The Case for New Experiences: Why You Need to Go Away to Remember Who You Are When You Get Back Home

In this week's episode of the School of Midlife podcast, Laurie is discussing the utmost importance of having new experiences to creating the life you want to live.

If you feel like you're living the same day over and over again, or that each year goes faster than the last, you'll love this discussion of how to slow down time and infuse your life with meaning along the way.

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The Gap Year

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Transcript

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Sometimes you have to get away to figure out who exactly you are when you get back home. That's what we're talking about in today's episode of the School of Midlife podcast. Let's get started. Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions. Like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work. Each week we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make midlife your best life Hey there friends. Welcome back to this School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. And I am thrilled to have you here today. This could be a short little episode because this is the week of the Best Life Retreat in Sun Valley, Idaho. I know you've seen some. Teasers about it. Some of you missed signing up for it. Make sure you get on the priority list to come next year. In fact, next year is going to be incredible because we're opening up what I like to call the study abroad program for the School of Midlife, where we will be doing obviously the OG retreat in Sun Valley, Idaho. But also creating a study abroad program. So the retreat will be headed to Mexico in the spring and then Italy in the fall. cause I don't know about you, but I love to travel. I didn't give myself the luxury of doing that for a really long time, because especially when it came to traveling to different countries. I thought it was too expensive. I thought it took too much time. I didn't allow myself to figure out from a scheduling perspective, how to be gone that long. Uh, certainly it seemed like, well, if you're, if you're gonna fly all the way to Europe, you need to be there for at least two weeks. And how could I ever take that much time off of. Work, how, how could I get that much vacation time? Of course, they give you that amount of vacation time and it's only you, that is saying. Gosh. I don't know if I should take that time. How was how's working to survive without me? I'm are they going to be able to finish the projects that I'm working on? Who's going to man, this while I'm gone. I mean, we're always telling ourselves how important we are and I get it there. It's not always easy to take that much time off, but. It's imperative. Really? The, the older we get, the, the more important it is that we invest in experiences that. Make our life worth living. That are packed full of. Life satisfaction and fulfillment and happiness. And most of the things that we are all chasing. Which brings up this idea, this reason why having new experiences, having more memorable experiences. Why it is so important, particularly for midlife women. Many years ago, I was listening to NPR and there was a psychologist on there talking about, he had just written a book. I don't remember what his name was. But he was talking about how. As we get older, as, you know, as we age. The years just seem to fly by. It feels like each year, it feels like it goes faster than the year before. And his thesis was the reason that that happens is because we stop having new experiences. We stop learning new things. And because. We aren't going and doing new things because we aren't learning. New things or experiencing new things. It all runs together. It just, it feels like you're living. The same day, the same month, the same year over and over again. The example he used to prove his point was, think about your freshman year in college. And all of the things you remember about your freshman year in college. I was, I was in a sorority I went to a large university. And the Greek system was pretty large as well. I remember the first toga exchange. And we were well aware that the Toga exchange also included the, the entertainment for the night. Was beer sliding. Clearly, you're not going to. Beer slide in the sheets that you put on your bed. So. A friend and I went to the store and we bought it. Set of Simpsons sheets. Yes Simpsons the, the cartoon characters. And I took the flat sheet. She took the fitted sheet or vice versa. I don't remember, but we made togas out of those, those sheets. And we did our beer sliding in simpsons printed sheets. And in case you're wondering a beer slide is where they put down plastic bags on the ground and it gets wet because they throw beer on it and then you run and you slide across the floor. Um, you wake up the next morning, if you do it correctly with very bruised hips, because of course there is either a cement or wood floor underneath. So a small layer of plastic doesn't really provide much cushioning. Um, it turns out though, the more you drink, the more beer you drink at the exchange, the less you feel your hips or your knees or your elbows while you're doing the beer site, it's just the next day that you don't feel so good. But I remember that vividly. I remember Halloween party. I remember. Football games. I remember brunches before football games. I remember walking back and forth in the pouring down rain two different parties that we went to. Of course there was some studying that also went on. Um, my birthday is in December and that was also the year that. The Seattle area had record snowfall. My birthday's on December 19th. I had a final on December 18th at one o'clock in the afternoon. Poly psy 1 0 1. And it had just started to snow. When I was walking into my final one, o'clock. Three hours later, I get out of my final there's 12 inches of snow on the ground because in Seattle, when it snows it's as very wet snow, that just piles up. Very wet piles up quickly and it was still snowing. Well, I actually had an exam scheduled for my birthday the very next day, which was the last day of finals, December 19th. And. It was international studies like 2 0 2 or something. Three. Oh two, I don't know. It was, it was a. Junior level class that I remember. The first or second day. The professor looked at me. In the first row and said, essentially somebody the effective, you have no business being in this class because I had no. Under lying information and the international studies program, it was literally my first quarter of college. I mean, I don't know how I ended up in that class, but. here I am the night before my birthday it's dumping snow. Most everybody on the campus is they are done with finals and they're having these epic. Snowball fight parties outside. The streets are closed because seattle's very hilly if there's 12 and at that point, 18 inches of snow on the ground, you can't actually get around anywhere. But we had to keep studying because we didn't know if they were gonna cancel school or not. And since our finals were almost a hundred percent of our grade. I sat there and I studied with three other people for a test that was going to happen the next day. Of course it didn't. They ended up canceling exams. Probably about six o'clock in the morning. Most everyone was gone for the holidays. And I was busting my ass to figure out how to get home because I couldn't drive anywhere. My, my car was packed under 18 inches of snow. I was trying to figure out, is there a way that I can get a ride down to the ferry so I can get on the last ferry, going back to Bremerton for the holidays, with all of my clothes that I needed to pack for vacation. I also had a bunch of gifts. I was taking home. I wish. Someone would have filmed me. Running to the ferry. I finally found at like the 11th hour, I found somebody to drive me down to the ferry. Drop me off about three blocks away. And I am just, I, I am. Carrying bags and bags. You know, I've got a backpack over my head. I've got a messenger bag slung over my other shoulder, and then I'm just carrying my arms are full of packages and a suitcase. And it was so ridiculous. I made it on the ferry. I think it was one of the last people on the ferry. And of course, You know, it's slippery. I mean. Um, I, I can only imagine what I look like. But I've got very, very clear memories of what happened my first year in college. I also have very clear memories of what happened my last year in college. And that's because like other people I was trying to figure out, what am I going to do next? I was applying for jobs. I was applying for graduate school. Um, there were spring formals, there was graduation, there were final exams that had to be taken. I mean, there was a lot that happened that last year, that was new to me. And back to this. Psychologists thesis is that. You remember your first year and your last year? Very clearly because there's so much new going on. Your second and third year, you probably don't have very clear recollection of what happened then at all. Do. No. And it's because you're doing, you know, you're essentially getting up and you're going to school and then you're going to work and there is nothing. New. There's nothing different. Maybe, maybe you did take a really interesting spring break trip. But for the most part. You're living the same day over and over and over again, which makes them just run together. And when they do that, it makes the months go by quickly and the years go by even faster. And that's what we're doing. As adult women. The reason the years seem to go by in a flash. It's because we're not being intentional about having new experiences. We're not making decisions that push us out of our comfort zone that. Require us to. Build new. Skillsets to learn new things. To navigate new and different circumstances. And. I'm telling you it's time that we change that. As I'm getting ready to go to the retreat. There are a couple of experiences that I know. Are going to be new and different for the women that are coming. I don't want to spoil it if they're listening. So. I know from past experiences that some of those exercises. Or uncomfortable. Like. People have told me. When you said we were going to do X, I was like, I don't want to do that. uh, I have no desire to do that. And then after they've done them, they're like, I'm so glad we did that. Because it actually. It proves to me that one, I can do new things. Two. I might have interests in a different. Arena than I thought. And three. I kinda like. Pushing outside of the comfort zone. Because I feel like I have been living. Each day. The same way and expecting different results. Like I kind of feel like, okay, Once the kids are gone. Once I get my parents situated, once I retire, then I can finally step into living the life that I want to live. And by doing some things outside of my comfort zone at the retreat, in this very safe environment, in the safe space. It is proven to me that I don't have to wait. That there are things that I can start doing right now. Kind of a toe dip in a very safe way. Just to figure out is that what I really want to do? With my retirement or is that what I really want to do with the second half of my life? I firmly believe in the power of a retreat, the getting away from your everyday day to day. Where everybody's asking you what's for dinner. You're being asked to respond to text messages at every moment that you're awake. It's really hard to focus on doing something different when you were in the thick of it. But I also know that not all of us can take time away from our schedule, that some of us, you know, we've got younger kids and we need to make sure that they're being taken care of. Some of us are taking care of our aging and elderly parents, and we can't just go away for a retreat. So if your. Someone who it's not in the cards for you too. Get away. On a retreat. Much of what we do. At the retreat. It's the same principles that we apply. In the gap year. If you've been around here for a while, you may know that the gap year is the signature group coaching program for the School of Midlife. And it's centered on this idea that we really need to figure out what we want to be when we grow up. Because for most of us, We have already done everything that we're supposed to do, supposed to in air quotes. We have followed the adulting playbook to a tee. We were given this idea of this is how you can be successful in life. And we did that. Because we are hardworking. Perfectionist people pleasers. So if somebody says, in order for you to be successful, this is what we need you to do. It's like we got in line. We did the things, all the things without question. With the idea and the expectation that once we completed them, We would get to midlife and feel like we had made it. Feel like we would be rewarded with this incredible life. And instead we get to midlife and we realize. Not only is my life no different than it used to be. I still am suffering from some feelings of. Unfulfillment and unsatisfaction. Not actually even sure that those are words, but I don't feel like I thought I would feel once I got here, I'm not as excited about it. I thought that the end game would lead to this life satisfaction in this life fulfillment. I thought that once it was time for me to retire. I would be so excited about what I was going to do in retirement. Only to be on the precipice of having that freedom, that retirement affords and sitting back and thinking now, what the hell am I going to do with my life? So as part of the gap year, we. Introduce. Midlife women to the concept of. Trying new things. That interests us. And we do that through exercises. And coaching. To push you outside of the comfort zone to get you outside of the box to get you thinking about. Many things that you have not thought about before, including what do you want? Like, what do you actually want? Not what you've been conditioned to want, not what society told you to want, not what your parents raised you to want. Not what your neighbor down the street tells you, you should want, but what is it you actually want? That's where we start. And then why do you want it? That that starts getting into. If you are able to have the thing that you want, what is that going to give you? How was that going to make you feel? And then once we understand what do we want? How do we define success? Because most of us have been buying into this idea that we are only successful when our title is X and when our paycheck. Has this many zeroes on it. I don't know about you, but that antiquated masculine centered. Patriarchy way of defining success. That doesn't work for me anymore. I am tired of chasing. A title at work. And more promotions so that I get paid more. And on the flip side of that giving up. Freedom. Giving up my health, because I don't know about you, but if you pour as much as you need to have your time and energy into your job to reach those titles and get that paycheck. You are giving up plenty of yourself along the way. That doesn't even include what you need to. Take care of at home. So the whole idea that we need to be focusing on our health. And our sleep and what we're eating and how we're moving our body. Those are things that seem to just get pushed off. Until some point. But the truth is if we actually focused on those things first. Almost everything else in our life would fall into place. If we focus on. How we are feeling. If we focus on living a healthy life, both physically and emotionally for ourselves. We're going to have better relationships. We're going to perform better at work. We're going to have a better life. And so that, that whole idea. That. Money is going to bring me the happiness that I want or the next achievement or the next job title. I will finally feel like I've arrived. That I'm finally successful. That's backwards. Like we, they, they. Sold us a bag of goods. That is not what we should be working towards. Instead, we should be pouring our time and energy into making. Our life successful in the way we define them. Which leads to the third thing that we talk about. All the time in the gap year. And that is. What does your best life look like? If we are in this period, we, where we are making midlife our best life that we're on this jumping off point to the next half of our life. And we want that to be. The best possible life. What does that even look like? What are we expecting? To have in that life that we don't have right now, what are we expecting to feel? What do we expect to do? And what will that bring us? So. We spend a lot of time in the gap here. Talking about. What do we want? How do we define success? What does our best life look like? And we get there through. Monthly exercises. That. Are so much different than. What we have been taught. Sure. There is goal-setting but any in a way that. Would blow your mind. Because we don't, we do not. Focus on setting smart goals for our personal life, because in my opinion, Smart goals as they relate to your personal life. They're ruining our personal lives. So we actually end up setting life goals. We talk about limiting beliefs. We talk about boundaries. We talk about triggers and roadblocks. So my get in our way between where we are now and where we're going to be. And because we talk about them. We also come up with. Tools and solutions and. Uh, plan for what is going to happen. When things aren't going our way, how can we recalibrate without just throwing it all to the wayside and saying, you know what. It's just not my year. Um, I don't have time to do this right now. I'm not going to focus on this now I'll do this at some other point. We don't do that. Because. What has become really clear, the older that we get, it's not only do we have to focus on new experiences and memorable experiences. But we need to focus on the ones that are meaningful to us. So that we can create. Our best life in midlife. So that we can live the one life we've been given. I mean, I feel like a lot of us. Are guilty of this idea that there will be plenty of time for us. To figure out what we want to be when we grow up. In the future. We don't have time to figure out that right now, we don't have time to spend on that right now. We are too busy doing other things. And my question is. To what end. At what cost. cause you continuing to push off living the life you want to live. That's not hurting your boss. That's not hurting. Your family. That's not hurting. Anyone else around you? It's only hurting you. And the last time I checked. No bonus points for martyrdom, right? This is going a little far, a field of where a thought. I was going to go in today's episode, which is, I am so excited about the new experiences that the women that we're going to have this week at the best life retreat. I know that as we add the study abroad program next year, There's going to even be more incredible new experiences and lifelong memories that are going to be part of that study abroad program. But I also want you to put in the back of your head in the keeping in the back of your mind, that if you are someone who is looking to make 20, 25 your best year yet, Like. You've you've kind of been following along the School of Midlife. You like the idea that there. There are some tools that. You might be sort of interested in hearing about. In December, is going to be another intake of the next cohort for the gap year. 12 months to. Figure out and start living. Your best life and midlife The next cohort will come in in December. We're not actually going to start the meat of the work though until January. I mean, I, I don't want to put something else on your holiday. To do list. The holidays are stressful enough as it is. But there will be some opportunities to add your name to the class roster for the next cohort. So just be thinking about that. The, this is just a little breadcrumb to know that it's coming. So far. The women that are going through it right now in the founding member cohort. I've heard nothing but incredible. Feedback. They, they really are loving the gap year. They're so excited about. The impact that it has had on their life. They're grateful that they decided to step forward and put themselves first in their own life. And I couldn't be more excited for them. I really am. So impressed. So excited to see. What their life looks like on the other side of their gap year. To wrap this episode up. I guess the question I would be asking you is. How are you being intentional about infusing new experiences into your life? How are you avoiding living the same day? The same week, the same month. Each year. Are you. Trying new things. Are you experiencing new things? Are you going new places? Are you opening yourself up to learning new things? And if. Your finding that. Your lacking in memorable experiences. Then I would encourage you. Two. Either join us for. Uh, best life retreat in 2025, or make sure you get. On the priority list for the incoming cohort of the gap year. So that your intentional. About creating the life you want to live. You're not just waiting for it to happen. You're not waiting for someone else to. Do something for you because my God you've worked your ass off for them. Maybe they should return the favor. That's not going to happen. So we need to put as much time and energy into our own life. Because we have the lives of others. And that. We'll be repaid. Over and over and over again. Not just in your life, but in everyone's life, around you. Thanks so much for being here today on the School of Midlife podcast. I hope you have the best week and I will see you right back here next week when the School of Midlife is back in session until then take a care. Thank you so much for listening to the School of Midlife podcast. It means so much to have you here each week. If you enjoyed this episode, could you do me the biggest favor and help us spread the word to other midlife women? There are a couple of easy ways for you to do that first. And most importantly, if you're not already following the show, would you please subscribe? That helps you because you'll never miss an episode. And it helps us because you'll never miss an episode. Second, if you'd be so kind to leave us a five-star rating, that would be absolutely incredible. And finally, I personally read each and every one of your reviews. So if you take a minute and say some nice things about the podcast, well, that's just good karma. Thanks again for listening. I'll see you right back here. Next week when the school of midlife is back in session until then take good care.