111. The Truth About Balance: Why You're Burned Out (And It's Not Your Fault) | Replay

Talking about work-life balance myth, midlife burnout, high-performing women, asking for help, midlife coaching.

✨ In This Episode:

Host Laurie Reynoldson gets candid about the myth of work-life balance and why it’s time for midlife women to stop striving for something that doesn’t exist. In this replay of an early fan-favorite episode, Laurie breaks down:

• Why traditional “balance” is an impossible standard (and why it’s not your fault)
• The cultural conditioning that leads women to believe they should be able to do it all
• The hidden shame of asking for help—and how to overcome it
• A liberating metaphor (the seesaw!) that reframes how we think about balance
• Why chasing productivity won’t fix your burnout—and what to do instead

Whether you’re juggling a career, caregiving, parenting, or all of the above, this episode is your permission slip to drop the guilt and reclaim your energy.

🛑 Key Takeaways:

• Work-life balance isn’t real—it’s a seesaw, not a scale
• Most high-achieving women are trapped in a cycle of proving and burnout
• Asking for help is not weakness; it’s a radical act of self-leadership
• Sometimes, what you need most is to pause, reflect, and rest

📩 Resources + Links:

• Subscribe to The School of Midlife newsletter here

🗣 Listener Love:

“This was the first time I heard someone say balance is a myth—and it set me FREE.”
 “Laurie gets it. She knows what it means to carry it all and still feel like it's not enough.”

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Transcript

Well, hey friends. Welcome back to another episode of The School of Midlife podcast. I am your host, Laurie Reynoldson. I am thrilled to have you here today. Don't I sound perky? Well, let me let you in a little secret. This is like the most energy I have had all day. This week has completely wiped me out. I wrapped up the.

Uh, launch for the gap year last week, and that was kind of a heavy lift. Wednesday I traveled to Phoenix for a conference with my business coach, which was fantastic. I love getting together with my fellow CEO besties that you don't working digitally, working virtually. It can be kind of lonely and it's nice to get together with like-minded people who are doing similar things and just spend some time with them and

try on some different ideas and, and get some incredible coaching from our business coach. [00:01:00] So I did that for, no, Wednesday through Friday, slept. Horribly. I don't, I don't know if you do this, but when you're traveling, the quality of sleep definitely takes a hit. It takes a while to get to sleep because you hear all the different noises that you're not used to, and the walls are just generally paper thin.

And, and, and then of course, you wake up a number of times during the night. It's just fitful, not great sleep. So I probably got maybe five hours of sleep each night that I was there. Conference wrapped at about eight o'clock on Friday night. I was on a plane coming back to Boise, landed about 1:00 AM on Saturday morning.

Had an eight mile hike to do that day. Took Mike's mom out to dinner for her 92nd birthday, um, at a restaurant near the [00:02:00] town where she used to live. So that's an hour away from us. Got home at about nine o'clock, immediately went to bed, slept for nine hours 'cause I was just tired. Super, super tired, and then got up.

Sunday and had a 20 mile hike to do. And when it came time to figure out what I was gonna do on the podcast today, I literally had no energy. I, in fact, some of you probably get my Sunday newsletter. I very rarely miss a Sunday newsletter, but I kind of mailed that into, which is. The entire newsletter this week was just, Hey, I'm tired.

I'm sorry. I'll be back next week. And that's kind of what I'm doing with the podcast today, which is sometimes you just don't have it, and sometimes you need to give yourself a little bit of a pass. And that's exactly what I'm doing today. So instead of trying to come up with something [00:03:00] wise to share with you, I.

I have an entire list of topics that I want to cover, and I will cover just not this week. I, I am just, I'm, I'm too tired, so instead of trying to limp my way through a. Uh, mediocre podcast. I am going to share with you a, one of the really early ones, so if I sound a little different, just gimme some grace because know that I, I mean, I definitely feel like I've gotten sharper in my game as, as the podcast has, has gone along.

I mean, I've, I've been doing this for two years now, almost every single week, so of course you get the reps in and you get better, but. One of the things that a friend of mine reached out and said, you know, I'd love for you to talk about why it's so hard for women to ask for help, especially when we need it.

And I looked back through the library and [00:04:00] this episode, which actually talks about work-life balance and why that's complete bullshit, but it goes into asking for help and why we need to ask for help and. Why we are quick to. Be there, give help to others when they need it. But for some reason we feel like we're a bit of a failure if we ask for it ourselves, like it's really uncomfortable for us that there's some shame involved or something, um, it shouldn't be that way at all.

So I hope you enjoy this replay. I will be back next week with brand new shiny episode after I get a little bit of sleep and I kind of get my wits about me. But, um, until then, make it a great week and I will talk with you real soon. Enjoy this replay episode.

Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson.

This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions. Like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy [00:05:00] beyond my family and my work. Each week we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make midlife your best life. 

Hey there. Welcome back to the school of midlife podcast. 

If you ever find yourself looking around at all the other women, thinking that they seem to have it all figured out that their work and their life is in perfect check. And they have finally figured out the holy grail of work-life balance. Then this episode is for you. 

We're talking about the myth that is work-life balance. And even though there seems to be the societal expectation that you can fully achieve work-life balance. 

I'm going to set you free. This [00:06:00] episode we'll underscore the fact that there's nothing wrong with you. You don't have to work harder. You don't need a better system. You don't need to be more organized or be better at time management. You just have to give yourself some grace and realize that work-life balance does not exist. That it's a total myth. 

And you can just keep doing what you're doing. You're doing just fine.

I'm going to say something today. That's a little controversial. But go with me. Here it is. Work life balance does not exist. I am prepared to die on this hill. You can come at me all you want, but I 100% stand behind this idea that. Work-life balance. Is a myth. It's bullshit. We need to stop trying to pretend [00:07:00] like, it's a thing that we need to achieve. I mean we think that everyone else has it figured out, but us, right? I mean, just look at social media. There are women working more than full time throwing Pinterest inspired birthday parties. There they are hosting ridiculous pre prom activities for their kids. They're cooking Instagram worthy dinners. 

They seem like they've got it all figured out. 

But they don't. And. 

By giving the appearance that they have it all figured out. 

They make us feel a little less than right. I mean. Those of us that are gen X-ers midlife women. We were raised with this idea, this, this belief that we could be anything we wanted to be right. We could have it all. [00:08:00] And that that's great, but somehow that message morphed into more like a challenge. 

Like. Yeah. We can have it all and we can have it all right now and do it way better than everybody else. What was that? Um, Do you remember that? Enjoli perfume commercial. Where the woman was crushing it. In her business suit. In the big office downtown, and then she comes home and she changes into her. 

At home clothes, which were not yoga pants. I mean, they were khakis and a button down. And she's cooking dinner in her khakis and a button-down. And then she slips into a sneaky, sexy number. All in a matter of hours. And meanwhile, that song, I can bring home the bacon, fry it up in a pan and never let you forget. You're a man, right? 

that was just [00:09:00] underscoring. This idea that we can work all the hours. And come home and be everything, you know, cook dinner for the family. And then. B this kitten in bed for our husbands. We can, we can do it all. And. That's just how we were raised. 

As women we're expected to master work-life balance. In fact, it's almost this through line that to be successful. 

Having your work and your life. In perfect balance and knowing where the priorities are and keeping everything straight. 

It's almost like you have to do that to be successful. 

And that's the part that feels like bullshit to me. I mean, I understand the idea that when you're at work, You should be all in at [00:10:00] work. 

When you're at home, you should be all in. At home. It's that be here now, way of thinking, right? Wherever you are commit to being there. It's be where your feet are. That that whole idea of be where your feet are be here. Now. I am. A hundred percent good with that. Here's where I think. 

We get a little tripped up by the work-life balance. It's this expectation for women. That if you just worked a little harder. Or you had a better system in place. Or you were more organized or better at time management? Or if you woke up earlier, then you would achieve the work-life balance. You're searching for. 

And that's the slippery slope. So it's not that the system. 

Is [00:11:00] wrong. But it is. It's not that the expectation is wrong. But it is. It's this idea that. For those of us who don't have it figured out. Then there's something wrong with us and that's the bullshit part of it. 

Because here's the thing. There's always going to be this interplay between life and work. 

I like to think of it as a Seesaw. Teeter totter. I don't know. What do we call those at playgrounds anymore? I, we called it a Teeter totter or a Seesaw when I was growing up. In fact, now that I think about it, I'm not even sure they have those in the playground anymore. But since you're about my age, if you're listening to this, you know what I'm talking about? 

The Seesaw or the teeter-totter works because you've got one person that weighs one amount on one side. And [00:12:00] another person who weighs about the same amount on the other side. And they go up. And down. So it's this constant motion. That keeps the Seesaw moving. Because of the way about the same. It's that push off from your feet. That makes the Seesaw work. So it's the constant motion. There is a split second where the Seesaw is in perfect balance. It's that point at which the Seesaw. Is horizontal. 

But it only happens for a quick, quick second. 

The Seesaw is a perfect. Analogy for work-life balance. Because there are some days we're work is heavier. And it's going to need more of your attention. Those are the days when you've [00:13:00] got a big project coming up. Or maybe you're prepping for a hearing or you're heading out for vacation.  

We talked about that a couple of episodes ago about how you're able to accomplish so much in a compressed amount of time. Because you only have so much time before you leave to go on vacation. 

So it makes sense then that those days work is heavier. It's going to command more of your attention. 

But there are other days where our life outside of work needs more of our focus. I mean, speaking of that vacation that you were repairing for. It's important that while you're on vacation, you enjoy the vacation. You shouldn't be checking emails or dialing in for conference calls or taking zoom calls. 

Similarly some days you need to care for an ailing parent. Or plan your husband's birthday party or your kid's graduation party. When this podcast airs, we're heading headlong into graduation [00:14:00] season at this time. So that means your kids are experiencing their last prom. Or they're last track meets or baseball games. They've got graduation parties going on. There's so much that you should be focusing on at home right now because you're not going to get these moments back. 

So it would make sense that your focus. I would be more on your life right now. 

I will say. Regardless of when this ever plays out in your life. If you're trying to balance the two, both work. And life. Your giving short shrift to one or the other. If you're not, then what's going to happen is you're going to end up running yourself ragged because you're going at a pace that's not sustainable. 

At the end of the day, you just need to sit back and figure out what is most important right now. Is it. What's going on at work. Is [00:15:00] it what's going on at home? And the key here. Is to give yourself permission to focus on what's important right now. With the understanding that the pendulum is definitely going to swing the other way in the future. It's never going to stay. That work is more important. 

Or that life is more important. It's this constant back and forth. 

Today, this is more important tomorrow. That's more important. The next day, it's going to swing back again. The key is. When this happens to notice it. 

To be okay with it too. Not feel guilt associated with where your focus is on at any given time. Because again, there are times. When work is going to demand more of your attention and other times, life is going to demand more of your attention. 

I'm going to give you three different [00:16:00] tools that you can instantly start using to feel more comfortable. With the balance between work and life. 

First. 

Get comfortable with saying no. And honoring the boundaries you set. If you haven't already listened to last week's episode on boundaries, make sure you go back and listen to that. 

 when we're talking about getting comfortable saying no, remember that? No, thank you. Is a complete sentence that you don't have to give someone an excuse for why you can't stay late at work. Y you can't come in early the next day. Or. Y you have to. Decline a work invitation so that you can do something at home. 

No. Thank you. Works perfectly. And similarly. Every time you say yes to something. Whether that is a work project or board service or doing something in the [00:17:00] community. 

That means you're necessarily saying no to something else. Because you can't be in two places at the same time. Right? So if you're saying yes to something at work, that means you're necessarily saying no to something else.

Speaking of boundaries. We talked about being on vacation earlier. When you're on vacation, you shouldn't be scheduling conference calls or zoom calls. Or checking emails, right. Especially when you're supposed to be spending time. Recreating or spending time with your family, you shouldn't let work creep into your vacation. 

On a related matter During the pandemic. It's so hard to get away from work because there was this expectation that you weren't doing anything else because you were at home. Right. So it was okay for our clients to call you. Or email you at seven 30 or eight o'clock at night. And [00:18:00] because you weren't doing anything. 

You would drop everything and respond. But I would say that your family probably deserves better than that. They need you to be present with them. When you're at home. So I would also say that if you're taking calls or responding to emails at seven 30 or eight o'clock at night, You're not sticking to an honoring the boundaries that you've set. 

The second tool that you can use. Is. What I like to call a two minute reset. 

For two minutes, whenever you are moving from one. Part of your life to the other. So in the morning, you're going from home to work. It works great then, or. At night when you're leaving the office, your sitting in your driveway at home, you're going to go from work. [00:19:00] To home. 

Take two minutes. Re set your mind. Reset, your focus. 

This is going to help you stop taking crap home to your family. 

And what I mean by that is if you've had a really tough day at the office. Spend. A couple of minutes when you first get home, just sitting in your car. Take a couple of deep breaths in and re set your mind so that when you walk into your house, Your family is getting the best of you. 

They deserve that. Right? They don't know that, that you've had a lot of drama to deal with at work. And they weren't involved in it. So they deserve better than that. And there will come a time. When. Work is not around, but your family will still be there. So [00:20:00] we need to be better about. 

Giving. 

More focused, intentional time to our families.

Same thing happens when you go into work. Figure out a way to keep your home life at home. That means if you've had a terrible morning, because everyone got off up late. Um, maybe nobody had gone to the grocery store the night before, so there really wasn't anything for, to make for breakfast. Uh, you burned your neck on the curling iron. It was just kind of this series of things. Uh, there was an accident on the interstate, so you're late. 

Take a couple of minutes Do some breathing exercises before you go in to work. 

Show up as your best self in the office.

To the extent that you are able to compartmentalize. Work and home, you're going to be better served at both. 

The third tool is [00:21:00] blocking your calendar.

This, this relates to boundaries as well. But if your calendar says that you were going to work. From 8:00 AM to 6:00 PM. Then shut your laptop at 6:00 PM. Don't take conference calls while you were watching your kids lacrosse game. Don't schedule work. On the weekends or outside of the. Work hours that you have set for yourself. 

Similarly, if you have worked on the calendar. Your family should. 

Respect that as well. Not be texting you all day long while you're in the office. Not. Asking you to leave an important meeting because someone forgot their soccer uniform at home. Not. Taking time out of your day to run and buy your mother-in-law's birthday gift [00:22:00] because your husband forgot. They should respect your boundaries. That you're at work when you're at work. 

And the only way that you're able to give them your undivided attention when you're not at work. Is. To be at work when you're at work and be at home when you're at home. Makes sense, right? 

And finally, I want to talk about letting people help you. This isn't a tool per se. But it's going to help you be able to balance your work and your life in a more manageable way. 

Here's what I mean by that. There is this. Feeling this pervasive feeling among women. That if we ask for help doing something really doing anything. Um, That. 

There should be this sense of shame or guilt that comes along with asking for help. 

But I like to think about it this [00:23:00] way. If your friend was in a tough spot. You know, they were going through something painful or stressful. Uh, cancer diagnosis. A divorce, a job, transition, a death of a parent, something heavy. 

You and, and, you know, you can't take the pain or the stress away from them, but you know how desperately you want to help them. So you show up for them, you bring them food or. Run errands for them. Pick up prescriptions, clean their house, take care of their kids, walk their dogs. sometimes it's just sitting there and listening to them. 

You. Help them. Because they're important to you. So my question to you is why should it be any different for you? 

Instead of allowing the default response to be. I'm good. I've got this. I don't need your help. Thanks. Thanks so much for thinking of me, but I'm good. How often do we do that? [00:24:00] Where. We don't want to ask for help. And we don't want to accept it when it's offered. Uh, we're. I mean, even if you feel guilty about asking for help, if you need the help and someone has offered. 

You should. Allow them to help you. 

Your being too strong to accept their help. Although, maybe it makes you feel like, you know, it gives you this idea that you've got it all under control. But when you do that, you're robbing them of the chance to show up for you, just like you've done for them. 

I know when my dad died. 

We should do an entire podcast, honestly, on the things you have to take care of one, a parent dies because it was. Mind boggling. And there is no book for that. There is no guide and just navigating that [00:25:00] it's so much. 

And a couple of days after my dad died, I was talking to. Talking with a friend on the phone and I was just lamenting all of this. This whole long list of things that I had to do, things that I would have never, ever even dreamed that I'd have to figure out. But I remember very vividly because my dad had just moved into this new house and. I was talking with my friend and saying, I've got to order one of those big roll-off dumpsters because. 

There were plenty of things that I knew we weren't going to keep. And instead of just. Filling up the small garbage cans. I knew I needed a dumpster. And I was talking with her. And said, you know, he's got this new house. I am not. On any of the utilities. I don't know how I'm going to get this dumpster delivered. And she said, [00:26:00] 

Let me call and figure it out. And I said, no, that's okay. I've got it. You know? Cause I didn't want to, I did not want to put her out even though. She offered. I did not say, please do this for me. Although even if I had done that. There should be no shame in doing that. But I didn't. Instead. I said that's okay. I'll, I'll figure it out. 

And I hung up the phone and I thought about it. Like, why are you trying to make this harder on yourself than it already is? You're already. Um, very emotionally fragile right now. You're emotionally exhausted. This is someone that wants to help you. Why are you. 

Not letting her help you. She wouldn't have offered if she didn't want to help. So I called her back and said, Can you figure out how to get this dumpster delivered to me? I don't need you to, you know, [00:27:00] have the car credit card on file. I don't need you to sign the document saying that. Um, the truck, if the truck damages, the driveway that the garbage company is not responsible. I didn't need her to do any of that. I just needed. 

To understand what the process was. And she was more than happy to do that. And she did it. Quickly. I mean, She called somebody. She talked to a couple of people. She messaged me back and I, I knew exactly who to call. I had the phone number there. It was so easy. And I just, I think back on that so often. 

Because. There's nothing wrong with allowing people to help you. To give people the opportunity to repay the [00:28:00] kindness that you have shown them in the past. And it's not, you know, that we should be keeping track of who's doing what for someone else. But these are people that care for you, right? Just like you cared for them when they were going through something painful or stressful. 

When someone offers to help you so that. Whether that's at work and they can help you on a project so that you can get out of the office on time. To go do whatever it is that you need to do with your family that night. So, whether it's at work. Or whether it's at home. Where you need some help in your personal life. 

Let people help you. 

So the three tools again. Number one, get comfortable saying no. And honoring the boundaries you have set. [00:29:00] Number two. Practicing the two minute reset. When you were moving from. One part of your life to the next. Three. Time, blocking your calendar and keeping that that's just really another way of setting him and maintaining boundaries. Right? It's it's just a more visual reminder to you of. Where you're supposed to be at any given time. 

I'd love to hear. If you have any other tools that have helped you. Keep work at work and keep life outside of work. Call it work-life balance caught whatever you want, but if you've got some special tools or things that have helped you in the past, Shoot me an email. I'd love to be able to share it with our audience here because we're all, we're all in this together. 

We're just trying to do the best with what we've been given.

Finally. [00:30:00] Don't be afraid to ask for help. Don't be afraid. Or feel guilty or ashamed. For reaching out and asking for some help. 

And remember too, that if you don't have this work life balance perfectly figured out. It's not, you. It's the system. This system is rigged. The system is flawed. There is no such thing as work-life balance. 

You will not find it. If you just work harder. Or if you have a better system, Or if you're more organized. Or you're better at time management. It doesn't exist. So free yourself from the struggle. 

Relating to work-life balance. That results from not achieving this. And realize that you can still live a perfectly successful, fulfilling life. Even when things are [00:31:00] not perfectly balanced and you aren't spending your time. Perfectly. Divided between work and life. 

Thanks so much for being here today. I'll see you next week on the school of midlife podcasts and in the meantime, make it a great one. 

Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews. 

So if you take a minute and say some nice things [00:32:00] about the podcast, well, that's just good karma. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you right back here. Next week when the School of Midlife is back in session until then take good care.