laurie, this is her dream. 

That's great that for most of my life I was living what a fifth grader thought would be my dream life. But there came a point where I had to kind of step back and say that life served me really well up to this point, but it's time to dream some adult dreams.

Which meant [00:03:00] because I've spent so much time writing that particular chapter over the weekend, when it came time to sit down and record the episode, that's kind of all I was thinking about. That of course, it would make sense to talk to you about dreaming adult dreams. Talk to you about why so many of us are living a life that is consistent with the dreams that we had when we were little, or the dreams that our parents had for us, or the dreams that society conditioned us, influenced us to want to live. Lot of dreams that were not our own.

I figured that would be a great podcast episode. And then I realized that I actually recorded one in March that got rave reviews. Could I improve upon it? Maybe. But I also thought why recreate the wheel?

The beautiful thing about the School of Midlife podcast is I'm trying to model for you what it looks like [00:04:00] to make midlife and beyond your very best life.

And part of that is to be intentional about the things that I talk about on the podcast. So if I'm in my mind thinking it would be great to discuss dreaming some adult dreams. How do we get there? How do we get intentional about making midlife our best life? 

Well, if I've already talked about it and talked about it in a way that people really resonated with, does it make sense to record another episode from top to bottom? Completely new? I, I don't think so. And besides, I mean, I, giving the packing and the writing, and I've got a business trip next week, so maybe it's cashing it in to deliver a replay today. I don't think so though. 

I think it's really about showing you what's possible when [00:05:00] you set and hold some healthy boundaries for yourself, when you quiet, that internal editor, which says, it always has to be new. It always has to be better. It always has to be perfect. No, no, no, no. That's, that's not what we're doing here. 

So instead of recording a new podcast episode, please enjoy this replay from back in March. The content is still just as important today as it was when it was originally recorded several months ago. Maybe even more important today. 

What I have realized as I've been writing this chapter in the book over the weekend is this is such an important part of what we do at the School of Midlife, which is getting you out of this idea that you can't make big changes in midlife. Some of you don't have to make big changes. Some of you just need to make some small, intentional tweaks in how you're showing [00:06:00] up. But for those of you who maybe want to make some big changes, maybe you need to end a relationship or change your career or quit your job or move to a new city.

How can you show up with a beginner's mindset, with some curiosity, with some excitement about the future? And how can you do that in a way that you are moving towards achieving some adult dreams that you're dreaming and not the ones that you dreamed when you were a little kid? So enjoy this replay.

I'll see you right back here next week with a brand new episode.

Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson.

This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions. Like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work. Each week we're answering these questions and [00:07:00] more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make midlife your best life. 

Well, hey there, friends. Welcome back to another episode of the School of Midlife podcast. For the first time ever, we are actually recording the podcast in video form. There have been some requests for video form. Others of you prefer to just listen to the audio like we've always done, and that's totally cool.

But for those of you who want a weekly dose of a little midlife video, um, this one's for you. So if you like it, let me know. If you'd prefer not to have the video, let me know that too. I'm not terribly worried about what I look like on video, but yeah, it takes a little bit more time to maybe curl my hair and throw on some makeup and [00:08:00] be camera ready, which is why for the longest time we have always done just audio.

In fact, we're coming up on our two year anniversary of the School of Midlife podcast, which is bananas. I can't even believe that, but be that as it may, we are very close to two years. I think we're about. Two weeks away maybe? I don't know. I've got to look it up, but really interesting and just grateful that you have been here through some of it, all of it, always, always thrilled to have you here and so grateful that you spend part of your week with me every week that I don't, that's something I don't take lightly. I'm so grateful for it. 

In today's episode, I want to talk about living a life that you want. A life that you actually want, not that you've been conditioned to want, not what your parents raised you to want, not what society tells you to want, but what it is it that you genuinely want.

And if you've been around here for a while or you've been involved [00:09:00] in any of my one on one coaching or group coaching or retreats, then you know we spend a day or decent chunk of time trying to figure out what it is we want. And it, sure, it sounds simple enough and it's an easy concept, but for most of us, we, we really don't know what we want.

We're more on autopilot, just kind of doing the things that we think we should want. The things that we are supposed to want. The things that society tells us that we will be in success when we achieve them. And the interesting thing about talking about this today is I recently had an epiphany. And, I've been talking about this for the better part of five years, like this is the foundational stuff.

 If you're concerned that you're having a midlife crisis or you're worried about I've been so successful in my life up until now, what is next for me? Before we can even [00:10:00] move on into the what's next for me, you know, I've got the 401k and I've had huge success in my career and the kids are grown and flown and my parents , are in a good situation.

 We spend so much time doing all the things for so many other people in our life. And then we get to midlife and it's this idea that we finally made it and we're going to be rewarded with this wonderful midlife experience. And if we don't know what we want, then we're just. Going to find ourselves in this sort of in between state and maybe that's why it's called midlife, right?

But we can continue to keep doing the things that we have always done. We know that that's not going to give us any new or different outcomes. If we're just doing the same thing that we've always done, then we should, we'll end up with the exact same experiences. But what I realized recently [00:11:00] was.

I finally understood why , knowing what you want is the foundational piece. Like, I've been teaching this for five years. I've been coaching on it for five years. It's such a cornerstone piece of the entire curriculum that all of my coaching clients go through. And I finally figured out why it's so important.

I knew! You know how you just, you Have this innate understanding, this knowing, I knew it was important and I finally figured out why, so, you know, it's, it's taken me 53 years to figure this out. I coach on it, so it's taken me a good five years to even figure that out, but I'm going to break it down to you in really simple terms, but I'll tell you what, I, like, it occurred to me a couple of weeks ago and it blew my mind.

Because I, I just, I hadn't thought about it that way before and I think that's, that's what I hope I'm doing in this podcast and [00:12:00] other pieces of the School of Midlife, which is giving you Things to think about in maybe a different way than you've thought about them before. I'm asking you to consider, or think about, or imagine, or experience almost everything in your life in a different way than you have before.

Because so many of us have been on this, We set our lives in motion a very long time ago and that was because we were doing what we thought we were supposed to do, right? We were following the success checklist to a T. Go to school, get a job, get married, buy a house, have some kids, raise them up. Get promoted in our career, climb the corporate ladder, retire.

I mean, we've been really lockstep following this checklist, this to do list that was given to us. It's not something that we sat down with a pen and paper and said, okay, and then I'm going to do this. And then I'm going to do that. And that, I mean, maybe [00:13:00] we did because certainly, you know, you don't just go to school and willy nilly end up with a career that you didn't put any.

Thought into, but for the most part we are just sort of blindly following this. This is what it means to be a good girl. This is what it means to be a successful girl. And we've been doing that our whole lives, I am no stranger to that myself. 

Some of you are newer to the podcast than others, so for many of you, you may not know my backstory.

But I was a commercial real estate attorney for the first 20 years of my career, and I was really damn good at it. You know, award winning, my clients loved me, I was really, really good at it. I kinda used to joke though that I was a little bit of a job whore, It seemed like, especially in the beginning of my career, I would change jobs like every two years.

Because I, I would get in a position and I'd be working for a firm [00:14:00] or in corporate or wherever I was working. And, I would just get really, I don't know if bored is the right word, but I could just feel like the newness had worn off, the excitement was gone, and I just felt like I was kind of going through the motions.

Like I wasn't being challenged, I was like suffering through a case of the Sundays every single Sunday and some people call those the Sunday scaries. I have always called them the Sundays and they're that day long dread on Sunday. All day on Sunday where you just think to yourself, I gotta go to work tomorrow.

And I I suffered through an acute case of the Sundays every Sunday for years. I mean, I'm not even being dramatic. It's just, I, I never, never, I mean, absolutes are tough, but for most of my career, I didn't want to go back to work on Monday. And I spent [00:15:00] all day Sunday just dreading it. I, I would always bring my briefcase or my messenger bag, whatever I was using at that point, with my laptop in it.

I would always cart that home full of tons of work. I would set it, at a certain spot near the garage door. And I would walk by that thing every frickin day. And every time I would walk by that bag and I hadn't picked it up and I hadn't opened it, it was just this feeling of dread inside of me.

Like, I know what I'm supposed to be doing, but I sure as hell don't want to spend my weekend doing that. And I did that every weekend , and for those of you who are more skilled at the Sundays like myself, you might also recognize that there does come a point on Sunday night, usually at about eight 30 or nine o'clock at night when most people are winding down and you're like, holy shit, I got to actually do some work because this is either due Monday morning, or I've got to make a call or [00:16:00] for some reason I had to get the work done.

So. So I would finally like buckle down, sit down, start the work at like 9 o'clock on a Sunday night and as you might imagine that is a terrible recipe for getting a good night's sleep. 

But I did that for 20 years. I was routinely billing 40, 50, usually between 50 and 60 hours a week. So if you do the math on how many hours I was actually working, I mean it, I, I don't even like to think about it because it was not a good way to live. And I did that for years.

I did that for decades. Until I realized that, you know what? The law isn't for me.

 I've told this story on the podcast before, but again, there are several of you who are new. I did not plan to leave the law. In fact, I was on the verge of joining the partnership of a large, super regional firm, the thing that I had literally worked my [00:17:00] entire life to get. The job that was kind of the cherry on top, the creme de la creme, the thing that all.

Attorneys in private practice, that's what they work for to earn a partnership in a large firm. And I had been, I'd been a partner in a small boutique firm before I had, I was running a part of a corporate legal department. During the global recession, I actually had my own practice for a while.

So I had. experienced all sorts of different ownership and management situations through my career. So yeah, I'd been there for 20 years doing practicing law, commercial real estate, and I'd even been in ownership and management positions. But this one was different. This was the big cheese, right?

 When I was going to law school this is how I expected I would end my career as a partner at a large firm

to become a partner in a large firm you spend almost it's almost a two year [00:18:00] process where they look at everything About your legal practice up to that point to figure out if you are worthy of being considered to join the partnership.

So, you know, they look at how many hours are you billing? How much work are you bringing in? Who are you working with in the firm? I mean, are you just working on projects that they give you, or are you seeking out opportunities to work with other partners in different offices?

Are you mentoring associates who are under you? Are you mentoring paralegals that are on your team? It's a large scope of information and, and they collect it obviously all through your career, but they really focus on the last two years prior to the partnership vote. And the last step before going to vote is this partnership admission interview.

, it's exactly like you would expect it to be. In a corner conference room, uh, in a high rise building in a [00:19:00] large city, you know, floor to ceiling windows, large mahogany table in the middle. 15 of those black high backed leather conference room chairs around them full of partners.

And then me, and you go to the partnership admission interview. And, and by this time they know. So much about you. I swear to God, I think they're just trying to make sure that you're not an asshole, that you can answer a simple question, you know, like they want to lay eyes on you so that they can vouch for you when it goes to the partnership vote. 

The last question they asked me was how will your job change if you were lucky enough to be invited to join the partnership? And because I'm a verbal processor, which is why podcasting works so great for me, I was kind of, one, I wasn't expecting the question and, you know, it wasn't like one of those standard interview questions that, you know, what is your greatest weakness?

Oh, well, I'm [00:20:00] a perfectionist. For some reason, I I wasn't prepared for it and I hadn't really thought about it. So I'm working my way through an answer, which is, I don't think my job is going to change that much. I'm already mentoring the associates on my team. I'm already bringing in a ton of business.

I'm co chairing the marketing department for the Boise office. I'm co chairing the foundation committee for The Boise office. I mean, I was already acting as if I was a partner. So I said, I didn't think my job would change that much. Really the only thing that would change is my title would go from of counsel to partner.

And of counsel just means that you're a senior attorney who is not a partner and is not really on the partnership track. Unless you're in the legal field, nobody knows what that is. So being a partner helps with business development because everyone wants to work with a partner. Um, so I told him, you know, I, I think it'll be easier for me to bring in business because my, my title will change.

And then [00:21:00] the only other thing that I could think of that would change is I'd be making more money. So the way I was compensated. 

And with that, the meeting was over. And I flew back to Boise. And there was something about that question that did just this little niggle that I could not get it out of my head for weeks. I just kept thinking about it, not because I hadn't answered it correctly, but because I started thinking, when have you ever done anything for money? And I hadn't up until that point. I mean, there were points in my career where because I had a really good opportunity, I would actually take a pay cut if I was making a job change.

So money, money is great. But for me it was never the highest motivating factor on whether I was going to take a job or not.

The other thing that I just couldn't move past was this whole idea that I've been suffering from a case of the Sundays for years. How did I [00:22:00] think that that was going to go away just because I was a partner?

In fact, I'd already told them, and truthfully, rightfully so, that my job wasn't going to change at all. I mean, if I really thought about it, it would probably get a little more political, right? Because I'd be going to more meetings, uh, involved in more leadership. Which always has good and bad with it, right?

You certainly have to play the politics game a little bit more. 

But did I want to still carry that Sunday shit with me every week? Did I want? To live a future where I was billing 40, 50, 60 hours a week, is that what I really had envisioned for my life?

Let me ask you something. When was the last time you stepped away from your life to actually focus on your life? No emails, no group texts, no one asking, what's [00:23:00] for dinner? Just space. Just time for you.

If one day sounds like a dream, imagine what an entire weekend could do. 

I am inviting you to join me for the next Best Life Retreat in breathtaking Sun Valley, Idaho, a luxurious, intimate escape, designed specifically for midlife women like you .

We will spend the weekend diving into powerful group coaching sessions that help you reconnect with who you are, what you want, and what your best life looks like right now. And between those breakthroughs, you'll enjoy sunrise hikes, spa treatments, gourmet meals, curated cocktails, and the best gift bag you've ever seen.

This isn't a vacation, it is a turning point. One woman has even described the weekend as: that retreat changed my life. Space is limited to just eight women, and when the spots are gone, they're gone. So if you're craving some space, clarity, connection, and maybe even a little magic, [00:24:00] click the link in the show notes and grab your seat right now. And I'll see you in Sun Valley .

After thinking about it for a couple of weeks, I went into the administrative partner's office and I waited until the last part of the day to walk into his office. And there were a couple of times, cause you know, I'm, I'm pretty anxious about it. Like this is, this is a big decision and I, I was really nervous about it.

And I would walk by his office a couple of times and the door was closed, or he was in a meeting or he was on the phone. And I was like, Oh, thank God I don't have to do it right now. But I waited until the very last minute after work hours that day. And I still remember, you know, I had my navy blue, it was the middle of summer, so it was, it was July, and I had this sleeveless, um, navy blue poplin mini dress on, very attorney, but also summer whatever.[00:25:00] 

And I walk in, and I sit down. And I say, I'm going to make this really easy on the partnership admission committee. I'm withdrawing my name from consideration for partnership. He takes off his glasses and just kind of rubs his eyes a little bit.

Like this, this is not what I was hoping for you to come in here and tell me. Puts his glasses back on, looks at me, and I, and then I just continued and I said, And I'm leaving the firm. I'm leaving the law. 

And it was, I'm not gonna say angels sang at that moment, but I could just feel this weight on my shoulders dissipate.

That, yes, I was anxious to go in and essentially walk away from the career that I had gone to college for for four years, spent three years in law school, graduated with 130, 000 of law school debt in 1998. So that was, that was more than people paid for their [00:26:00] mortgage on their first house. Some of them had even on their second house, right?

It was a big chunk of money. But for the first time ever, Even though I still had loans to pay back because, yeah, I was in it 20 years, but the interest rates were high and I had a lot of debt to pay back, but I just, I figured there was some way that I could figure this out and there was some way that I could do something that I wouldn't dread going to work every week 

I didn't know what that was then, I know that was the right choice. At the time, I did not know why. And this is where the whole mind blowing realization that I recently had came in to be. And I think it's exactly why so many high performing women experience this sort of midlife angst, or this midlife questioning, or this feeling of what's next [00:27:00] for me, or I'm running out of time, or how can I, how can I do what I want to do when I don't even know what that is?

So, however you label it, I think a lot of us find ourselves in that spot. And what occurred to me just. recently was, I had said in fifth grade, I was going to become an attorney,

Fifth grade, when I was tapped to play the part of an attorney in my history class in fifth grade, my client lost because I had spent the better part of the night before. Worrying about, was the clothing that I was wearing, did it look attorney enough? Um, so actually I wore a brown herringbone tweed blazer, this cream ruffled front.

 Blouse with a, with a bow on it. I probably had a skirt [00:28:00] on. But I remember the blazer and the blouse. And I spent a lot of time picking that out because I wanted to look just right. I spent so much time thinking about my wardrobe that I started panicking the night before because I didn't have my argument written out and I was kind of talking back and forth with my dad about it and we were sussing out \ what the argument could be and how I could best represent my client and, and I begged him to essentially distill our conversation which, which were my comments and, and my thoughts, but dad, can you please write them on the little index cards so that when I go up to the front and I deliver it. Like, it'll be written in sentences and instead of just this, all this, whatever's going on in my head. And he did, he wrote it down in his perfectly printed penmanship. 

And so it's time to go [00:29:00] up. It's my time to shine, it's my time to present. I get up and the cards, unbeknownst to me, fall out of my Pee-Chee as I'm walking to the front of the room. I get to the front. And I'm searching through the peachy and I cannot find my cards and of course my whole brain goes blank because I don't even know what I'm going to say because I hadn't rehearsed it.

I was, I had talked about it just very loosely with my dad. I had read the cards after he had distilled it and I had no idea what I was going to say. My client lost.

But From that point forward, I was like, I'm going to be an attorney. Like I declared it at that point. And I did it because looking back, I did it for two reasons.

Number one, it seemed like an important job to me. It seemed like something somebody smart and successful would do. They would be an attorney. And for those of you who are about my age, you know, that when we, uh, as I went to school, it, [00:30:00] there, it felt like there were only so many jobs that, so many careers that were available to us, you know, attorney, doctor, teacher, engineer, nurse.

 It was a much different environment, especially in fifth grade. No one should be choosing their career in fifth grade, but I did, but I chose it for two reasons. Number one, because it seemed like an important career. And two, it also seemed like it was a stable career that I could support my family.

 Why was a stable career important to me? Because I grew up very middle class, no one was worrying about, you know, is, is there going to be food on the table this week? But my parents fought about money a lot, especially, you know, if it wasn't payday Friday. It just felt like there was a lot of tension in the house about how much money there was and was there [00:31:00] enough to spend.

And I, at least in fifth grade. I was aware enough of it to realize that I wanted something different for my life. That if I could have a career where I wasn't living paycheck to paycheck, that sounded great. And for my little fifth grade mind, I was like an attorney. It's important. It's stable.

I won't be living paycheck to paycheck. Perfect. 

And what's so interesting, and this is the part that I realized just recently, was like, holy shit. I decided in fifth grade I was going to be an attorney. And so I did it. Right? Fifth grade Laurie said, this is what your life is going to look like. And so, because I'm a woman of my word, even in, when I'm ten years old, I did the damn thing.

 From that point on, it was like, okay, well, how do I become an attorney? I, I, I went to [00:32:00] college. I even made sure that there wasn't any special pre law course of study. You could, you could really end up with any sort of degree and go to law school. So I picked a major that was interesting to me, that was fun.

It was design and planning studies in the College of Architecture and Urban Planning. So I could flex that kind of creative muscle that I have. And I got to build things and draw things. And it was great. I loved it. But with this idea, you know, I'm never going to do that for a job. I just, I'm going to go to law school.

And then I went to law school. And every decision I made growing up was how do I become an attorney? And then once I became an attorney, once I graduated and had my first job, it was as though I was searching for this attorney job that would bring me the [00:33:00] fulfillment and satisfaction that I was craving because I was doing exactly what I It was expected to do what, what was I, I was doing exactly what I had told myself I was going to do, which was I'm going to become an attorney.

And I never once from that point on questioned whether that was the right thing for me until I'd been doing it for 20 fucking years, right? I, I may be the slowest learner ever, or maybe it was just my blind optimism that thought, you know what, if I just stick with this. Someday it's going to all feel right.

I'm going to find the perfect job as an attorney that finally lights me up. That I don't have a case of the Sundays anymore. I love going to work. I love what I do. And I never found it. Because it wasn't what I wanted. And that's what I [00:34:00] recently figured out was. No wonder being an attorney wasn't filling me up, wasn't making me happy, wasn't sure it was paying the bills.

But from a mental standpoint, from an emotional standpoint, it was not what I wanted. And when I look back, I wonder if I would have been a little bit more self aware. Would you have actually done all that to become an attorney when it's probably not what you wanted? It might have been what 5th grade Laurie wanted.

It's not what midlife Laurie wanted. And that's the part that I think so many of us have gotten to midlife on this. Path that we envisioned at some point in our life. Well, either we envisioned it or someone envisioned it for us. Like we were kind of given the, the, this is what you're going to do. [00:35:00] But I think more and more as high performing midlife women, we have to stop and we have to ask ourselves.

Is the life that we're living, is that what our younger self wanted, or is that what we actually want in life? And it's okay that that changes. I mean, maybe it was what 20 year old you wanted, or 30 year old you wanted, or maybe even 40 year old you wanted. But what do you want now? What do you want for the second half of your life?

And that's the, that, that's the crux. That's the thing that you actually have to figure out. Because that fulfillment The satisfaction, the happiness that we are all seeking that sometimes feels like, like we're never going to get there. We just keep adding more to our to do list. We just keep pushing off our own dreams.

[00:36:00] We, we think, I will finally feel The way I expected to feel once I get the next promotion, once I earn the next achievement, once I retire, once the kids graduate. I mean, we keep pushing out our own personal satisfaction and happiness until someday. Because we don't know what we want. And when we don't know what we want, we can't, one, we can't put together a plan to make that, that wanting.

We don't know how to bring that. And make that a reality. We don't know how to bring it to life. But because we don't know what we want, we also just stay doing what it is that we have always done with this expectation that at some point, we're going to feel the way we think we should feel. At some point, we'll be able to do something different.

At some point, if the time is right and everyone else is settled and the timing is perfect, Everything else is going swimmingly in the lives of [00:37:00] everyone around me, then, then I'll be able to do what I want to do.

But it all starts with, what do you want? What do you actually want? Not, not what your parents taught you to want. Not what society tells you to want. Not what your friends say you should want, not what social media says you should want, but what is it you actually want? That's where you need to start. And then once you know that, and there are plenty of ways that we drill down into that answer, because if it were as easy to figure out by just saying, what do I want?

Then we would all know. It's not that easy. So there are ways that I work with my coaching clients to really And

then once we know that, then we can take it a step further, which is, okay, now I know what I want. [00:38:00] When I think about living a successful life, when I think about what does success mean to me, that's a second step. As we figure out, well, The definition of success that we are taught from a very young age is what is your job title and how much money do you make?

That hasn't been working for us because so many of us are successful and yet we still want for more, we don't know why. Well, it's because we are living not only a life that maybe we want, maybe we don't, but we've been conditioned to want it. We're living by someone else's definition of success.

So we need to just do some reprogramming. We don't have to throw the baby out with the bathwater. We don't have to start all over. We don't have to burn down our existing, life. We don't have to press the restart button and start over. I mean, some of you might, but for the most part, it's just some really small tweaks.

What do you want? How do you define success? And then [00:39:00] once you know the answer, your personal answer to those two things, then we get really clear on, Man, if I could wave a magic wand right now and give you your dream life. Your best life? What does that even look like? Because if you're like me, for most of us, we stopped dreaming a very long time ago.

And I'm not talking about like princess and unicorn type of dreams. I'm talking about, well, 5th grade Laurie wanted to be an attorney. That was her dream. She made that her reality, and then she finally realized, this is weird that I'm talking about myself in the third person, but then I finally realized, you know what?

That's not my dream anymore, and for a lot of us, It's time to actually dream some adult dreams.

A dream is just an aspiration. It's a vision of something you want. It's a [00:40:00] way of being. It's open ended. So many of us have really gotten Confused isn't the right word, but we mix up Goals and dreams, where goals are these actionable steps, they're detailed plans, there's timelines involved, and we seem to think that if we are accomplishing a lot of goals, then we're accomplishing a lot of dreams, and we're making those dreams a reality, but dreams are bigger than that, they're more Undefined.

 They require you to step back and actually imagine some things. Instead of constantly being in the doing, dreams actually make you step back and think about how do I want to be? How do I want to show up? How do I want to live my life? And then once we know that, once we know what your best life looks like, once we know what that best life dream is, then we can create some goals that support that, some milestones to actually make that your reality.

But it [00:41:00] all starts with, what do you want? And for so many high performing women, we have been focused on

creating the reality that we dreamed when we were young. And because we've been so focused on that, because we've been so focused on doing the things that we said we would do, we thought we wanted, we're just on the, we're on the plan. It's, it's on the plan. It's on the checklist. It's on autopilot for a lot of us.

Because we've been doing that, we have forgotten to, neglected to, we have not stopped to take a step back and think, Is this still what I want? Because just like dreams, those wants can change over time. And that doesn't mean that you're not successful, or you've done something wrong, or you're a bad person.

But we, we have to be able to change our mind. [00:42:00] Because we've got more experience, we've got more life behind us, we've done more things and when we were young and we set those initial dreams for our life. And so it's time to check in and say, is this still working for me? Is this still what I want?

And if the answer is no, then let's do something about it before it's too late. And again, I'm not saying let's start all over. You don't have to end your marriage and move to a new town and give up your career. It's very possible that some pieces of your life just aren't working for you anymore.

And that's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. You 100 percent will not have to start from zero. But at least you'll be living a life that is authentic to you. One that is what you want. One that is the definition that you give. Of success . One. That is when you close your eyes and you think about your best life, that [00:43:00] is the life I want you to be living.

If that sounds like something that you would be interested in,

there are a couple of coaching opportunities that are coming up in March that you should be aware of. I am opening up just a small handful of one on one coaching spots. I don't do this very often, so there are some spots to work one on one with me. 

There will also be a new intake of The Gap Year, which is the School of Midlife Signature Group coaching program. it's been completely retooled, um, I'm very excited about how that is being rolled out. Instead of a year long program, you get all of the information, all of the modules, all of the coaching the minute you sign up, and it's a self paced program with a six week accelerator.

 I'll tell you more about that as we, as we get closer, but, um, If that's something that's interesting to you, [00:44:00] then, then I'll drop a clickable link in the show notes and you can get yourself signed up on the priority list so that you are aware of when the intake is happening.

But I'm gonna leave you with this.

We have one shot at this life. And most of us are living pretty damn good lives. It just feels like something's missing. And it's time to find out what that is. It's time to start living a life that is meaningful to adult you, that makes sense with the dreams that adult you is dreaming. It's, it's so great that little us, you know, that are, that little girl who had all of these dreams and aspirations, many of which we have already fulfilled, we have already achieved, now it's time to do something different.

It's time to figure out how we want to spend the second half of our life. It's time to dream some adult dreams so that we can make the second half of our life. Our very best life, yet. [00:45:00] Make midlife your best life, right? 

 I'm curious, what is this bringing up for you? When you think about your life right now and you think about the dreams that you were dreaming as little you, is your life that you're living right now, is it closer to the dreams you were dreaming when you were little? Or has it changed? Do you find that you have actually Become an adult dreamer.

I, I know that a lot of people feel like dreams are really wishy washy, but You can't create the life you want to live if you don't have the picture of what that looks like and what that takes is some time to actually, again, think about what you want, how you define success, what your best life looks like, and that is going to require you to take a step back, take a pause, and really, if you don't like dream, but think big picture, think pie in the sky, think if you could wave a magic wand and live the life that, of your dreams, Your best life.

What would that [00:46:00] look like? Is that closer to what adult you thinks for her life? Or are you still living like I was living for so long? Are you still living according to those dreams that little you dreamed? I'd love to know. Let me know. Take a screenshot of wherever you're listening to the podcast today.

Screenshot that. Tag me. Let me know. I would love to hear from you.

Thank you so much for being here today. Like I said, I am always thrilled to have you here, to spend some time with me each week.

And will you let me know, do you like the video format? Do you prefer the audio? Will you ever watch the video? Are you just going to stick to audio? Shoot me a DM or send me an email because I would just love to hear what you think. Have a great week. I will see you back here next week when the school of midlife is back in session until then take good care.

 Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each [00:47:00] week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews. 

So if you take a minute and say some nice things about the podcast, well, that's just good karma. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you right back here. Next week when the School of Midlife is back in session until then take good care.