98. How You Can Be in Service to Others When "I'm So Sorry" Just Doesn't Seem to Cut It

In this heartfelt episode of the School of Midlife podcast, we dive into how you can make a meaningful difference in the lives of those facing life-altering challenges, both in the wake of the devastating wildfires in Los Angeles and in other personal struggles that many people are going through right now. Whether it's loss, cancer diagnoses, or any unexpected hardship, this episode provides practical and compassionate ways to support those in need.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• How to respond to the devastation in Los Angeles: The catastrophic wildfires have left entire communities destroyed. We discuss how you can help—whether you're on the ground in California or across the country.
  • Donate essentials: Items like soap, deodorant, clothing, and other basic needs are being collected for those impacted.
  • Send direct financial support: Whether through Venmo, PayPal, or GoFundMe, many people need help covering immediate expenses as they rebuild.
  • Trusted charities: Learn about reputable organizations like the Red Cross, Los Angeles Firefighters Foundation, and World Central Kitchen, which are providing on-the-ground relief.
• The importance of offering proactive help: Rather than saying "let me know if you need anything," find out how you can offer tangible assistance like:
  • Preparing meals, offering to walk pets, or helping with administrative tasks like insurance claims.
  • Using your special skills to help people navigate their challenges—whether you’re in real estate, caregiving, or even organizing skills.
• Emotional support matters: A simple text or note, offering no-expectation support, can make a huge difference for someone going through a tough time. It's not always about the big gestures—sometimes it's the small, thoughtful acts of kindness that mean the most.
• Don't hesitate to accept help when you need it: Women, in particular, often struggle with accepting help due to feelings of guilt or shame. But remember, those around you want to help! By allowing them to do so, you're giving them the gift of supporting someone they care about.

 LINKS + MENTIONS:
 GoFundMe for Maggie, Maddie and Lucy

Red Cross

Los Angeles Fire Foundation

World Central Kitchen

Pasadena Humane Society

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Transcript

0:05

this week's episode of the School of Midlfie podcast. We're going to talk about what you can do when it feels like you are helpless when really devastating things are going on around you or going on in the world, how can you be of service? How can you help when you feel like saying I'm so sorry, just doesn't cut it. Are there other things that you can do to show up and be supportive of the people that you love? Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions. Like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work. Each week we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make midlife your best life. Well, Hey friends. Welcome back to another episode of the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. And I am thrilled to have you here today. I know at the end of last week's episode, we talked about today's episode was going to focus on goals because it's January and we all. It seemed to have goals on the mind, but given what happened in the world between last week's episode and today's episode, I figured that we might as well push the goals episode off another week. Um, Let's talk a little bit about going what's going on in Los Angeles and how you can help. Not only the people there, but. All of the other people in your life that seemed to like life is lifeing right now for a lot of people, I personally know a handful of people who have lost loved ones over the holidays, whether that was to. Sickness or suicide. And others have had. Cancer diagnoses pop-up that were completely out of left field. And then of course, Everything that's going on in the geopolitical world, everything just feels a little heavy. And that's in addition to what's going on in Los Angeles, which is unfathomable. I mean, it. It's so much, right? It, it, the level of devastation and the amount of destruction that has happened. From those wildfires in Los Angeles. It's, it's almost like you just can't comprehend it. Looking at the photos of. Entire towns where. People had houses and there were schools and shopping centers and it's completely gone. And it feels like a lot. Before we get into what I think. You need to give you some ideas on what it is you can do to help people who find themselves in situations that. Are less than ideal. I want to implore you to stop spreading disinformation about the Los Angeles fires. On social media. If you are reading it. And it seems like it might be clickbait or it seems like it might be politically charged, please. Please don't spread it. Most of the time on this podcast, I don't want to talk about. What's going on politically. I don't want to create any additional vitriol, but what's going on with the disinformation online right now is driving me. Fucking crazy. I mean, Los Angeles didn't sell its water or send it to Mexico for the comfort of illegal immigrants. It did not do that. If, if you are anything like me and you live in fire country, you where, you know, Idaho is on fire every summer. It just depends on where it is. Is it deep in the Hills? Is it near towns? We have fire every year. Because we're in fire country. We absolutely know that wildfires. Just like they're having in Los Angeles right now, the best way to fight those is with an aerial attack. You fight it by the air. Which means. Um, when. LA started experiencing these fires in the Palisades in particular. And the hydrants went dry. It wasn't because Los Angeles sold it's water. It's not because they turned off the water it's because hydrants are fed by reservoirs and there's a whole pump system that's involved in getting the water from the reservoirs to the individual hydrants. But hydrants run dry because the pump system can't keep up with the demand. I mean, Hydrants are meant for smaller urban fires. Like one building is on fire. Two homes are on fire. A single home is on fire somebody's garage caught fire because they were, Using hot oil to cook a Turkey on Thanksgiving. That kind of stuff. It's not to cover. 12,000 structures. That are all the sudden find themselves in what, what can only be described as a. Is a dry hurricane, I mean, The Santa Ana's at the time that the fire broke out. Blowing 70 to a hundred miles an hour. So that is hurricane force. The only differences. There was no rain that was coming down. It was a, essentially a dry hurricane. So when your fire hydrants, when the pump system can't keep up with the demand. Your best hope. At fighting and containing a wildfire is in the air. An aerial assault. When the winds are blowing 70 to a hundred. Miles an hour. You can't fight it by air. The aerosault is grounded. And when I say, when I talk about aerosol, I'm talking about like those huge, super scooper planes. I don't know if you've ever seen them, but they, they look, um, probably the best way to describe it is a large. Plane that drops down over either the ocean or a reservoir or a lake. And they skim across the water surface. And they. Capture water in the belly of the plane. They used to. fly over the fire, dump the water on the fire. There are helicopters that are used and those. They can either pull large. Scoops behind them and also dump the scoops or they can. Disperse fire retardant That's of course, in addition to firefighters who are on the ground, who are working with. Fire hydrants. If they're available, who are trying to dig out fire But. When the winds are blowing that hard, 70 to a hundred miles an hour. It is unsafe for the pilots to be in the air. So we don't want to add insult to injury by. Not only. Losing. Structures on the ground, but. Having the pilots put their lives in danger. To fight the fire. I'd call it the perfect storm, but. Jesus. That's a terrible way to look at it, but really everything that came together to. Create the situation that's happening in Los Angeles. Awful. And, and I don't want to fight about, you know, did the budget get cut? Was that a bad thing the thing that drives me, the craziest is, uh, Elon Musk. And other saying that the problem with the Los Angeles fire department is that there are women. Who are at the top of the management structure. We should never have DEI hires. We should never trust them with our life. That's complete bullshit. I hope none of you are subscribing to that thinking that. Oh, if we had some men at the top of what was going on here, this would have never happened. Because unless those men can control the weather and as far as I can tell, they cannot, this has nothing to do with the gender of the individuals who are making the decisions. Sorry to get a little worked up there, but I just, I feel so impassioned about this, that. There will be a time to figure out how this started right now. Spreading disinformation is not helping them. It's not bringing back. Lives that were lost. It's not bringing back properties that burned to the ground. It's not actually. Helping at all. Two. Use a very bad pun. It's just adding fuel to the fire and we do not need any more of that. So if that's you. Please stop it. If you see it, call it out. Just. Call it out. As I sit here and I watch the coverage of the fires. I think it's, it's really hitting home for me. Because we could have easily lost our home in October. We woke up. On a Friday morning and out our east facing window. You could just see an entire red ball the entire hill was on fire probably about. A mile and a half from where we live. And then it seemed like everything was getting calmed down. They could bring in the aerial assault. The planes were dropping fire retardant. There was some favorable weather coming in. It looked like everything was going to be great. Theo. And I went out for a walk. We were kind of lamenting that our favorite hill, where we hike up to it appeared that it was on fire, which was a total bummer because of course that's our home trail. By the time we walked along the river and got back, the winds had shifted. And so now the fire was probably. A half a mile as the Crow flies from us on the east side and the north side. Literally the foothills all around our house were on fire. Now there would have to be some, some significant travel. To get from where they were in the Hills. Burned down a number of houses before it got to us. But if we would have been in a situation where they couldn't fight it through an aerial assault. Or if the winds had shifted. And increased. So. If. They couldn't have brought the super scoopers in. If they couldn't have dropped the fire retardant. That would have been a huge deal breaker for us. I mean, we could have very easily lost our home. I mean, we're sitting. For most of the afternoon, we're sitting in our backyard on the courtyard and we're just watching. All of the planes flying over us in constant repetition, you know, the re. They're going out to the reservoir. Which is about six miles out of town. They're picking up water there. They're going to the airport. They refilling the return. I mean the air show that was going on above us. All day long and all night long. Was crazy. We are so lucky that we live in an area that has those kind of capabilities. And frankly, we are so lucky that the weather held. And allowed for the aerial assault. If the wins after they changed, if they had increased to that 70 or a hundred miles an hour, that dry hurricane situation like is in Los Angeles. We would've lost our home. No question in my mind, not only us, but everyone around us. So I think that's why when I am watching what's happening in Los Angeles. It's almost a little bit of survivor's guilt. Like I know I'm not in it with you, but damn I was real close. I know exactly how it feels. To be watching it. Come towards you and just knowing there's nothing you can do about it. And it's it's the most. Helpless feeling. Obviously. I don't know what it feels like to lose your entire home. The more I think about it, what people. Are dealing with in Los Angeles. It's just the most heartbreaking. Feeling. Which is what I want to talk to you about today. And that is what you can do to help, because I think a lot of us feel like. We feel very lucky that we are not dealing with the type of decisions that are needing to be made by so many. People in Los Angeles. Like we have, a roof over our head. We don't have to scramble to go find a rental to. Rent. While we are trying to rebuild, not to mention the people that own the rentals now. They see that this great business opportunity. So any rentals that. Our available. Are renting out at a significantly higher lease rate rental rate than they were before, which I understand supply and demand. I understand economics. I also understand. Like shame on you for trying to capitalize on a situation where people have lost everything. You actually have an asset that can help them. And your way of offering up that assistance is to make that is expensive as possible so that you can get the highest rate of return on it. I'm sorry, but there, there should be some feeling of humanity, some feeling of we're all in this together, instead of it's it's one for me, not for you kind of a thing. We are not all out for ourselves when it comes into this type of environment, it shouldn't be, it should never be that way, but it's, it's really disheartening to see. What some. People are doing to take advantage of the situation. So. People don't have a house. There's nowhere for them to live. They're children. Don't have places to go to school. The schools have burned down. The businesses where they, they own the business or they went to work. Those no longer exist. No question in my mind, Los Angeles is going to rebuild. I have spent some time in Los Angeles, there's a reason people live there. I know that. LA gets a bad rap. They think that it's just all celebrities. Pretty people that's not true. I mean, there's really a beautiful spirit of people who live in Los Angeles and it shouldn't surprise anybody that they're going to rebuild because there's a reason that they went to Los Angeles to begin with, because it's a great place to be. But for right now, they don't have a place to live. They don't have a place to go to school. There's no place for them to work. The magnitude of how their life has changed in the last week is stunning. None of us can even imagine it. Which leads me to what you can do to help. If you are not in the Los Angeles area, I have found there are number of ways that you can help people who are directly impacted by this. One, you can. Donate. Items. It seems like almost every day there was a new wishlist of what not wishlist. That's a horrible, there's a new list of daily. Items. Clothing. Prescriptions. Deodorant soap. Just normal every day, basic essentials. That people need. And I know in Boise, there are a number of local restaurants. There are a number of local businesses who are collecting donations and they take it, they will box it up. Most of them are driving. Pickup trucks, you haul trucks. Semi-trucks down to Los Angeles. Uh, they, they wanted to make sure that it got there as quickly as possible. So instead of shipping everything there, they're personally driving it down. And my guess is there are, there must be. Similar. Donation sites. Everywhere. At least in the Western United States. Maybe, if you're in the east coast or you're in a different country. Maybe you don't have the ability to, take some, soap and deodorant and some brand new clothes and drop it off. But for those of you who are on the west coast, Even as I'm sure as far as Denver and maybe the middle of the country. There are. Probably drop-off areas, donation sites in your local community. So that's one way you can help. Another way is to donate to charities that you know, and trust. So the Red Cross, obviously they're going to have people on the ground there. I've seen a lot of donation. Links for the Los Angeles Firefighters Foundation, which. Is essentially a burnout fund. So those monies will be distributed to individuals who have lost everything who've lost their home. World Central Kitchen. Is taking donations to provide food for families who've lost their homes. There are a number of. Charities that you've heard of. That you trust? You can donate money to those charities. I think the only thing I would say about sending money to a charity is just make sure it's legit. They're there just like landlords who are trying to cash in literally on the plate of some of these individuals, there are some bad apples out there who see an opportunity, think they're going to cash in and they set up a charity and the funds don't actually go where they're supposed to go. So if I were going to donate to a charity online, I'd make damn well sure. That I knew that the funds were going to be used for what I think they're going to be used for. If, you know, someone who has been directly impacted, you can send money directly to them. So if you have their cell phone number, They probably have a Venmo account. You can send money over Venmo. If you have an email for them, you can send money directly to a PayPal account. There are a number of go fund me sites that have been set up to help people rebuild. Obviously a lot of the insurance money is gonna come in later, but what, what do they need right now? Basic essentials. Um, it's, you know, it's interesting. I don't want to get too far field here, but so many. State farm in particular canceled so many insurance policies in the last year because of fire risk. And so. Many families. While they are insured. Their homes, which by and large are their whole retirement or their whole savings. There are homes are insured at like a quarter of the value because that's the best that they could get when the big insurers, you know, state, farm, and looking at you when you pull out of an area. Homeowners have to have insurance. They're going to buy as much insurance as they can for whatever's offered. And. Many of the homeowners. Yeah, they had insurance, but it's not going to cover the costs for them to rebuild. They're going to be in a bit of a sticky situation. And that there's going to be a lot of negotiations as it relates to insurance companies. So when we're talking about. Sending money for people to rebuild. We're really just talking about how can we bridge that gap between where they are now. And the time that it's going to take for them to have those discussions with their insurance company, get the checks issued. And actually rebuilt, which it's going to take a long time. So if you're able to send some money, if you know, directly, you can send Venmo, PayPal, GoFund me. If you got somebody's email address, you can send them an E gift card. Most companies, Amazon included. There, there are a number of companies that issue E gift cards that you can send over email and they can use them to, to buy the things that they need right now. I also want to talk about, um, if you're someone who has special skills. Even if you're not on the ground in Los Angeles, there are ways that you can help these people. One of my friends from college loss, everything in the Palisades fire, she and her two daughters. They got out safely, which is great, but they lost everything. Everything is gone. What has been so. Beautiful to watch. Is there village rallying around them. And in particular, the people who are outside of Los Angeles. Another friend from college. She is a real estate broker with an office in California and she set them up with. An agent down in California who was able to find them a rental place. So if you will have some rental skills or you've got contacts in that kind of. Area then you could help someone find housing. Another college friend of ours happens to be a personal shopper. She's a stylist, a personal shopper. She got together and sent just basic closing essentials to this family. You could do something very similar if you've got those kinds of skills. If you have administrative skills or organizational skills, You could help. Displaced individuals help them. Create their insurance claims because they're going to need copies of receipts for everything. Not only the receipts for the hotels and the gas. And the clothing and the food that they have bought while they're displaced. But they're going to have to prove what was in their home. So think about going through years of online credit card receipts, trying to prove, yeah, I bought this piece of art or we had this kind of stereo system, or we had just purchased this computer, those kind of things, that kind of administrative skill organization. Project management there's going to be a big need for that. And that's something you can do virtually. If you have experience navigating a certain situation. You have made a claim, an insurance claim. Following a disaster. You had a mass casualty event, your house burned down at some point, and you had to negotiate that if you have those kinds of skills, That is a way that you can help. Going, even beyond the. Fires. There are so many of us that have special skills that. When our friends or even people we don't know, but we just feel called to help them. There are ways that we can help people in our communities who need our help. For example, I am of the age where so many friends and community members, their families, they're dealing with big decisions related to. Elderly care. Memory care facilities, dementia care. Mike and I have just gone through that. So whenever I see somebody, you know, asking a question they're kind of at their wit's end. I will always reach out to them and give them the information. Talk them through the decisions that we had to make and give them some help in navigating the situation that they're going through. Just because you can't be on the ground. You wish you could do something more. You can still provide assistance to people. In very meaningful ways just by showing up and. Providing assistance in your area of specialty. So fires aside. Um, because yeah, we could talk about putting together meal train, it's an online. Site where you can go and sign up to provide dinners for people, meals for people. Generally, if they're going through some sort of medical issue. Yeah. I mean, we could try and set up a meal train for people in Los Angeles, but I don't know that they're going to get the food, but if you've got friends who are facing a cancer diagnosis or they've lost a loved one, or, you know, something else is going on in their life where things are heavy, You can easily. Sign up to bring them a meal, whether you cook it or not. These are all obviously tangible, things that you can provide for someone I don't want to. Undercut. How important, just a periodic, like sending somebody a note every now and then when they're going through a tough situation, just letting them know that you are thinking of them. Without any expectation of a response. In fact, say that there's, there's no need for you to respond. I just want you to know that I'm thinking of you. That kind of emotional support. Really goes a long way, even though, you know, it feels like it's not a big deal. But sending somebody a text, letting them know that. You're thinking of them, it goes beyond saying I'm so sorry, because for so many of us that feels like it's just not enough and it's, it's a good start, but. Maybe you can use your words to go a little beyond that. You know, I I'm thinking about you during this unimaginable time. I cannot. Fathom the devastation that you were feeling. I will never understand what you're feeling right now, what you're going through, but know that I am here for, you know, that I am holding space for you. No that whatever I can provide to you, I am here for. You can, you can even go so far as send a note that says I'm dropping off dinner tomorrow night. I'm going to help watch the kids while you go. Do something or take a nap. I'm going to stop by and walk the dogs. I'm going to arrange a hotel room for you to just go and be away. There are ways that you can help people. Without asking, let me know what I can do to help. Because. Uh, I want to get into this a little bit, but this whole idea of, you know, I'm standing by, let me know what I can do to help. A lot of women in particular. They don't want to ask for help We've been conditioned to take care of everyone else in our lives. Right. So the last thing that we want to do is feel like we are being a burden. We have an entire list of things that we need to do when we are in these unimaginable situations. Instead of putting the. Onus on the individual. Who's going through the situation to reach out to you. You be proactive and reach out to them. Offer to help. Bring the dinner by watch the kids walk the dogs. Whatever they need. Do that instead of. Let me know what I can do to help. And. I want to bring this full circle. We're going to end with this. I know that so many of us feel called to do something right now. Hopefully you've got a couple new ideas on how you can. Help people who find themselves in situations that. They weren't planning on, especially, you know, if they're in Los Angeles, If they have recently lost someone, if they were facing a diagnosis, that's not great. There are ways that you can help them. And I want you to remember all of this when you are in need of help to. Because just like I said, women are notoriously bad about accepting. Assistance. We've been conditioned to, you know, there's some shame involved. There's some guilt involved. Like why can't I just do this on my own? Why can't I figure this out? Your village, the people around you, they desperately want to help you. Most of them don't know how. They want to be there for you. They want to do something other than say, you know, I'm so sorry. And they are. But just know that when you deprive someone else, the opportunity to help you out. That's exactly what you're doing. Your depriving, someone. The feeling, the satisfaction, the fulfillment. Of helping you, you are an important person in their life and they want to be there for you. So don't shut them out. Don't not let them show I don't not let them do things for you. That's a lot of double negatives, but. You can be wildly successful. You can be strong. You can be completely bad-ass and still accept, help. When you need it, even, even if you feel like this is something, you know, I've got it. So many other people have it so much worse off than I do. All be fine. If people want to be there for you, you need to let them do that because if the roles were reversed and you found yourself in a situation, Where. You needed help. All of your friends want to help you? Your entire village wants to come to your aid. So just know that. You can accept the, the help you can accept the assistance. And you can do so proudly. There's no shame involved. There shouldn't be any guilt involved. Just know that we are all part of this. Beautiful community, this world that, that. At the end of the day. All we really have is each other. And I know that that sounds pithy and it sounds kind of something like you would see. Stenciled on a piece of wood in somebody's dining room, but it's true. We need to be there for each other. We need to allow other people to show up for us to and accept that that is okay. will include a couple of clickable links in the show notes for charities that I know are doing great work in Los Angeles. I'm also going to include the GoFund me link for my college friend, Maggie and her two daughters, Maddie and Lucy. And. I'm going to, I'm just going to leave with. Like be good people this week. And I know. He know you are. But I just feel like the world could use a little bit more. People being considerate and generous to others. We're going to talk about goals next week, or at least that's the plan unless, um, something else. Happens that is not expected. Um, but I sure appreciate you being here every week. I know that as high-performing midlife women, We. We we juggle a lot and any time. Things get heavy around us. A lot of us internalize that. And it's, it's just hard. And. There is some survivor's guilt. There is some guilt that we feel that, you know, we've got, we've got it so much better off than so many other people do. But we're good people too. We need to understand that some of the stress and anxiety. That comes from living right now in what's going on all over the world. We need to be a little kind to ourselves to. So for now. Thank you so much for being here. Take good care of yourself this week. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. And I will see you right back here next week when the School of Midlife is back in session. I'll talk to you soon. Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews. So if you take a minute and say some nice things about the podcast, well, that's just good karma. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you right back here. Next week when the School of Midlife is back in session until then take good care.