114. Closer Than You Think: Why You Might Already Be 75% to Your Best Life

🔥 Episode Summary:

This one’s for every woman who’s ever wondered if she has to blow up her life to start living it.

In this comeback episode of the School of Midlife Podcast, Laurie dives into two powerful insights that came up during a recent women’s retreat:

1. You’re probably a hell of a lot closer to your best life than you think.
2. You don’t have to feel guilty for wanting more—even when others have less.

Laurie dismantles the myth that midlife transformation requires a complete overhaul and explores why so many women feel stuck between ambition and guilt. Spoiler: You don’t need to burn it all down. You need alignment, authenticity, and a little boldness.

🧭 What You’ll Learn:

• Why most midlife women don’t need reinvention—they need redirection
• How to spot the 25% of your life that needs tweaking (not torching)
• The truth about guilt, worthiness, and how we’ve been conditioned to shrink
• Why your joy doesn’t take away from others—it gives others permission to rise
• A practical way to close the gap between where you are and your best life

💥 Quotable Moments:

“You’re probably 75% of the way there. You don’t need a reinvention—you need a fine-tune.”
 “Guilt isn’t a sign you’re selfish. It’s a sign you’ve been conditioned to stay small.”
 “Taking up space doesn’t rob anyone else of theirs. It shows them what’s possible.”
 “Midlife isn’t a crisis. It’s a crossroads—and the time is now.”

🛠 Resources & Mentions:

• 🔖 Brené Brown on midlife and dropping the armor
• 🗣 Marianne Williamson: “Your playing small does not serve the world…”
• 📊 2022 AARP Survey: 73% of women 45+ feel more confident than ever, but over half still don’t prioritize themselves
• 💻 Want support closing that gap? Join us at School of Midlife

📣 Call to Action:

If this episode hit home, share it with another midlife woman who needs to hear she’s allowed to want more. And if you’re ready to figure out your missing 25%, we’re here to help. Check out coaching, retreats, and resources at schoolofmidlife.com.

⭐️ Love the Show?

Be sure to follow, rate, and review. Every five-star rating and kind word helps more midlife women find this community—and themselves. Thanks for listening!

📩 JOIN MY MAILING LIST
https://www.schoolofmidlife.com/newsletter

👉 CONNECT WITH LAURIE:
📩 Email Laurie

💻 Website

On Instagram

On LinkedIn

Work with Laurie

Transcript

[00:00:00] today what I wanna do is unpack those two things and give you some ideas about how you can move forward in midlife towards creating and living your best life and, and frankly, not feeling guilty about it.

Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson.

This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions. Like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work. Each week we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make midlife your best life. 

Well, well, well, welcome back to an brand new episode of The School of Midlife [00:01:00] podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. I am thrilled to be back here. Oh my God. Um, I'm not gonna make this a Proof of Life episode, but I have been in the crud, bronchitis, laryngitis, uh, just the, the seasonal flu. You name it.

I've had it, um, it's been three weeks now, I think, since I started feeling like I was coming down with something. And the timing of it is just awful, right? I mean, it's never a good time to be sick. But I had a bunch of work travel, and then I was leading all of the coaching content for 

the first cohort of a women's fellowship retreat, which we're gonna talk about a little bit more in this episode, and I am training for a hiking endurance event the week after the 4th of July. I. Which I will hike slash trail [00:02:00] run, but mostly hike three mountain marathons in three days. So Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

A lot of mileage and we are like smack dab in the middle of the training program right now. So the mileage is, is really ramping up. And meanwhile, like I can't even breathe, right? I can't, I'm not getting out of bed 'cause I've got this low grade fever and this awful cough. And anyway, suffice it to say.

That is exactly why you have been getting replays for the last three weeks, because one, for a while I had laryngitis. I couldn't even talk two when I could talk. I, it was just this awful coughing fit that kept going on, and, uh, three, my voice was awful. I mean, just terrible. No one wants to listen to that shit, so hence the replays.

I'm so happy that I, I've received a number of emails from people that you really enjoyed the [00:03:00] replays some of you have been around for since the beginning of the School of Midlife podcast, which is great. I'm thrilled to have you here. Some of you had already heard those episodes because you have been around for the last two years.

But you heard something different this time around and that's, that's the beauty of hearing something again for the second time, or reading a book again for the second time, because you are a different person. You pick up on different things. There are different pieces of the message that resonate with you because you are in a different head space.

You are in a different life space. So, yes, they were replays. Yes, some of you had heard them before, but guaranteed if you listen to them again, you picked up on something that you didn't the last time, and it gave me some breathing room so that I could still put out some podcasts for you to listen to without having to [00:04:00] record them in my awfully froggy, uh, terrible, terrible voice.

Um. That's enough proof of life. Let's get into today's episode. So this is the first brand new episode in, I don't know, three weeks maybe. It's, it's been a while for sure. And I want to talk about a couple of things that came up at the women's retreat that I mentioned at the top of the intro here. Um, 

let me set the stage for you. It was the first cohort of high achieving midlife career women, and this was not a leadership retreat. This is a new cohort fellowship that this foundation is putting together to really look at midlife issues. It was the most fantastic three days, and this is the first of three different [00:05:00] retreats that I am lucky enough to be partnering with them to deliver all of the coaching content.

So three days. I gotta tell you, the conversations we had were just fire. I'm talking about those, you know, truth bombs meet, spiritual mindset, slap kind of conversations, the kind that really stick with you. And today's episode is inspired by a couple of really powerful moments that came out of those three days and, and two comments in particular that I haven't really been able to shake.

I've really been thinking about 'em over and over again, and it just seemed like a perfect segue back from the sick to where we are today. 

There were a series of select exercises that I take almost all of my coaching clients through, and one of [00:06:00] them is this idea of what does your best life look like? Because at the School of Midlife, we talk about three things. Really, the pillars of everything that we do here are number one, what is it you want?

What is it you actually want? Not what you've been conditioned to want, not what your parents taught you to want, not what society tells you to want, not what the influencer down the street says to want, or the one that you see on social media, but what is it that you actually want? And then we figure out what does success mean to you?

Because we have been raised to mean that it means a paycheck and your job title. There's so much more that that success can mean to you, like personal development, spiritual development, health and wellbeing, relationships, uh, certainly your career. Um, financial wellbeing. Adventure, travel, all of these things that really could potentially make up your definition of success.

So we drill down [00:07:00] into what is your definition of success? And then the third one is, if you could live your best life, what does that even look like? Because a lot of us think, you know what? I'm gonna wait until retirement. I'm gonna wait until the time is right. I'm gonna wait until the kids leave, and then I'll figure out what it is I wanna do with the second half of my life.

And if you've been around here very long, then you know that I think that that is way too long to wait. There are a number of reasons why we don't wanna keep waiting. I mean, first and foremost, none of us know how much time we have left, so why do we wanna squander it? Like waiting and putting things off and waiting, just pushing out experiences that frankly, if we wait too long, we may never actually get a chance to experience them.

So as part of this coaching at the cohort, we spent some time talking about our best life. We talk about visualizing our best life. We talked about what would actually need to [00:08:00] happen for us to be living our best life. What would we want to experience or go and do and be and see and learn and meet. I just if, if we were able to take.

All of the experiences that we wanna have, all of the feelings that we wanna feel, everything mesh it together in this, you know, this beautiful bow of, not only is it exactly what I want, it it, but it fits beautifully in what do I think a successful life would look like. It's my best life. Right? 

So we spend a ton of time figuring out what our best life looks like. That leads to. The two statements said at different times in completely different contexts that we're gonna dive into today. One. One woman said that she realized after going through these exercises that she's already 75% of the way to living her best [00:09:00] life.

Which I think is pretty fucking great. The second woman came up to me and asked, as we were wrapping up the retreat, how can I go after living my best life when so many women have it worse off than I do. There's so much suffering. How can I put myself first and actually go after that best life when there's so much suffering and so many other people have it worse than I do?

And that, wouldn't that one hit me, right? I mean, that one's like, oh God. But, so today what I wanna do is unpack those two things and give you some ideas about how you can move forward in midlife towards creating and living your best life and, and frankly, not feeling guilty about it. Okay? So let's unpack those two things.

Number one. You are probably closer than you think to living your best life. And number two, you are allowed to want for more. Even if you already [00:10:00] have a lot. Wanting more doesn't make you ungrateful, it makes you human. But we're gonna dive into that more as we go on. 

So let's start with this idea that living your best life doesn't just.

Happen, right? Not midlife. That shit requires some intention, some clarity, and the courage to call bullshit on the parts of your life that just don't fit anymore. It's not about hustle or productivity. Because we've all got enough of that, right? I, I think we can agree that , we've been hustling for approval and validation and kudos and feeling like we are worthy and enough, we've been doing that our whole life.

So it's not about doing that anymore. It's about alignment, it's about authenticity. It's about doing things that feel real and right to us now. 

You've heard me say before, midlife is not a [00:11:00] crisis. It is a crossroads. It's an opportunity. It is a moment in time. It's an inflection point. It's a a time in your life when you can start choosing what you wanna do with the second half of your life in a way that is very intentional and in a way that is aligned and authentic to the you who you are becoming.

Right? Brene Brown says maybe one of my favorite things about midlife. She says, midlife is when the universe gently places her hands upon your shoulders, pulls you close and whispers in your ear. I'm not fucking around. All of this

pretending and performing these coping mechanisms that you've developed to protect yourself from feeling inadequate and getting hurt, that has to go. Your armor is preventing you from growing into your gifts. I understood that you needed those protections when you were small. I [00:12:00] understand that you believed your armor could help you secure all of the things you needed to feel worthy and lovable. But you're still searching and you're more lost than ever.

Time is growing short. There are unexplored adventures ahead of you. You can't live the rest of your life worried about what other people think. You were born worthy of love and belonging. I. Courage and daring are coursing through your veins. You're made to live and love with your whole heart. It's time to show up and be seen.

Can I get an amen? I mean, that pretty much sums it up, right? This whole idea that midlife is when like, you finally look around at your life and you're like, I'm not fucking around anymore. I'm gonna use the gifts that I was given. It's time. Like, let's fucking go, let's do this. And I, I know I'm dropping a lot of F-bombs today, but I, that is [00:13:00] how passionately I feel about this and how honestly we, we just can't keep waiting.

Like with it, the time is now. Let's, let's fucking go. 

So let's talk about the 75% woman and God, I, I absolutely loved this moment because this is a woman who after doing some exercises and some visualization, realized it, you know what, she is 75% on the way towards living her best life. And I loved it so much because so many women think that in order to live their dream life,

they have to do something dramatic, something wild. They have to completely start over. They have to quit everything. They have to burn it all down. But what if that's all a lie? What if you don't have to do that at all? Because I'm telling you, my friends, you are probably already closer than you think. I mean.

Some of you, [00:14:00] yes, you need to start over. Like there, there are relationships in your life that are no longer serving you. There is a career that has been draining the life out of you for a very long time. Like you've been stuck in the mire for a while. But for most women, most of the women I work with.

They don't need a complete and total reinvention. They just need some permission to fine tune it, to tweak it, to shift their attention or their energy towards what actually matters to them. One woman I coached last year didn't need to leave her job. She needed to set a damn boundary and start taking Fridays off.

Another realized that she didn't hate her life, but she hated how numb she felt in it, which. We got really intentional on what is causing that numbness. What makes you, what in your life makes you [00:15:00] feel that way? And she started painting again, not for Instagram, not to sell her paintings, but just to feel something.

And once she had an outlet to express herself, I'm not saying that everything in her life completely changed, but the way she was looking at it changed. And then because of that shift in perspective, then she was able to make some changes that better aligned with who she was now and who she was becoming.

So sometimes when I talk about making midlife your best life, living your best life, I'm not saying that you need to do more. You don't have to add more to the to-do list. You don't have to spend more of your time during the day fussing about other people doing more things.

It's more about doing more of what matters [00:16:00] and what you need to do there is to understand. What matters to you, and that's why we talk about what do you want and what does success mean to you, and what does your best life look like? Because we're trying to get at the heart of what matters now, what matters to you?

Here's an interesting stat, um, to think about a 2022 AARP survey. I mean. Am I the only one who has received my AARP card in the mail? I think I received it right. I don't know if they actually waited until my 50th birthday or they send it to me before, but nothing makes you feel like you are squarely a midlife when you go to the mailbox and you pull out the welcome to AARP.

Right. Anyway, so they did a 2022 survey and they found that 73% of women over 45 feel more confident than [00:17:00] ever. Amazing, right? 73%, but over half of them, 50%, more than 50% of that 73% said that they still are not prioritizing themselves. So when we talk about making midlife your best life and living in alignment and living a life that's authentic to you, we've gotta tweak those numbers a little bit.

We've got to not only marry the 73% of us that feel more confident than than ever, we gotta get that 50% up that we gotta start prioritizing ourselves. We gotta start putting ourselves first in our own life. That's the gap I'm talking about. That's what we need to change in midlife. So yeah, you might be 75% there to living your be best life.

How are we going to infuse that 25% as more authentic, more in alignment, [00:18:00] more in a way that feels more like who you are now and the woman you're becoming. That's what we're talking about. It doesn't have to be a complete burn it down. It doesn't have to be a complete start over. You don't have to take that red easy button or that red reset button and press it and just poof, magically feel like everything has to change because it doesn't.

Most of the time it's just small tweaks. That's what we work on here at the School of Midlife is trying to figure out what are the tweaks and how can you make them starting right now to start living the the life that maybe you've only dreamed about. Maybe you only thought was possible for you in the future.

Maybe you only thought it was possible for you if you made big sweeping changes, but I'm telling you, you don't have to. It's just aligned. Clear action. That's it. 

Let's shift and talk about the guilt. The second [00:19:00] woman at the retreat, she asked, how can I go after my best life when others have it so much worse than I do?

Like I've already got so much. I have already lived. I've already had way more experiences in some other people. Let me be clear here. This is not just this woman saying that. This is not just her voice. This is the voice of so many high achieving, big-hearted, good girl conditioned women in midlife, right?

Women who've been taught that wanting more makes them selfish, that if they're not suffering, that they're somehow not doing life right. Let's, let's call bullshit on that real quick, right? Let's, let's put a pin in that. Let's just stop that right away because guilt is not a sign that you're doing it wrong.

Hear me? It's a sign that you've [00:20:00] been conditioned to stay small and that's staying small. That doesn't help anyone. Another quote, 'cause I am, I'm feeling all the quotes today. Um. Marianne Williamson, have you, you maybe have heard this quote before, but she says, our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us most. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually. Who are you not to be? Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

I think what she means by that is when you dim your light, you don't make the world brighter. [00:21:00] You make it actually a little duller. Because on the contrary, you living your best life creates this incredible ripple effect. Your kids notice, your partner notices, your team, your friends, your circle, everyone around you.

They notice and they feel it, and they start to wonder, what would it look like if I did that too? 

Think about legacy. Think about what legacy means to you, and for a lot of people, legacy means, what am I like? How much money am I going to leave behind to what charities after I die? I would like to challenge you to start living your legacy right now.

What impact can you make in your life starting right now? That also includes what you are doing that your kids notice and your [00:22:00] partner notices and your team notice and your friends and everyone around you, right? It's that it's creating the ripple effect while you're here. You don't have to wait until someday to create this great legacy.

Just like you don't have to wait until someday to start living your best life. In fact, you starting to do that right now that creates an incredible domino effect. That creates a beautiful ripple effect. So that you stepping into your gifts, you putting yourself first, you living your best life, starting right now, that is creating an incredible legacy for your entire community.

Well, your, your entire family, your community, the world around you. And when life is kind of like it is right now, where politics are super divided and, and the world just feels like it's [00:23:00] angry and a little frightening, you taking the steps to ensure that what you are doing is in alignment with you and feels authentic to you, that that might be the boldest statement that you can make.

And sure you can argue about politics on social media. No problem. But you actually putting your money where your mouth is and starting to live a life that

is full of clarity, 

 That is using your talents and your brilliance, and leaves you fulfilled and satisfied. That's a pretty incredible legacy. And I'll just also say that your joy, your zest for life, you stepping into that best life, that doesn't take anything away from anyone else. It's not a pie. Just because you get your piece of the pie doesn't mean that someone else is gonna go hungry.[00:24:00] 

We just, we, we bake a bigger pie. We cut it into more slices. There's enough pie to go around for everyone. So your joy, your fulfillment, your life satisfaction, your happiness doesn't take away from anyone else. It just literally expands what's possible because of that ripple effect. 

I think we can also flip the question, which is what

what becomes the cost of you not going after your best life? 

 I mean, what does it teach your daughters or your sons or your nieces or your mentees if you settle for fine when you're craving phenomenal.

What does that tell the people around you? Does that tell them, does that, are you modeling then that settling is just what women do? Settling is just what high achieving big hearted women do. What does it do to your spirit if you're constantly minimizing your [00:25:00] desires and your dreams and, and your gifts?

I gotta tell you. You get one shot, you get one shot. At this life, none of us get a do over. Sure. There are some lessons that we get to learn again and again because we don't learn 'em the first time, but we get one shot at life. You don't owe your own suffering to anyone. Does that make sense? I mean, you playing small, you suffering for the sake of someone else that that's not how it goes.

But you do owe yourself a life that is full of happiness and satisfaction and fulfillment, however you define those terms. Because when we keep trying to live in a way that we've been conditioned to live or. Chase the things that we think we should want because society tells us we should want, or we were raised to want those.

That doesn't actually [00:26:00] get us closer to happiness and fulfillment and satisfaction. In fact, it does completely the opposite. Instead of happiness, fulfillment, and satisfaction, we learn to settle. We learn that our needs are not as important as the needs of others. And if we take that one step further, what we're modeling to our daughters is that that is what a woman is supposed to do, sacrifice her own needs for the needs of everyone around her.

And what we're modeling for our sons

is that a woman's worth is what she does only in the lives of others. That's what she's good for. And I think we can all agree that as high achieving midlife women, that is not the message that's not what we wanna be modeling for the [00:27:00] generation coming behind us. We want to inspire them.

We want to create action in them. We want to, to raise good people and by modeling, think about how, like what a beautiful legacy for us to model for our daughters and our sons, that as a high achieving woman, yes, I am fantastic at my job. Yes I am. I am the backbone of the family, but. That is not the only thing that defines me.

I am also incredibly happy because I figured out what it is I wanted in life. I figured out what success meant to me. I figured out my best life is, and I went and fucking got it.

 So you might be wondering. Okay, great. Um. I'm 75% there on my best life. I don't feel guilty for wanting more. [00:28:00] But what do I do now? I mean, how do I close that gap? And I'll say, start with where you are. A a lot of us feel like, you know what? We need a complete sabbatical. We need to get away from our life for six months to a year.

Um, we don't. You just need to ask yourself. A couple of questions like, where am I already close to living the life of my dreams? What am I knocking it out of the park? Where am I showing up for myself in a way that I absolutely love? Because it's so authentic to me. It's so in alignment with who I am.

Where am I already close?

Once you know that, then the next question will be, well, what areas of my life need a little bit more of my attention? Because there's a bit more of a gap between where I am and where I want to be. [00:29:00] And then finally, what would my life look like if I were 10% more aligned this month? So some of us are starting at 75%, some of us are starting at 50%, some of us are probably even at 30% because we, we've been so focused on climbing the ladder and raising the kids that we really haven't even taken a step back to figure out, well, we sure as hell don't know what our best life looks like, but we, we, we don't even really know.

We haven't taken an inventory of what's actually going on in our life to understand what, what's even the gap between where I am right now and what my best life is. So starting wherever you are, if you could be 10% closer to living your best life, what would that look like? And then pick one thing, do one thing.

It can be bold, it can be small, it can be [00:30:00] imperceptible to other people. Pick one thing to either start doing to get you closer to that 10% or stop doing to get you closer to that 10%. And you, you don't have to wait until the time is perfect. You don't have to wait until the kids are outta house. You don't have to wait until the time is right.

You don't have to wait until retirement. You can start doing that right now, and it will just like all of the money that you're saving for retirement, the steps that you take in your life right now to set you up for living your best life in the second half of your life. The, the stuff you start doing right now, it's gonna compound and it, it just gets you there faster and, and you enjoy the ride a lot more.

Because you're moving in a direction that you actually have created. You've said, that's where I wanna go, and then you start getting really intentional about getting there.

So to wrap it up, I will say for the most [00:31:00] part, if you are listening to this podcast, you're probably closer to your best life than you think because you're someone who values personal development. You're someone who is starting to ask herself some big questions, so you're probably closer to your best life than you think.

And hear me when I say You don't have to start over from scratch. You can start where you are and build from there. You've got years of experience. You have decades of experience, you life, experience, work experience. Start with where you are and build on that. Make some tweaks if you need to move in this direction instead of that if you need to.

But really start being intentional and start from where you are right now. You don't have to start over from scratch You don't have to apologize for wanting more. And you sure as hell don't have to feel guilty for doing better than other people. [00:32:00] Like this is not a competition. There is no race to the bottom.

Like, yes, I can be totally successful, but ugh, I can't be successful. I, I feel guilty because other people have it worse than I do. Let's stop that. It, your success is actually going to lift up people because it's, they're going to be so inspired by it. We talked about legacy and, and what you doing for yourself, the kind of legacy that creates that is incredible.

So let's stop feeling guilty about living a good life. Can we make that pact? I mean.

I think that that's that, that's where I wanna leave you is that we're gonna make a pact here that as high achieving midlife women, we're gonna figure out ways right now to make midlife our best life. We're gonna stop waiting. We're going to step into what is rightful flare. We're gonna claim it.

[00:33:00] Right. Whatever is in alignment, whatever is authentic to us, we're gonna put a pin in that. We're gonna stick a flag in that. We're gonna say, I'm coming for that. That is mine. Watch me, come with me. I, I'm gonna show you how to do it. Come with me. 

And, and if you are someone who's listening to this and if it spoke to you in any way, I would love it if you would share it with another midlife woman who isn't there yet who needs to hear that? She doesn't have to feel guilty for wanting more, that there's no shame in going after what her dreams look like. She doesn't have to start over from zero. She just has to be ready to make intentional moves, to have clarity on where she's going.

And, and if you're someone who you need some help figuring out, how do I get that extra 25%, that's literally what we do at the School of Midlife.

You can either come in and do some one-on-one coaching, you can do some [00:34:00] group coaching. We've got an incredible best life retreat coming up, which you'll hear more about in the next couple of months, but. The, that's, that's exactly what we do here. We are giving high achieving midlife women the tools and the information and the community support to create their best life in midlife.

So if you're trying to move from where you are now to the 25% more, come and hang out with us. You can always sit with us. That's exactly what we're doing here. 

I am so grateful you were here today for my comeback episode. Thank you for being here and supporting me while I was out sick. I really appreciate that, and I'll just leave you with.

 Take up some space. Trust your gut, and go start living your best life and do it guilt free because you owe it to yourself. Thank you so much for being here today, [00:35:00] and I'll see you right back here next week when the School of Midlife is back in session.

Until then, take good care.

 Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews. 

So if you take a minute and say some nice things about the podcast, well, that's just good karma. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you right back here. Next week when the School of Midlife is back in session until then [00:36:00] take good care.