If Loving Yourself Was Easy, We'd All Be Doing It

In this episode, Laurie introduces you to a simple but powerful daily practice that she just learned. It focuses on gratitude, forgiveness and love. And it starts with expressing those powerful statements to yourself. Laurie shares her personal revelation about the difficulty of applying this practice to herself, highlighting the challenges of self-love and forgiveness.

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Transcript

0:02

Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm your host, Laurie Reynoldson. This is the podcast for the midlife woman who starting to ask herself big life questions. Like, what do I want? Is it too late for me? And what's my legacy beyond my family and my work. Each week we're answering these questions and more. At the School of Midlife, we're learning all of the life lessons they didn't teach us in school and we're figuring out finally what it is we want to be when we grow up. Let's make midlife your best life Hey friends. And welcome back to the School of Midlife podcast. I am your host, Laurie Reynoldson. this is going to be a short one today. I just returned from a two day retreat with my business coach. The focus was on mindset and there were so many incredible breakthroughs and a ha's and takeaways that. It's going to take me some time to work through all of it. When I recorded an episode just now. It just felt like I was. Cashing it in. Like just mailing it in. Because it was not. It was essentially a redo of a past episode and my heart just wasn't in it so I could have simply publish that one and gone on with the rest of my day. And. But it just, it. It felt a little inauthentic, honestly. And it was great for when it was originally published. When I originally dropped the episode, I don't know. Uh, year and a half ago, maybe. But. Especially coming off of this two day retreat. It just didn't feel like the message I wanted to put out. And because I didn't have anything else planned for today. Um, for this episode, then it's just going to be a short one. There were, like I said, tons of breakthroughs and takeaways. I will I'm sure share some of them with you in due time. This, this retreat was. All mindset focused. And long days we would start at 9:00 AM in the morning. We would go until 10 or 11 o'clock at night. And it was a lot of mindset. So rewiring the way we think rewiring, how we view things. Um, some dredging up of past history and how we develop some of our limiting beliefs. It was a heavy lift. It was one of those. Retreats that is exhausting. Right, because it's, it's emotionally taxing. And when you were sitting in a ballroom. Answering lots of questions, doing some deep diving on the spiritual and mental side. It's it takes a lot. It takes a lot of energy. So it will take me a little bit of time to sort through everything and yes, I will start dripping some of that once I have a bit more time to process it. But the one thing that. Was easy. Two. Immediately start implementing in my own life. Is the Ho'Oponopono practice. And it's a Hawaiian practice. And I want to tell you about it here. The Ho'Oponopono practice is quick, so that works well, but today I'll just be a quick little hit. Okay. So the Ho'Oponopono practice is a Hawaiian practice, which is much like a prayer. And it is used for reconciliation and forgiveness. It is thought to bring about deep healing. For both the person who is asking for the forgiveness. And the persons who are offering this practice or praying this practice on his or her behalf. Okay. So, sometimes it is referred to as cleaning because it is offering up. Forgiveness and reconciliation, and so it's cleaning and purifying the person or the soul, or however you want to think about it, but it's, it's really. Simple. And it's profound and I think it feels profound because it is so simple. Here's what it is. Four little statements, they are. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. That's it four simple statements. I love you. I'm sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. And you just repeat them over and over again. Slowly. Rhythmically, you can either speak them out loud or just repeat them silently in your head. You can keep your eyes closed when you do it, you can look at the person. If, if they, he or she is in the same room with you, you can just imagine them out in the world, doing their life. You can say it to yourself. And that's what was most interesting to me. So I love the Ho'Oponopono practice for anyone. It's so easy. You can give that kind of energy and love too anyone in your life who could need, could use it right. I love you. I'm sorry, please. Forgive me. Thank you. I mean. It doesn't get much simpler than that. And we can all use a little bit of that. But what's so interesting to me is I had no problem offering up the blessings of the Ho'Oponopono practice to anyone in my group. And, you know, we, we broke out into a number of small groups and we said it a number of different times. No problem, offering up the blessings to those people. Or friends or family members, as I was thinking about them as we were working through some of the exercises. What was hard for me. Sending the prayers to myself. I know that that sounds ridiculous. But every time I started, every time I said, I love you. Every single time. These juicy tears welled up in my eyes. And then they slowly rolled down my cheeks. And I would say, I love you and I would tear up and then I would go to I'm sorry. And I would just, there was a catch in my throat. Even though I was silently moving through the practice. I wasn't saying it out loud when I was saying it to myself. But it was like, I couldn't speak, there was this, just this block in my throat. Going from, I'm sorry to please forgive me. So tough because I've. It was all this. Emotion was welling up into my throat. Just as I'm thinking about it. And then of course, ending with thank you. And it occurred to me that it sure should be easy to say. I love you. And I'm sorry. And please forgive me. And thank you. To ourselves. Right. I mean. That should be easy. It should be easy to say. I love you to ourselves and mean it. It should be easy for us to apologize to ourselves to say I'm sorry. And mean it. It should be easy for us to say, please forgive me. And mean it right. And then thank you. I mean, we, if, if you've been around me for any time at all, you know, that I start my morning every day with gratitude. The morning, 5, 10, 5, the first five are, what am I grateful for? And I have a tough time saying thank you to myself. Which. Which made me think. About how much easier it is for us to give grace to others then to allow it for ourselves. Think about how quickly if someone arounds us needs help. Or support. Think about how quickly we are to offer help and support to our friends and our family members and our community members, our coworkers whenever they need it. But it's almost like we feel this responsibility to take care of everything in our own lives, ourselves. Without asking for help. And oftentimes we take that even one step further. We go so far as to actually turn down, help that is offered to us with this idea that we can do it ourselves. You know what I thank you for offering, but I don't need your help. Because we feel like there is some imperative that only applies to us. This whole idea that now we, we don't need help. We can figure this out. Somehow that only applies to us. Whereas if someone else in our life needed help. If, if, if we had done something to someone else. Generally, we're pretty quick to apologize. We're pretty quick to ask for forgiveness. Or at least we should be. Uh, that that's a healthy way of living. But we don't do that for ourselves. Isn't that interesting. If we take that one step further. It is said that we can not give to others more than we can give to ourselves. And related to that, we cannot heal others. Until we have healed ourselves. And finally. We can not love others more than we love ourselves. I've read that. In many books because I am a self. You know, a personal development junkie. Um, I've read this whole idea that we cannot love others more than we love ourselves. I know that I have spoken out loud. Offered up an opinion during book clubs where that. Idea has, has been discussed and said, you know what? I mean, think about a mom and her kids. I mean, obviously, even if she doesn't love herself, she loves her kids. So this idea that We can't love others more than we love ourselves. I think that that's crap. I think that's bullshit. And I'm, I'm not sure that I believe that until the last couple of days or. Um, in fact, I know, I didn't believe it. And. I think, I didn't believe it because I didn't really understand it. Sure we can offer love. And forgiveness. And support to others. But we have to be able to do that to ourselves first. And not, not from a narcissistic standpoint, not from. I love myself and the rest of you can get, just go eff right? Not that, not that. But. You got to start with yourself. And for me. That was probably the most profound takeaway. From the last couple of days, because there were so many brilliant moments and flashes of inspiration. But. This idea that it's imperative to offer a love and kindness to myself first. I probably have spent time preaching about that. Kind of a do, as I say, not as I do. Uh, cause I know I've talked about self-love and if you would have asked me, yeah, I love myself. Of course. Are there things that I would like to improve upon? Absolutely. Um, but sure. Yeah. I love myself. Then why can't I say it to myself? Why is it harder for me to say, I love you to myself and mean it. Than it is to just throw it out. So moving forward. I'll be adding the Ho'Oponopono prayer to my morning routine. I will still do the morning, 5, 10, 5 after my walk. After I drink my, my bottle of water. But I think first thing in the morning, Just for that kind of grounding, I want to say the prayer. I'm going to add it to my morning routine. And before I send it out to all of you, which I will. I'm going to offer it up to myself first. I thought about this. A lot when I was flying home. From California back to Boise after the retreat. And it's just like, Anytime you're on an airplane. If something happens to the airplane, right? You're instructed to put your own oxygen mask on first, before assisting others. So. Wouldn't it make sense then that you would. Start with loving yourself. You would start with gratitude for yourself. You would start with forgiving yourself before you move on to others. And I think for. I don't think I'm alone in this. I think that so many of us are focused on really making things easier for people around us. Showing our appreciation, showing our love and support to everyone around us. And we feel like. It's just assumed. Of course, of course we love ourselves. Yeah. No big deal. Of course. I'm more that, of course, I think I'm enough. Of course. I am worthy of love. Of course I'd love myself. But do we? And it's not really anything that I had thought about until. I Had to put this into practice to actually, you know, do the damn thing. To tell myself I loved her. To tell myself, I was sorry to ask for forgiveness. To thank myself. Which begs the question. Since I've been thinking about it. When's the last time you told yourself that you loved yourself. Or apologize to yourself. Or express gratitude to yourself. If you're like me you're you might be a little overdue. And if that's the case. You might want to start with the Ho'Oponopono practice. And throw it out to yourself first. Send out that love and that energy of course, to people around you. To the world. I mean, I feel like we could all use a little. Reconciliation and gratitude. And forgiveness in this the world that we're living in. But start with yourself first. Try that on. See how it feels. And if you do try it, I'd love for you to share your experience. Send me an email. DM me on Instagram. I'd love to hear. How this simple practice. Might also impact your life. That's what I've got for you today. I know it was a short one today, but I just didn't feel like I could mail it in. I didn't feel like I could go away. for this profoundly impactful event that I just attended and mail it in. And just give you something that felt. Like something I should be saying or something I should be sharing. So this one is short. But hopefully impactful. I would love to hear how you put this practice into your daily routine. Let me know. Given what I just experienced I know that they're going to be a couple of changes from. Some of the exercises that we do at this year's Best Life Retreat. Some really impactful experiences that I had in California, that I will be working into the retreat. So if you're ready for a little reset. If you want to spend some time getting clear on what your best life looks like and how to make that your reality. And then of course, pepper that in with some incredible afternoons at the spa and some beautiful hikes and other cool things, then join me at this years Best Life Retreat. Um, a little information coming up for that at the end of this episode and enrollments now open. So get your name on the list before it sells out because I will, and there are only a handful of spots still available. If you have any questions on that, you let me know. But that's what I've got for you today. Thank you so much for being here and I will see you right back here next week when the School of Midlife is back in session. Until then take good care. I have a question for you. When was the last time you spent a day focused completely on yourself. Away from the daily grind, the constant emails and text messages. The never ending question of what is for dinner. Well, if a day sounds good to you. What about an entire weekend away? And before you start thinking that sounds a little too indulgent. Let me remind you that you can't take care of everyone else in your life. If you don't take care of yourself first. I am thrilled to personally invite you to join me at the next best life retreat and world famous sun valley, Idaho. With more than 15 hours of group coaching to figure out what you actually want in life, how you define success and help you lay the groundwork for you to create a life that not only makes you happy. But also makes you feel personally fulfilled. There will be incredible group activities like happy hour paint and sips morning walks a sunrise hike, your choice of spa appointments and an award winning spa. All of this wrapped up in luxury accommodations, gourmet meals, premium drinks, and the best gift bag you have ever seen. I'm telling you this will be one of the very best weekends of your entire life. To keep their retreat intimate. There are only 10 spots available and when they're gone, they're gone. So go right now click the link in the show notes and get yourself on the priority list so that you'll be the first to know when we open up registration I cannot wait to see you in sun valley