100. Take Out the Trash: Why You Need to Change How You Think to Transform Your Life

In this milestone 100th episode of The School of Midlife podcast, Laurie Reynoldson reflects on the journey so far and celebrates the incredible community that’s grown around this space. Laurie shares her excitement for how the podcast has evolved and highlights the challenges we face in making lasting changes in our lives.

As January rolls in, many of us are setting New Year’s resolutions focused on lifestyle changes—getting fit, eating better, reclaiming work-life balance—but as Laurie points out, most of these resolutions tend to fall apart as the year progresses. But what if the biggest barrier to lasting change isn’t about how hard we work or how committed we are to our goals, but rather the stories we tell ourselves?

In today’s episode, Laurie dives deep into the power of mindset and how the limiting beliefs we hold about ourselves can be the real roadblocks to the success we desire. She talks about how we can all be our biggest cheerleaders—if we can first change the narrative we’ve been telling ourselves. Whether it’s feeling too old, too slow, or not good enough, these self-limiting thoughts keep us stuck and prevent us from achieving our full potential.

Laurie encourages us to look at our limiting beliefs head-on and start rewiring our subconscious minds to believe that we are worthy of the change we seek. If we keep arguing for our limitations, we get to keep them—but if we decide to release these outdated beliefs, we open the door to a new, empowered version of ourselves.

It’s time to take out the trash, clean up your mindset, and start creating the life you truly want. Tune in to learn how to break free from self-doubt, step into your power, and make this year the one where change sticks!

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• Why mindset is the key to making lasting lifestyle changes.
• How the limiting beliefs you hold about yourself may be sabotaging your progress.
• Practical tips for identifying and reframing negative thoughts.
• Why self-deprecating humor and negative self-talk are more harmful than we realize.
• How to stop arguing for your limitations and start living the life you deserve.

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Transcript

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If you're feeling like 20, 25 is going to be your most transformational year yet you're not alone. And you're definitely going to want to listen to this episode of the School of Midlife podcast. Let's get started. Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions. Like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work. Each week we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make midlife your best life. Well, Hey friends. Welcome back to another episode of the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. And I am thrilled to have you here today. To celebrate our 100th episode. I cannot believe that there have been 100 episodes of the School of Midlife. When I launched the podcast in I believe it was March of 2023. I thought it would be a great way to just be able to have some really Frank discussions. And it, it felt. Like, obviously I can say more on the podcast and I can in a social media post. I don't know what my expectations were when I started the podcast, but this has exceeded all of them. I am. I'm just so thrilled with. How far we've come, how the podcast has matured over time. How I've. Literally. And figuratively found my voice. Where to be honest, I feel like there are some things that when the podcast first started, I was a little nervous to talk about because it felt like, oh, you shouldn't talk about those things. You know, that there are some things that, that are taboo that are, that are better left unsaid. And the beautiful thing about having a podcast versus say, a social media following is. I can say whatever the hell I want. I don't just. Put things on the podcast because I have no idea of what to talk about. Almost every episode is grounded in some conversation. Some email I received. Talking about. What it feels like to be a midlife woman navigating life right now. I love the podcast and I am thrilled to receive comments and emails and your reviews. All of it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being here. Thank you for recommending the podcast to your friends. Thank you for sticking with me. Um, yeah, so 100 episodes and so much of that is a Testament to. You the audience who show up to listen to what I have to say. So thank you so much for being here. In today's episode because it's dropping at the end of January. I want to talk about changes in your life because it, it feels like it's January. So many of us are making. Plenty of lifestyle changes, right? We start the year strong with this idea that. We're going to get back to the gym and we're going to finally get our eating and check, you know, all of those typical. New year's resolutions slash life goals slash big dreams, whatever you want to call it. However you refer to it. But for the most part in January. We really are focused on lifestyle changes. What am I eating? How am I moving my body? Am I getting enough sleep? What am I doing at work that has creeping into my personal life. And because it's the beginning of the year, we've got all this momentum and we think, you know what? This is going to be my year. I'm going to start doing all the things that I said I was going to do for the last several years. And this is it. It's going to be my year. So we start making big changes in our life. Changes that other people can see. Right. They notice that we're going to the gym more often. We're we're actually even showing up to the gym. We are maybe. Taking our lunch, we're packing our lunch so that we know that we're going to get enough protein in. Setting some time boundaries with how late we're staying at the office, because we want to reclaim some of that work creep time that we gave back at the end of the year. You know, cause we, we want to have a clearer separation between work and life. And you know, we've obviously talked about work-life balance here on the podcast before and how it's not really a thing. But there are ways that we can separate the two and feel better about them than not. So we start the year. Trying to create massive change in our life. And. I don't know about you, but it seems like a lot of the things I try and do at the beginning of the year. Are either the exact same that I tried to do at the beginning of last year, or maybe a couple of years ago, because it feels like I can be really good. At moving my body in an intentional way. Eating. Correctly or. Not that there's any right or wrong way to eat. There. There are really no good or bad foods, but nourishing my body in a way that makes sense versus maybe eating way too much sugar or consuming. One or two glasses of. Wine that are going to make me sleep like shit and feel like crap for a couple of days. But there are, there are things that I focus on at the beginning of the year, because it's a clean slate. It's a perfect time to start doing the things. And. Like I said, if I'm honest, Most of the goals or dreams or resolutions or whatever you want to call them. Many of them are the same ones that I had. A couple of years ago, because I'm really good for awhile. And then there's this little black slide and it starts with, you know, what. One glass of wine with dinner, isn't going to hurt me or. I'd really like to sleep in this morning. So not going to go to the gym today. And that one day becomes maybe two or three times this week. And before, you know, it. It's been months since you've been to the gym and then you can kind of chalk that up to, well, the weather has been really nice. It's been summer. And I haven't needed to go to the gym. I'll get back to it in the fall. And then that gets pushed to the beginning of the year. And then here we are with the same kind of. Goals or dreams or resolutions that we've had in previous years, because. We're really focused. We're really determined. We're really committed. For a while. And then that little backslide starts. And then before you know, it, that backslide. Is, it becomes our new normal, it becomes exactly where we didn't want to end up to begin with. And we're, we're kind of back in the same spot. Most of those changes. Again, our lifestyle changes. They are physical changes. They are changes that people from the outside can see us making. And certainly we could talk all about. Lifestyle changes and why they don't stick at the beginning of the year. If we don't have the proper. Guardrails in place if we're only doing them because we feel like we should, and we don't have an underlying. Want or desire to make. The change needed to stick with whatever goal it is that we're trying to achieve. But I will tell you that. The biggest. The greatest impact. If you want to make this year different then prior years, if you want to make lasting change going forward. The greatest impact. We'll be your mindset change. What I mean by that. The greatest thing you can do for long term. Change in your life. Is to change your mindset. It's to take out the trash. What I mean by that is. The person that we. Here from more than anyone else in our lives. Is us. When people talk about. The devil, you know, versus the devil, you don't know. I understand that there are plenty of ways to interpret that. For me, it always brings me back to the devil that lives between my two ears. The one that tells me that I'm too fat. Or I'm too old. Or I'm too slow. Or I'm never going to get the hang of this, or I never stick with anything. Can any of you relate to that devil? Do you have a similar one that lives in your mind as well? Because here's the honest truth and no one is talking about this. Unless you're intentional about. Changing your mindset. So that it is your biggest cheerleader instead of your biggest detractor. The devil that points out what you're doing wrong, why. You don't have the fulfillment that you have always wanted. Why can't you just be happy with everything that you have, whatever that devil is saying. Your life is not going to change in the way you want it to, until you fix your mindset. Because. All of the words that you are saying to yourself, whether or not you say them out loud. So when I say saying, I mean, even just thinking them. The words we use when we talk to ourself are so important. They are so powerful. A guy that I went to elementary, junior high and part of high school grew up to be a. Mental. Performance coach for professional athletes. And. What Trevor used to say. Rest in peace. What Trevor used to say was. Thinking. Bad thoughts about yourself. Is a recipe. For disaster. Actually saying them out loud. So that you can hear yourself saying them. Exponentially worse. So it's bad enough that you're thinking them. When you say them out loud, when you give them as an excuse, when you respond to someone's question. Even if you're just musing about it yourself. It's exponentially worse for you to say it out loud, because then not only are you thinking it. On either some subconscious level or maybe even, maybe even more. In your face prevalent than just on a subconscious. When you bring those words to life and you actually hear yourself saying them, You're doing yourself a disservice. And disservice is. Putting it very mildly. You should stop that. Because you can make all of the physical changes you want in your life. If you don't believe you were worth it. If your mindset is not right. It won't matter. It will not stick because on some subconscious level you are thinking I'm not good enough. I don't deserve this. I'm too old. I'm too fat. I never stick with anything, whatever you say to yourself. When you. Aren't sure if things are going to work out the way that you want them to. Whenever you are explaining a way a situation. Whenever you are thinking, gosh, I would really like to try this, but here are my list of excuses. Why? I can't, I'd like to start learning how to play pickleball, maybe. Oh, but my back. I can't do anything with it. I'd really love to run a marathon because to me, there's something about dedicating myself. Two. Uh, plan. And knowing exactly what I'm gonna be doing for the next 16 or 20 weeks. And then actually going and running the thing. I love the idea that, oh, but my knee I've got bad knees. I can't do that. Oh, but I'm so old. I can't do that. Oh, but I was picked last for the sports teams. So I'm just, I'm not athletic. Whatever excuses that you are giving yourself to. Maybe you think you're letting yourself off the hook? Fine. But I'm telling you. That is the one thing. That until you get it fixed. That is going to have the greatest impact on whether you actually are able to achieve those lifestyle changes. That you want, or at least that you say that you want. Because. When it w when we really get down to the nitty-gritty. The things that you say to yourself matter. And what's so interesting to me is. For the most part. The shit we say to ourselves again, whether it's out loud or we just think it, we would never say to anybody else in our life, would we. I mean, would you ever say to your friend you're too old? You're too fat. You never stick with anything you're you're way too slow. You don't deserve that. Raise at work. You're not worthy of love like that in your life. No. In fact, fuck no, no, you would not do that to your best friend. Almost. Invariably. When your friend has an issue. And maybe it does relate to some of these. Limiting beliefs that she might have about herself. You are quick to reframe them. You are quick to say you're not too old. Let's look at the six or eight things you did last year. You were a beginner of those things. You weren't too old to try something new, then. What are you talking about? You don't stick with anything. Uh, no, that's, that's ridiculous. You are so dependable. Anytime anyone has ever needed you, you have been the first call that they make. You're the first person that shows up. You're the first person. To volunteer to do something. We go to bat for our friends. We go to bat for other people in our lives who are doubting themselves. Who might think that they're not worth an accolade or an achievement or recognition? We tell them that's bullshit. The reason that they're getting the achievement or the recognition. Is because they deserve it. When I give somebody a compliment. And they try and talk me out of the compliment. The first thing I say back to them is actually. All you need to say is thank you. And as women we're terrible at that. Aren't we? Because, oh, I really like your sweater. Oh, this old thing. Oh, I've had it forever. I was running late today. I just threw it on because it was the first thing I grabbed. Right. We do that. We it's like, we're trying to. Move the spotlight away from us. We're trying to. Explain why we're really not. Worthy of the compliment that we just received. And when we do that, we're telling the person who gave us a compliment. You're wrong. You have no idea what you're talking about, but. What the hell. I mean, what. Why would we do that? Somebody is saying something nice to us. Oh, that's the other thing we do. Oh, she doesn't really mean it. She's just being nice. Does that sound familiar? Of course it does. We do that all the time. Listen to me when I say this. People don't go around giving you compliments. Just to give you compliments. Most people are so involved. So self-involved that they're not worried about you. Like when we, as women, when we are concerned about being seen as a beginner, we're starting something new and we don't want other people to see a screw up or fail. For the most part nobody's looking at you. They're so worried about themselves. So when somebody actually goes out of their way to say something nice to you. They mean it. Otherwise, they wouldn't say it like they've got enough going on in their own life that they would just keep it to themselves. So when you get a compliment, all you really need to say is thank you. And I remind my friends about that. All the time. Anytime I see them happening, anytime I say something nice to them. And they try and talk me out of it. I always turn it back on them and say, The best way to respond to a compliment is just a smile and say, thank you. You don't have to talk me out of it. You don't have to tell me that I'm wrong. All you have to do is say, thank you. And I'll tell you what. They get it. As soon as I say it, they get it. But the really interesting thing. When somebody gives me a compliment. My first response is not to just smile and say, thank you. My first inclination. Is to go through all of the reasons why. That compliment probably isn't meant for me. So I know how I'm supposed to react. And yet. I still mess this up all the time. Because on some level. I still feel like I'm trying to prove myself. On some level in certain situation, I just don't feel like I belong yet. Like it, you know, it's this, it's this. Crazy. Call it imposter syndrome, call it a lack of feeling worthy, a lack of feeling enough, you know, however you want to describe it. But. Even. As a coach for midlife women. Uh, coach who I I've got my shit together. I know what I'm doing. The transformations I can get from my clients are. Incredible. And yet I still struggle with this. Because I'm human. Right. I'm I'm a woman I've been conditioned to. To make sure that the spotlight is not on me. I'm not one of those people who, who seeks out attention. I'd rather the attention be somewhere else. But what I've learned. Is. I can't talk to myself. Any differently than I should be talking to. The people in my life who are important to me. Because I spend more time with myself listening to my thoughts. Listening to what comes out of my mouth. Than any one else in my life. Every single day, the person I spend the most time with is my self. And there are periods of doubt that I have. There are periods when I am feeling. And competent. That I don't belong. That I'm not enough. And when I find myself. In that backslide of negative thoughts. I actually, press on the knuckle of my index finger. I have actually created this anchor that when I am in that sort of spiral, when I have those thoughts, I have to do something to interrupt the pattern. There are many things that you could do You just have to find what works for you and do that. I'm very quick to notice those negative thoughts. Now I was, I wasn't always that way. This is something that I have I've really had to work on. But when I notice it. I press the knuckle on my index finger. And then I'm done. Like I'm thinking about something else. I see what's going on. And then I immediately. Change. The thinking. And I know that this is probably going to sound a little woo, woo to you because we don't, you know, a lot of times we're talking about frameworks and systems and process and. How you can make massive change in your life by doing X, Y, and Z. And yes, all of those are important. Everything that I coach at the School of Midlife. Not only is it proven with the women who have gone through the coaching, but I've done it myself. I would never ask. Anybody that I'm coaching to do anything differently than I have. Gone through experienced and proven myself. No one is talking about the idea. That in order to. Move forward in your life, in the way that you want to in order to make those lifestyle changes. You've got to move out of the 3-d. You've got to start thinking about things differently. Because here is the God's honest truth. If you could make. The lifestyle changes stick forever. By just working harder. By just adding more to your to-do list. By just achieving the next thing that you're working towards. If you could do that, if you could make your life. The happiest, most fulfilled, most satisfying life by working harder. You would already have. The exact life that you have always wanted. Let me say that again in fewer words, because that was, that was a mouthful. But if all you needed to do to create massive change in your life was to work harder. You would already be living the life that you want. That might sting a little. Because we are roll our sleeves up kind of women. We are high-performing women. We are high achieving women. When we say we're going to do something goddammit, we're going to get it done. But the fact that you have things you want to do in your life, that you have some dreams that you haven't been able to fulfill, that you have goals. That are different than the reality that you were living every day. Like there's something in the future that you want, the you don't have right now. The fact that that is true. Means that you. At least partially want something different than you have right now. That's what goals are right there. They're the vehicle to get you from where you are now to where you want to be. That's what dreams are. They, whether you want to call them a dream or a goal. An aspiration. However you want to describe it. It's just the difference between where you are now and where you want to be in the future. It's something different than you have right now. And because so many of us have. Poured our heart and soul into working hard. We're no strangers to hard work. We, we think that. If we don't have what we want right now, all we have to do is work a little bit harder. And I'm telling you if that was the case. If the only thing that you actually needed to go from point a to point B was to work a little harder. You would already have everything you ever desired. The fact that there's still that gap between where you are and where you want to go. Means something else has to change. And I'm telling you that one thing. Is your mindset. And I feel like a lot of people are poo-pooing mindset, you know? Oh, yeah. I just have to have gratitude and I have to think positive thoughts and yeah, that's, that's part of it. But. It's even more than that. It's actually believing the things that you are telling yourself. And if. You're not ready to do that quite yet. You know, if you're still trying to argue for all of the limitations that you have in your life for why you can't live the life that you want. Fine. Aye. If you're going to argue for your limitations, you get to keep them. I'm not going to stand in your way. But. If this is the year. That you are finally going to step into the person that you have always wanted to be, to live the life that you have always wanted to live. I am telling you. It's time to take out the trash. It's time to stop thinking the shitty thoughts about yourself. And I know for some of us. That's how we're funny. Right? We use self-deprecating humor to show up as funny. That being the funny one, telling the jokes at our own expense, that is a way for us to deflect attention away from us. It's a, it's a way for us to. Shine the spotlight somewhere else. I get it. I've done it for decades. But here's the truth. Your brain. Your subconscious brain does not know the difference between you saying shitty things about yourself to get a laugh. And you saying shitty things because your brain thinks you mean it. It's all processed in exactly the same way to your brain. So if you're somebody who uses self-deprecating humor to cut the tension in a room to take the spotlight off for yourself. Stop it. It's not doing anybody any good. And beyond that. Beyond not doing other people. Good. It's actually really harmful to yourself. I know that this episode has sounded a little preachy. That that was not my intention. But. For whatever reason, I found myself in a number of rooms with high performing midlife women in the last week. And there is this excitement about the new year. There is this momentum, there's this feeling almost across the board. That 20, 25 is going to be a transformational year. And I feel that myself, I really feel like for me and the School of Midlife, there's been a lot of building to 20 25, 20 25. Is going to knock my socks off. I know it. I I'm, I'm ready. I'm stepping into that change. I'm stepping into the person who I need to be to have to embrace that transformational year. I'm ready for it. I'm here for. When I've been talking to those women over the past week. Invariably. They're limiting beliefs come up in ways that they don't even recognize they're excuses for why they can't do something they're excuses for why they can't start something new, their excuses about. Why they can't reach their full potential. And I get it. They're not trying to do it. To be negative or. Difficult. They're doing it because their subconscious is trying to protect them. The subconscious brain does not want them to get led down. Doesn't want them to be embarrassed. Doesn't want them to face any fear. It wants to protect them, wants to keep them safe. But. The life, your looking for that midlife and beyond best life. That one, that when you close your eyes and you think about, and you dream about. You. Can't. Have that life. If you stay in your comfort zone. Because part of having that life and living that life. Is the person that you need to become to make that life your reality. And that person. Doesn't go around thinking I'm too fat. I'm too old. I never stick with anything. I'm too slow. I'm too much. I'm not worth this. She doesn't think those things, if she does, she notices it and she immediately does a pattern interrupt and starts proving those limiting beliefs wrong. So when I say it's time to take out the trash. What I mean is this is the year that we need to be aware of our limiting beliefs. And. Get rid of them. The reasons that we are telling ourself. Why we're not good enough. Why we don't deserve something. Why. What we want is never going to happen for us. Those reasons, those beliefs, those limitations we're done with them. We're taking them out. Because just like we start the year making resolutions or goals four changes in our lifestyle, the changes that everyone else can see around us. We have to do things differently in our life to. Have the lifestyle changes that we keep saying we want. And just like that. In order to make those changes, we have to start. With our mindset. That's the number one thing, otherwise. We'll stick with that new gym schedule for awhile. Until we think, you know what? I'm not seeing any results. Why am I spending my time on this? I'm too old. My body has changed so much. I'm not going to be able to make changes that I want. I'm never going to be able to fit in that swimsuit. Again, my hormones are all screwed up. I'm in midlife. I, I will always have that belly. If we keep telling ourselves that, then that is the reality that we're going to create. Which means we will never make those lifestyle changes that we, that we're saying are so important to us. So it's time to take out the trash it's time to stop believing everything you think about yourself. It's time to start. Rewriting those limiting beliefs. It's time to stop. Arguing for them. If you keep telling yourself that you can't do something because of these limiting beliefs that you're holding onto again, if you argue you for your limiting beliefs? You get to keep them. One of my favorite quotes. And I know I've shared with this on the podcast with you before. It's from Albert Einstein, who says the definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and over again, and expecting different results. If you really want to make those lifestyle changes, stick. The key difference this year is getting rid of the limiting beliefs, taking out the trash, cleaning up your mindset. I promise you. And just like we talked about earlier in the episode. If there was a way to do it without changing your mindset. You know, may maybe you just want to work a little harder. If that actually worked. You'd already be doing it because you are no stranger to hard work. So my question to you is. What limiting beliefs are you ready to let go of. What limiting beliefs are no longer serving you. And, and if, if you are struggling with the term limiting beliefs, Think about it this way. What words are you using to describe yourself that no longer. Describe the person you are and the person you're becoming. What things are you saying to yourself? Whether out loud or you're just thinking them, what things are you saying to yourself? That no longer reflect the person that you are, or the person that you're becoming. And once you have identified those limiting beliefs. Then how are you going to reframe those thoughts when you think that. What's your plan? What are you going to do? Because. It's one thing to identify them. But how are you going to change them? How are you going to. Convince your subconscious brain that those thoughts, those aren't you anymore. They might've been a prior version of you, but that's not who you are anymore. What are you going to do? Have a plan. Because it's going to come up. And just like, we've got a plan to make those lifestyle changes. Stick. We have to have a plan to. Stop the limiting beliefs, because that's, what's really holding us back. When we figure that out, this can be the biggest, most impactful, the most transformational year of your life. I guarantee it. We got to start by taking out the trash. If anything that we talked about resonated with you, I would love for you to drop me a line and let me know how you're going to implement some of these changes in your life. If you're listening to this. Screenshot it. Tag me on Instagram. Throw it in your stories. If you've got a friend who would love to hear this, I would love it if you would share this episode with her. Because as you know, my mission with the School of Midlife is to give mid-life women everywhere. The tools. The information and the mindset that they need to make midlife and beyond their very best life. And. I can't do it without your help. And frankly, your friends. Listen to you more than they listen to anybody else. Right. So a great recommendation from you would mean the world to me. Thank you so much for being here for our 100th episode. And I will see you right back here next week when the school of midlife is back in session. Until then take good care. Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews. So if you take a minute and say some nice things about the podcast, well, that's just good karma. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you right back here. Next week when the School of Midlife is back in session until then take good care.