24. Time to Move On: Knowing When to Quit

In this week's episode of the School of Midlife podcast, we're talking about quitting, and knowing when it's time to move on.

Laurie shares a personal story of her own struggle with deciding whether to quit her job to pursue her passion of helping midlife women thrive. She recounts her thought process of trying to make the decision, battling FOMO, people-pleasing tendencies, and ego. She explores why quitting can be so difficult in a society that values grit, perseverance and persistence.

This is the episode for any high-achieving midlife woman who wants to make a change, but is worried about making a mistake or having regrets.

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Transcript

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So that begs the question. What is it okay to quit? In a society that places value on sticking it out. Staying the course. because the message we get is that quitting is for losers. Winners never quit quitters, never win. my opinion. it's okay to quit when something's not working for us when we've outgrown it, or when there's nothing more that we can gain by sticking with it. it's in the quitting. That we can make room for something else. Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm Laurie Reynoldson, former award-winning attorney turned high performance coach for midlife women. I designed this podcast is your go-to place for weekly midlife inspiration, where I'll be sharing, inspiring stories, providing step-by-step actionable coaching and introducing you to some incredible women who are absolutely crushing it at the midlife game. And you'd better believe we'll also be having candid conversations about mid-life relationships, career moves, money, menopause, and so much more. So take out your reading glasses and notebooks. My friends, because the School of Midlife is in session. Hey there. Welcome back to another episode of the school of mid-life podcast. I'm going to start by saying, this is not the episode I had expected to drop today. I had an episode scheduled. Uh, talking all about why we're programmed to feel guilty when we take time off. Um, time. Did devote to ourselves, whether, especially if that's like on a Sunday and there's nothing on the calendar. But instead of. Reading a book or spending time doing yoga or taking a nap or something. We feel. Compelled to fill that time with something productive. But. We'll draw that that episode will drop another time because the timing of what's going on in my life right now, I have a real life example that has been playing out over the last weekend. And it's just too good not to talk about. So instead of talking about feeling guilty, when we take time off on our. For ourselves today, we're going to talk about quitting. How to know when it's time, especially in a world that values. Perseverance and grit. I know that from a very young age, we are taught. Early on that winners never quit and quitters never win. So here's what happened this weekend. That has me thinking all about quitting and how we need to reframe. The narrative as it relates to quitting. Here's what's happened to me this weekend. So. I think most of you know, that I have been a commercial real estate broker for the past six years. Um, actually six years is the longest I have ever worked anywhere. In consecutively in a row. I mean, I've obviously I was a commercial real estate attorney for 20 years, but I had different stops along the way. Um, and I've been at the brokerage house where I have worked for the last six years. And it's the longest I've ever worked anywhere. I love my job. I love my clients. I'm surrounded by the best team of co-workers. It really is a fan tastic job. But I also know where my passions lie. And that that is helping midlife women make midlife their best life. And my vision of school of midlife, which this podcast is just the very beginning of. But I see in the future school of midlife will be like the goop for midlife women. So, you know, Gwyneth Paltrow's lifestyle brand that E newsletter, the. The site. Where you can go learn about all things. Style and beauty, et cetera. That is what I envision for midlife women. So you've got questions about menopause, then you can find it on school of midlife. If you're experiencing issues related to midlife relationships, find it on the school of midlife. Right? You get, you get the idea, wondering what to pack for a two week trip, find it on the school of midlife. this podcast is just the beginning of the school of midlife media company. Eventually it will be a website and retreats and articles and all the things midlife that you are looking for. There'll be this fantastic tool. We're not there yet, but we will be. So this vision that I have for the future is what has led me to quit. And I'm using air quotes around. Quit. But I quit my job at the end of 2022. I was freshly back from a very inspirational coaching conference. I had the opportunity actually to coach some of the best in the business. And they said wonderful things about it, like that coaching was on fire or that was incredible. Or how did you know the exact question to ask me to get that breakthrough? So sure my, my ego was totally stroke. Stoked. Sure my ego was totally stoked coming home. Nope. Stroked, not stoked. Um, I mean, who doesn't love to hear that they're good at something right. But at that conference, I had this confirmation that I know what I want to do when I grow up. Finally. And it's not commercial real estate brokerage. I'm damn good at it. I can do it. I do it so well. But. It's just not where my heart lies. But I'll say that, just having the idea. Isn't enough. You have to execute on the idea, right? You have to see it through, despite all of the obstacles. And if you are a woman who follows me on social media, You might be one of the people that DMS me or comments on what I'm posting saying things like, I love what you're doing. Or you're filling a gap that is so needed. I was at a networking event last week in Boise. I had several people say I haven't met you yet, but I'm so excited to finally meet you because you're so inspirational. Thank you for doing what you're doing. So. On the one hand, I've got this inspiration kind of oozing out of me, and I know that I'm making a difference. I know where I'm headed. I can see the vision clearly. But on the other hand, it's not yet paying the bills. Basically school of midlife up until this point has been a very time intensive and expensive hobby. Here's what I mean? I launched a group program in 2021. No one showed up. No one signed up. The same thing happened again in 2022, because I spent. My years learning how to write. To be an attorney. So part of this transition that I'm going through is learning how to write copy and marketing and. Writing sales pages that, you know, sell things and, and up until now, I haven't known how to do that. So I've kind of been failing at it miserably. So 2021, I launched a group program. No one signed up. No, one's signed up in 2022. I'm currently in the middle of the founding member cohort. For a brand new group. Coaching program called now. What? It's an eight week group coaching program for midlife women, high achievers. But wondering what to do next in their life. I love this program because it's the same coaching frameworks and methodologies that I've been using for years with my one-on-one clients. I know they get results. Their life is totally transformed. I had one client say. This coaching helped me become the person who I was always meant to be. That's pretty impactful stuff. Isn't it? So I'm so proud of this coaching. And because I know that it works. I'm rolling it out as a group program right now. Um, and because it's the first time I am. Presenting it. As a group coaching program. I have deeply discounted the rates. So. Aye. I know that the program works. I think I'm getting better on my copywriting. But let's just say that the signups have been. Shall we say slower than I'd hoped. I am. So grateful for the women who have already signed up. I know it's going to be incredible, but the signups are still much slower than expected. And I will say, though, at the time this episode drops, you can still sign up. I'll put a clickable link in the show notes, and I would love to have you in the program. But anyway, I am in the middle of this launch. But I am also scheduled to be at the annual brokerage retreat for the brokerage affirm, like right now I am supposed to be not in Boise, but at the brokerage retreat. And I cannot tell you how much time I have spent going back and forth on whether I should go. So, let me back up just a little bit. I said that I quit at the end of 2022. But we announced it to the brokerage that as of July 1st, I was going to focus full-time on the school of midlife.'cause you can't just quit brokerage. I mean, there are deals. That you're working on that just because you decide to go start a media company, those don't automatically get buttoned up and closed. Right. And as a broker, you don't get paid. If the deal doesn't close. So I have been telling myself that the reason that I can't leave brokerage completely is because I still have a lot of deals in the pipeline. And since I've been working on them for so long, I don't want to leave all that commission on the table. I don't know if that is just me making excuses for not launching yet, but that's where I'm at. And unfortunately. I have a number of pretty big deals that just keep getting pushed out for one reason or the other. So. Like deals that I thought would close in June. Which meant that I could have that clean break as of July one. Only one of those has closed and it actually closed. At the end of July. I have two others in the pipeline. One of them I thought was going to close a months ago and now it might close. In October, maybe November. I don't know. But suffice it to say. I've essentially been working two full-time jobs for quite a while now. And it's not sustainable because this girl likes her sleep. So. Once I figured out exactly what it was that I wanted to do when I grew up, which is pursue school of midlife in all its glory. Make it big. I had to quit brokerage. So I've made this decision. It's like I said, the transition isn't going quite as quickly as I had hoped. And it's all my responsibility. It has Mo the brokerage. I, I will continue to hold my license there. They have been absolutely so supportive. They've been great. But if I, if I'm being honest about it, I am probably dragging my feet a little bit more than I should be. Because. Uh, I want to get paid on the deals that haven't closed, so that, that might sound selfish. But in my mind, I'm thinking, well, I can use some of that cushion to bank roll school of midlife wall it's in its infancy. So. Last week. And I know that this is a long story, but, um, I promise I will bring it all back around. Just stick with me. At the beginning of last week, I spent a couple of days out of town with my business coach and we mapped out the entire next year of school, a midlife. And there was so much energy and excitement and just confirmation that I'm moving in the right direction. I just. You don't hell. The universe just lets you know, when what you're doing is right. That is what happened at the beginning of last week. And it was just this incredible high. And then I hosted two webinars. Last week. I opened the doors to now what the group coaching program. I signed the hotel contract for the best life reset retreat in sun valley in October. But talking about that a little bit here. Um, uh, I'll also drop a clickable link for that in the show notes. And then I signed the contract to publish the. Version 2.0 of the best life daily planner. Uh, in fact, I'm running a buy one, get one free of version 1.0 right now I'll I'll. Drop a link for that. Uh, down below as well. Anyway, suffice it to say last week was a huge week for me for school of midlife. And all of that happened. Before Friday rolled around. And on Friday, despite my best intentions on what I was going to accomplish with school of midlife. I was pulled squarely back into brokerage. I had three property tours that day. I was on two very lengthy calls on deals. I was trying to get one lease signed. One of the deals that we were talking about on the conference call. Um, it was supposed to close in. Aye. Uh, just after the beginning of the year. So January. I think it will close by November. Definitely December of this year, but who knows? So what started as this. Incredible momentum of a week on school of midlife. Ended with just being right back into brokerage. And when I think of, you know, my, my life philosophy lately, as told by the wonderful philosophers, the Avett Brothers. I feel like I've got one foot in and one foot back and it don't pay to live like that. If, if you're not a fan of the Avett Brothers, I mean, they are always preaching the good words in their songs. One of my favorite quotes is decide what to be and go be it. That's actually the first quote in my planner. I have it on my desk. It's just a good reminder to me to make a decision. And then make it happen. But. The Avett Brothers have been describing my actual reality lately, which is one foot in and one foot back. So that is. A long way of getting around to today. I'm supposed to be at the brokerage retreat. But I decided a couple of weeks ago that I wasn't going because The retreat is focused on planning for the future. And since I know my future, my full-time future is not in full-time brokerage. Then. I figured I wasn't going to go interestingly though, I never took it off my calendar. In fact, if you look on my calendar today, it's still showing tentative. Which I guess might be a good way to describe how I'm feeling about. Maybe even executing this whole transition. But anyway, I'm in the office on Friday. A bunch of the other brokers are asking me if I'm going, I'm kind of hemming and hawing. Whatever the hell. That means, but I'm very noncommittal. And.'cause I've got great coworkers in this great team. They're like, you should come. It'll be so much fun. And the brokerage retreats are fantastic. They are so fun. It's great to be out of the office. With my colleagues in a setting where, you know, it's just not so serious and you can get it's. It's fun. So by the time I leave the office on Friday, I'm going, I have decided I'm going. And then I spend all day Saturday thinking. I'm going, but kind of in the back of my mind, I'm questioning, like, why am I going. And then I start rethinking my decision on Sunday night and I'm going around and around in my head. And I'm making these mental pro and con lists. And then I talk myself into going and then I talk myself out of going and, you know, like a dog, if I had a tail, I would just, you would see me just chasing it around and around and around because literally I. I am. Thinking about it and I'm talking myself into going and then on like the next breath I'm talking myself out of going and it was just this back and forth. Huh. So as of this morning, I still had not made my decision. And I would have to leave Boise by nine o'clock in the morning to get there on time. So, because I apparently can't find my way out of a paper bag right now when it comes to making this decision. I talked to the managing partner of the firm. I talked to the sales team leader on the phone this morning. And. After talking to the both of them. I finally admitted a couple of things to myself. That one, I was letting my FOMO rule me and I have. Historically had some issues with FOMO. So that wasn't the first time that this has happened to me. But I also noticed that. Some of my people, pleasing tendencies were bubbling up. I didn't want to let them down if they were expecting me to be there. Now bear in mind. These are the two people that have been most supportive of this transition because they want to support me. They know that what I'm doing as it relates to school of midlife is very important to me. So. I don't know why this people pleasing, you know, I don't want to let them down why that idea was bubbling up, but it was. And then I think the last thing that I finally realized this morning was. There was a little bit of ego creeping into. Because I didn't. Want them. To forget about me. I didn't want them to think that I was, I don't know, less than or think that I was throwing in the towel because I couldn't cut it. Which is so dumb. I know. I mean, And I don't think any of my coworkers think that about me. I am. I don't even know where that, where that comes from, but it's this. Idea of. You know, are you, are you quitting something because you can't handle it. Which. That's a lot. I know, but. All of that to say, I didn't go. Aye. I did not go to the brokerage retreat, all of that time and energy and the mental gymnastics about go, not go, go, not go. It got me really thinking about quitting. And that's what I want to talk about today. I think it's so interesting that we live in a society that values. Grit. And determination. And stick to wittedness. I don't know if that's a word, But we're going to use it today. We say. As a society that the only way to fail. Is to quit. And I guess that's not entirely true because. If you don't start. Maybe not starting is the ultimate quitting, but once you start. Then there's this black mark on quitting. We applaud virtues of commitment and discipline and perseverance and persistence. But what happens when something's not working for us? When say we've achieved all we can achieve at work. And we've been passed over for another promotion, or we know that we're underpaid and our res or our bonus still doesn't catch us up. So we look around and we realize that we've achieved everything we can achieve. At that particular job. Or what happens when a relationship is no longer serving us, whether it's a friendship or a romantic relationship. But we feel like there's so much history there and there's the emotional and sentimental ties. But even, even with that history and those tough ties to, to sever, it's draining us and it's depleting us. So. What is it okay to quit a relationship? So that begs the question. What is it okay to quit? In a society that places value on sticking it out. Staying the course. because the message we get is that quitting is for losers. Winners never quit quitters, never win. I got to say my opinion. Is that it's okay to quit when something's not working for us when we've outgrown it, or when there's nothing more that we can gain by sticking with it. And I think one way to think about it is. it's in the quitting. That we can make room for something else. One of my new mantras is. That it's this or something better. Which has just been this perspective shift for me, which is. If I don't get what I thought I wanted, I have to trust that something better is on its way to me. Right. So. It's in the quitting. That we can make room for that, something else that this or something better. Which leads me to the three reasons. In my opinion, why we don't quit. I'm sure there are more, I'm sure there are other experts who are more qualified to speak on this, but. In my opinion, given what I've gone through just since Friday. Here are the three reasons why I don't think we quit. Number one. We have invested a lot of time and energy and money to get where we are. And if I remember back to my econ 1 0 1. Class from freshman year. Whatever time and energy and money we've already invested. Those are sunk costs. So sunk costs are costs or investments that we have already made in the past. And they are impossible to recover. So just because we have invested that time. We can never get that time back. We can never get the energy or the money that we have already spent. We can't get up. We, we have to let them go. Because we're never going to get them back. So if we can't ever get them back, why would we ever allow them to hold us back and keep us where we are right now? And a lot of people. A lot of women, midlife women who are. Thinking about making a change. They're worried to do so because they don't want to start back at zero. And I have to tell you friends that. You're never going to start back from zero. You get to take all of that life experience with you to your next best thing. Which means. You can't fixate on the time and the energy and the money that you've spent to get you to where you are now. You're going to take that with you. And there's sunk costs. Anyway, you cannot recover them. So you have to let them go. Second reason why we don't quit. We're afraid of making a mistake. What if I do this new thing and I'm not successful at it. What if the grass isn't greener, I mean, Not only could I talk about, you know, this, what if I go all in, on school of midlife and I'm not successful at it? I mean, if the, the last couple of launches have been any indicator where nobody buys into the program, Then I might think that I'm, you know, I might be making a mistake. I know I'm not. But I, another example that comes to mind is for many, many, many, many years, I was licensed to practice both in Washington and Idaho. In fact, the first bar exam I took out of law school. Was the Washington bar exam. And. Because there was no reciprocity at the time I had to take two bar exams, not to mention that they were both totally different. Washington was all essay. It was one of the, I don't know, one of the four states in the country that did not use what's called the multistate exam. So it is a multiple choice exam that Idaho and almost every other state in America uses. So I had to take two. Separate bar exams to have both licenses, one in Washington and one in Idaho. And I never practiced ever in Washington. But. I was always very proud of the fact that I was admitted into two states. But after paying license fees. In Washington for 15 years license fees that I never use never received the benefit from. I mean, I, I literally never worked on a case or a file where I needed my Washington license. So after paying. For that license for a very long time, longer than I should have. I decided to give up my Washington license. Now there's reciprocity. So I figured if I wanted to get back in to Washington, for some reason why I have no idea, but. If for some reason I needed to get that, that license back I could because there's reciprocity now. But at the point, I decided to give it up. I go online and it's during the renewal period. And there is a box that you can check if you are. Resigning your license. So you click the box and in very. Bold type in all caps. It says something to the effect of like, are you sure. You type, you know, you click. Yes. And then it pops up again. Are you sure you cannot redo this decision once it's done. It's done. You click. Yes. Again. Again, another pop up. Are you super, super sure. You've worked a long time and you know, you sat through a bar exam. Are you a hundred percent sure that you want to give up this license? I mean, it gives you every possible opportunity to make sure you're not making a mistake. Right. And I think a lot of us are raised with this idea that it's either success or failure. And in reality. Those aren't the only two options. Unlike resigning my bar license. Most things can be undone. So if you make a mistake, It's not the end of the world. You can make a mistake. Lauren from it and make another decision. So, if you're worried about making a mistake, That should not. Stop you from quitting, whatever it is you are doing now, because it's either this or something better. Number three. Third reason why we don't quit. We are adverse to loss. I don't know if it's the conditioning from messages. All around us, but most of us, whether we know it are not. Have loss averse tendencies. It's exactly the reason why investment bankers have found that messaging around helping you keep the money you have. Is more successful than messaging, about making more money. So in their advertisements, they will get a better response from something that says how not to lose a hundred thousand dollars in the stock market that will fare better than how to make a hundred thousand dollars in the stock market. Because we have this tendency to. Try and protect what is already ours. We already have it and we want to keep it ours. Right? So, this is how a loss aversion could play out. If you are looking to quit something. Um, I'm looking to quit my job, but I don't want to lose all the vacation that I've been saving. Also, um, if you, that vacation you've been saving, it's there for you to use it. That's a whole nother topic for another day that we will get into in another episode. But. You don't, you don't want to lose a vacation. You've been, you've been saving. Or you don't want to lose this seniority. Or you don't want to lose the perceived status or the years of experience. Again, we already talked about you don't actually lose those your years of experience, but. We're more concerned about keeping what we already have. Instead. Of. Making something better or something. Different. And there, I'm sure there are a number of reasons why this is so. But I think it centers on regret. I don't want to quit something or lose something and then regret it later. But instead of worrying about everything that we could lose from quitting. We're better served to pay closer attention. Or focus on. The future. Where do I want to go? Who do I want to be? That's where the focus should be. Instead of worrying about. What you could lose. Start focusing on the incredible something new that you can gain from quitting And if you're wondering what's next for you? Whether it's time to quit. Or what do you do now that you have a great life, but it still just feels like something's missing. There's still time to join me in the now what group program Check out the signup link below I'm going to leave you with this professionals who have studied quitting. Have found that people are happier after making the decision to quit something. Whether that's quit a job or leave a relationship or sell the family home and downsize. When we start thinking about the axed and the consternation and the struggling with making a decision, the kind of endless list of pros and cons. That's where the struggle is. Professionals have found that once you. Quit. Especially if you're somebody who's been on the verge, you're going to be happier after making the decision. If you've, if you've been on the verge for awhile, Instead of. Sticking with that struggle and the endless pro con list. Or if you're like me with one foot in one life and one fit in the other life. experts, they all agree that your better serve to make the decision. Just quit. The damn thing. You'll be happier. Thank you so much for sticking with me today on this very circuitous route, from where we started. The beginning of last week to Friday through the weekend. Um, and I hope you have a great week ahead. I will see you right back here next week when the school of midlife is back in session thanks so much for being here take care I have a question for you. When was the last time you spent a day focused completely on yourself. Away from the daily grind, the constant ding of text messages, the never ending question what's for dinner tonight. What about a weekend away. And before you start thinking that sounds a little too indulgent. Let me remind you that you can't take care of everyone else in your life. If you don't take care of yourself first. I am thrilled to personally invite you to join me at the best life reset retreat, October 12th, through the 15th. Four days and world famous sun valley, Idaho. With more than 10 hours of group coaching to figure out what you actually want in life. How you define success. And lay a groundwork for you to create a life that not only makes you happy, but also makes you feel personally fulfilled. There will be incredible group activities like happy hour paint and sips walks, hikes, a private yoga class. Your choice of spa appointments at an award-winning spa. Luxury accommodations, gourmet meals, premium drinks. And the best gift bag you have ever seen. I'm telling you this will be one of the best weekends of your life. To keep the retreat intimate. There are only 12 spots available and when they're gone, they're gone. So go right now, click the link in the show notes to grab your spot. See you in sun valley.