19. Write Your Future: Manifesting the Life You Want Through Journaling

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As I've told you before, affirmations don't work for me. I get nothing out of telling myself half-truths while standing in front of a mirror with my hands on my hips in my best Super Woman pose.

But you know what does work for me? Using manifestation and journaling to create my dream life. I start by manifesting my dream life, and then use journaling to help me make that manifestation my reality. There is something incredible that happens when you couple a strong vision of your best life with the belief that you have the power to make it a reality. And while you can write about what you're manifesting, you'll find that as a tool, journaling can be best used to address the personal road blocks and limiting beliefs  that are standing between you and your best life.

Grab your pen and notebook because this episode will be the kick-start you've been looking for to finally start a weekly journaling practice!

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Transcript

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Would your life be better if you came clean about what's on your mind with the people in your life. Would you feel more like yourself? I think so. I mean, would you feel less like you were acting a certain way to fit into your life? mean that that's okay for high school, we all did that. Right. We, we showed up in a certain way so that we could fit in and be part of the crowd. But. Is that still serving you in your forties or in your fifties? Do you really want to act a certain way to fit into your life? Or do you want to live? Life. That is more authentically you. And only you can answer that question. Welcome to the School of Midlife podcast. I'm Laurie Reynoldson, former award-winning attorney turned high performance coach for midlife women. I designed this podcast is your go-to place for weekly midlife inspiration, where I'll be sharing, inspiring stories, providing step-by-step actionable coaching and introducing you to some incredible women who are absolutely crushing it at the midlife game. And you'd better believe we'll also be having candid conversations about mid-life relationships, career moves, money, menopause, and so much more. So take out your reading glasses and notebooks. My friends, because the School of Midlife is in session. Well, Hey there friends. Welcome back to the school of midlife podcast. I am so excited to be with you today. You may have noticed that I unintentionally took last week off when it came time to record an episode. Actually had a really terrible year ache. And I since found out that that, um, is a new migraine prodome. So the, the symptoms that happen before a migraine, which I had never really had before. I mean. Migraines for sure. I've had the whole inner ear. throbby nerving pain. It. Wasn't great. Anyway. Suffice it to say. The last thing I wanted to do was put in headphones and record a podcast episode. So I'm sorry, I wasn't there last week, but I am back this week. And today I want to talk about how you can use. Manifestation in journaling to help you figure out what it is you want. What is important to you, that you want to live, create the life you want to live. All those things that we talk about all the time. For midlife women. One of my favorite quotes is I think it's attributed to Albert Einstein and it goes something like this, that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result. And I think a lot of us can relate to that. Um, You know, we look at our calendar and it's super. Overbooked with all of these obligations, not opportunities, but obligations, things that we said we committed to in the moment. They sounded great at first and now we're. Kind of lamenting that we have to do them and we're frustrated by it, or we're exhausted. we, we tell ourselves, you know what, this is the last time I'm going to over-schedule myself. And, and once I get everything done on my to-do list, then I'm going to be better at calendar control. And then of course the next thing, you know, Your a month or two months Down the road and you're facing the same calendar control issues because your doing the same thing, you are living the same way. You are perpetuating the same habits and expecting a different result. I think we see that a lot, um, with the idea that. This is the project that once I complete it, I will finally feel accomplished. Or this is the promotion that once I earn it, I will finally feel successful. it can be material things as well. You know, this is the house or the car or the handbag or the diamond earrings that once I buy them, Then I'll feel wealthy or that I belong or that I'm cool. Whatever it is. there's that, that quick dopamine hit where we feel super excited and exhilarated. You know, I finally did it. And, and we feel that same way when we are buying something big. Right. But, or, or we're buying something indulgent for ourselves that we wouldn't necessarily typically every day spend money on like some nice diamond earrings or a gold watch or a new. Designer handbag. So we get that dopamine hit because. We're finally able to buy it or do it, or, or own it or live into it. There's also this feeling that we're pretty stoked that we had the money to buy it. You know, whatever it is. That, that we finally had enough money to go out and buy the thing. That. We want for whatever reason that we want. But here's, what's interesting. Once we get the promotion. And we have that momentary. Celebration and that feeling of success, or once we buy, let's say the diamond earrings and we, we feel. Worthy and the wealthy and that we belong. There inevitably is. A Feeling. Uh, let down of sorts where. We still don't feel like we thought we would, after we did the thing or bought the thing. Do you know what I'm talking about? Because what it turns out is. We bought the thing or we earned the promotion or we. Earned the designation and the credentials. Because we thought we would feel a certain way and. We still don't feel that way even. After we. Did what we thought we needed to do to feel the way we thought we would feel. And that's because more often than not. We are trying to fill a void. With something that Not only doesn't fill the void. But can't fill the void. I think about when I train for a marathon or another endurance event certainly there's some persistence that you have to have as far as the training and the, the going out and doing the thing, even when you don't want to do it. But there are months and months of training that go into running a marathon to even getting to the start line. And. More often than not. I am extremely emotional at the beginning of the race. I'm standing in my corral. I'm waiting for the gun to go off. And waiting for it to start. And that's when I realized that everything has led to this point. That is where I feel the most proud what's so interesting to me is. Crossing the finish line and getting that metal and, and being able to notch that marathon is another accomplishment. It's kind of a let down. Which I know sounds ridiculous, But it's kind of a letdown. The same with buying something big. You know, I typically buy something big to mark, a big closing at work or to celebrate a big accomplishment. I know when I bought my diamond stud earrings. I had just closed. At that point, the biggest deal of my career. It was my first. Really big closing. Uh, once I left the practice of law and started commercial brokerage. my gross commission on that closing was more than I had ever made a year in practicing law. when I decided to quit practicing law. One of the things that was holding me. That that that kept pulling at me was how could I make the same kind of money that I was making this an attorney? Because I had. Mortgages. I had car payments. I still had,$130,000 worth of law school that, so at the time I graduated in the late nineties. I had more law school that then most people were paying for the first mortgage. On their house because obviously real estate has gone up since then. But at that time, if people were buying a starter home, they were, they were not spending that much money for it. So. My student loans were more expensive than most people were paying. The buy a house, which is bananas. But. It because I was able to buy those earrings for myself and because that payday, and again, it's gross commission. Uh, so I didn't end up with all of that in my pocket, but. It was more than I had ever made an entire year of practicing law. But even with those diamond earrings, Any time. I think that buying whatever it is. You know, whether it's diamond earrings or a gold watch or a new bracelet or a ring. I'm kind of in the stage in life where I like to buy myself nice jewelry to mark special occasions. But. I also have to admit that. There is. Oddly a moment. A quick beat in time, I guess, a moment where. I experience buyer's remorse. So first the dopamine hit, then the buyer's remorse. And I think that that plays to it's directly related to. My own money issues. And. Limiting beliefs that I have around money. You know, What if the money runs out or what if I don't make more? Or what if I buy this and I can't pay the credit card bill. Now. I will say that money issues and limiting beliefs around them are. Very personal. I'm not saying that. You should be reckless with spending money. You know, don't spend money on something big to make yourself feel better when it's going to make a difficult to pay bills next month, or, you're not going to have money. To. Pay tuition for your kid for next semester or whatever it is. I mean, don't be reckless with money. But you definitely need to get over your money issues. You've certainly earned it. You deserve to spend it in a way you want to, But I don't want to go too far down that rabbit hole. Instead, let's switch to how journaling. Can help you overcome those money issues. And other issues that you're having by spending time writing about issues that are coming up. Concerns that you have worries, anxieties, any thoughts or feelings? And how. Beneficial. It can be to journal about them. this episode. Is about creating the life you want through manifestation and journaling. And the manifestation piece. Is going to show you how you can visualize to create that life that you want. And then the journaling piece, while it will help you also figure out exactly what it is you want. And. Uh, maybe peel back the layer of the onions to understand. Why you want it, what that will mean for you? If you get it. But the journaling is very important as it comes to figuring out the blind spots the limiting beliefs and things that are holding you back from making those manifestations a reality Let's let's. Move in that direction. Um, I will say that this is just. A toe dip in the manifestation pool. Um, Because manifestation and journaling much, much bigger topics But. I want to. Explore at least on a surface level. How you can use manifestation and journaling to help you create the life you want to live. I've told you on prior episodes that. I am not a fan of affirmations. They, they just, they don't do anything for me. There's something about. Standing in front of a mirror with my hands on my hips. In the Superman pose, looking at myself in the mirror and repeating I've got this, or I'm going to crush this talk or, um, I'm, I'm. Ready or whatever it is. I'm supposed to be saying at a given moment. It just, it does not work for me. It's like my brain automatically figures out that I'm trying to convince it. That, I mean, what I'm saying and. My brain is like, bullshit. I, you don't believe that. I don't believe that you can stand there as Superman superwoman, as long as you want. With your hands on your hips and steer me straight in the eye. And I'm still not going to believe it. So while affirmation hasn't worked for me. Manifestation and journaling, I find to be. Very different and super beneficial. When I'm talking about manifestation. I'm talking about. Getting very clear on what you want. So that you can visualize it. And you can marry that. Vision. With a belief that. You have the tools and the ability to make that a reality. So on the one hand you are seeing. Your future. And on the other hand, you have the absolute belief that that will become your reality. I mean, that's, that's very concisely. How manifestation works. It's absolutely the science behind the self-talk that. Makes my morning, 5, 10, 5 effective. And I know we've talked about this before, but. the morning, 5, 10, 5, 5 things. I'm grateful for 10 dreams. I achieved. Five things I'm looking forward to today. When we dissect the 10 dreams I achieved. It's you talking to yourself about your future self? What does that future self do? What does she have? how would you describe that version of your future self? And and you write it like it's already happened. So every morning when you write it down, cause it's the same 10 dreams until you actually achieve one. And then you get to add another one to the list, but it's the same 10 dreams every morning. Written as if you have already achieved it. So when we talk about visualizing that future self and manifesting it. Each morning, if, if all you do to write down and manifest that, that piece of your life, if all you do is the morning. Five ten five. You are still every single morning, placing yourself. In. The position of feeling what it's like to be that person, because as you write down, whatever it is, let's take my mind. Number one is I am a number one New York times bestselling author. So every morning I write that down. And I. Can feel what it's like to be that person. I can momentarily visualize sitting at. A table in a bookstore with a line out the door. Signing books that I have written, I can, I can imagine conversations that I'm having with the women. Who have been impacted by the book? Aye. I can feel. Exactly. even if I before I get to that point in the bookstore. I can feel what it's like to finally write the last sentence of the book. And choose the cover design, Even though I don't. Spend much time writing. I, I mean, it takes me what. 10 seconds to write. I am a number one New York times bestselling author. Even just in those 10 seconds of putting pen to paper. And seeding that message deep in my subconscious. Then. I can, I can actually see it happening. And visualizing is so important with the manifestation. Journaling goes hand in hand with that. Because. We've got the manifestation and the visualization. And the journaling. Can help work through any problems or obstacles or limiting beliefs that might be holding me back from making that reality. Before we go in. Deeper into journaling. Let's take a quick step back. Did you have a diary? And I ask because most of us did and we used it to document what was going on in our life. But we also would use it to write down feelings we were having or situations. We were processing. I mean, think about when you were. I don't know. Uh, elementary school, junior high. And you would write about. Crushes you had on the cute new boy and document the day that he talked to you in math class, or accidentally bumped into you in the hall. And, and we would write about. Struggles that we were having with girls in our class or older girls who were making fun of us. Or Fun sleepover moments or glimpses of friendships that we wanted to. To memorialize. We wrote about issues with our parents. And siblings and other family members. I mean, there was always this running. Record of. What was going on in school, how the science experiment was coming, who was wearing a training bra who started her period, who was holding hands and making out with whom on the field trip. Right. We kind of kept this daily. Record of things that were going on in our life and how we felt about it. And at some point we stopped doing that. Because journaling. As an adult is, is. Exactly. It's at least very similar to. Using a diary. As a young girl. But. A lot of us stopped. Keeping a diary because. We were worried about someone finding it. Right. I mean, let's face it. Probably all of our parents read our diaries. But the worst outcome would be if your brother or sister, especially if they were an older brother or sister. What happened if they found it? And then they would tease you about what was in the diary or they would threaten to out you with your crush. Or they might tell your parents that you were the one who broke the lock set on the front door, or you were the one who didn't water, the plants and they died. Or you were the one who accidentally let the cat out. You know, the one, the one that you and your family spent six hours looking for one night. That cat. Your diary was a safe space to write down. Thoughts dreams, concerns, issues, anything that was going on in your life? And. I think that. If we're being honest with ourselves. One of the reasons that we don't journal as adults. Is much like this idea that an older sibling or a parent could read our diary. What happens if someone finds our personal journals? And then all of a sudden these feelings of being judged or ridiculed or being made fun of, or being found out those all come rushing back. And it, it certainly is one of the biggest objections I hear from my coaching clients is they don't want their spouse or their friends or their coworkers or their kids to find out what's really on their minds. Which. If you think about it. Is that. Is that really how you want to live? I mean, I understand that you don't want say your S you don't want your spouse to learn that. You've been flirting with the guy at work. Or that. You are starting to feel like the spark has gone in your marriage. You should be having those conversations with your spouse, right? I mean, use the journal too. Work through. Your thoughts, your emotions, your feelings about what's going on in your marriage, but then have the conversation. You can't just write it down in a journal and expect it to all be magically better. You still have to have the conversation, but the beautiful thing about journaling is it gets your thoughts, right? Before. You. Make a move. Whatever that move looks like. Interestingly though, I will say that. Half the time when Mike and I are working through issues. I will have journaled about it. I have, I've spent hours thinking about it and writing about it. How do I feel? What's the outcome here? Just. Noodling my way around a problem from every different angle. So by the time that I bring it up to him, I have to give him a little bit of time to process because while I have been processing it and thinking about it, and it's been on my mind for a while. This is oftentimes the first time he's hearing about it. So I have to give him. Some space and some, some time too. Sort through things on his own. Beyond spouses, you know, we, we worry about journaling as it relates to our job because, you know, we don't want our coworkers to. To learn that maybe. We're looking for another job or we are having personality. Struggles with the manager or with someone who reports to us. Um, You know, maybe we're afraid that. One of our friends is going to learn from reading our journals, that the relationship with her is tricky or because, you know, she's so negative Or everything. Is about her. So it's tough to be her friend. But again, you know, whether it's your marriage or your friendships or issues with your kids or. Friendship issues. Those people in your life. shouldn't read your journal. But That's absolutely. One of the biggest objections I have for my coaching clients is they don't want their spouse or friends or kids or coworkers or whoever. To find out what's really on their minds. And I guess if you have the same issue with journaling, Let me ask you this. What was your life? Now, let me ask it this way. Would your life be better if you came clean about what's on your mind with the people in your life. Would you feel more like yourself? I think so. I mean, would you feel less like you were acting a certain way to fit into your life? I mean that that's okay for high school, we all did that. Right. We, we showed up in a certain way so that we could fit in and be part of the crowd. But. Is that still serving you in your forties or in your fifties? Do you. Do you really want to act a certain way to fit into your life? Or do you want to live? Life. That is more authentically you. And only you can answer that question. My take is that journaling has very similar impacts as counseling or talking with a therapist. And the, the perks, the benefits of journaling Much better sleep. And that makes sense, right? Um, when, when you're getting things off of your mind, You're reducing your stress and it's, it's calming for you. Your. Less reactive to almost everything. When you are even, and calm and steady. And a lot of that can be. Attributed and traced back to the amount of sleep and mental rest you are getting. Um, Another benefit is stronger immune system. I certainly, I think that sleep and a stronger immune system are inextricably linked. I mean, If you're not sleeping, you're going to get sick and run down and just feel blah. So a lot of that comes back to sleep. And a third. Benefit to journaling is better memory performance. Again, I think that this one is also tied back to sleep. I mean, your brain needs some time off. Unless you do daily meditation practice. Ask yourself. When was the last time that you really. Just turned off your brain. It's probably been a long time, right. I don't mean turning off your brain, like you're standing in the checkout line. So you take out your phone and you start scrolling through social media. Do you remember? We just used to wait in line. I mean, we would sometimes read a headline on the tabloid or. Talk about the weather to the person standing behind us or. Sometimes even just take a couple of deep breaths, but. Now we reached for the phone all the time. There, there are very few moments where we aren't actively doing something. Which is why sleep is so important. And if you want to get better sleep, Then. Start writing some of the things that you were thinking about and feeling. Write them down so you can get them out of your brain. Which can give your brain some time off. Have you ever had one of those, those days where your mind is racing? All day long up until the time it's time to go to bed. And because it's still racing when you go to bed. You can't, you just have a hard time getting to sleep. Or maybe even worse yet. You finally get to sleep and then you're wide awake at 2:00 AM. And I call it the cat, go back to sleep until you cure cancer. Kind of a thing, because I don't know about your brain. But mine just goes down every rabbit hole imaginable. And I can't get back to sleep. But I should say I can get back to sleep about 15 minutes before my alarm goes off. But. You, you start thinking about, I've got to get some sleep. Oh, my gosh. I've only got, say five more hours before my alarm goes off. And then it's four more hours and three more hours. And you're still, your mind is racing. You can't get back to sleep. You can't control those thoughts. Is that ever happened to you? Of course it has, right. It happens to all of us. And Here's the truth. As mid-life women. Sleep is even harder to come by. Harder to get to sleep. Quality of sleep goes down. One of the things that helps me for sure is I keep a pen and a notebook by my bed. And anything that I am. Thinking about that. I can't quite get out of my head before I go to bed. I write it down. Just stream of consciousness, write it all out. Same as when I wake up in the middle of the night. I don't even turn on a light. I just grabbed the pen. I don't put on my reading glasses. I just write. I don't even care if I can read it in the morning. I just need to get it out of my head. So. Through the, writing it down. It helps to quiet the mind because I'm no longer requiring my brain to remember this for tomorrow or to act on it at some other point. journaling has become an integral part of giving my brain that rest. Because. Not only can I understand the thoughts and feelings more clearly. When I write them down. But I no longer have to keep remembering it. It's it's exactly why before I leave the office on a Friday afternoon, I make my to-do list for Monday. So that I don't spend the whole weekend trying to remind myself what I need to do on Monday. It's already written down. I don't have to give it another thought. And. I've cleared that. Mental space. From my to-do list, no longer lives there. It's on a piece of paper. And I don't have to spend my whole weekend thinking about it. When I am writing. When I am doing my journaling, there is. I mostly use a stream of consciousness. Here's my problem. What is coming up for me? And I just write about whatever it is that comes up. I will say one of the struggles that my coaching clients have is. They don't, they don't know what to journal about. They sit down and they end up with this writer's block. And. they're like, oh my, my, you know, I am trying to journal. You've given me some journal prompts, but I'm either writing about literally everything or literally nothing because nothing is coming up for me. I guess I'm wondering, um, this is a good time for me to ask this. I as part of a group coaching program that I am putting together. Aye. I'm thinking about providing weekly prompts for journaling as part of that group coaching program. Would that interest you. If it, if it would send me an email and just let me know that, oh, S a set of weekly journal prompts would be helpful and weekly, not daily. And I know a lot of people feel like they have to have a different topic every day. And you certainly can do that. I find that weekly journal prompts, though, you can go much deeper on an issue. If you're thinking about it over a longer period of time, and there can be some, some days when you sit down during that. That week. And nothing comes up. And that's okay. But the next day you could fill several pages. So. Anyway. Weekly journal. prompts. If that is something you would be interested in. Shoot me an email. Cause, uh, like I said, I'm, uh, In the midst of putting together a new group coaching program and think that that could be a helpful. Component. in addition to struggling about what to journal about. My coaching clients also tell me they don't have time because there's this idea that to be effective, you have to set aside. At least 30 minutes, preferably 60 minutes a day to journal. And I call bullshit on that. Because journaling doesn't have to be in paragraphs and pages. Do you prefer making outlines or making lists? Journal that way. Do you, do you prefer to write something down and then draw an arrow to a picture or a doodle? Journal that way. I mean. Journaling is a personal. Exercise. How you journal doesn't have to look the same as how your friends journal. How they journal doesn't need to look the same as how you do, because. It's for you. You know, back to that whole idea that we don't want to, we don't want people reading our journal. It's just our safe spot to write down. How we're feeling and what's coming up for us and issues that we're having. Similarly, you just need to journal in the way that is effective. For you. I will say. The biggest benefit for me and. I don't know that I have ever. Read or heard anybody talk about this? But the biggest benefit for me for journaling My past journals act as a resource for me. When I'm facing similar situations in the future. And what I mean by that is if I've had a big fight with my spouse. Or, um, if I had a really contentious phone call with my mom, Or if I'm experiencing a problem at work or. Maybe you're having the same issue with a kid that you had with your older child. I don't know. Whatever it is. You're stuck in the middle of this terrible situation. I would encourage you to write about it. Right about it right through it. What's coming up for you. How could you handle. That situation. You can make a list. You can write out paragraphs, whatever works for you. How could you handle it? And then. How did you handle it? How did you work through it? How did it ultimately turn out? Because what I find the biggest benefit for me is when I faced a similar or the same situation in the future. I can go back. Two. A past journal when I was going. Through the same thing before. And remind myself that I've, I've already made it through something like this. This is how I dealt with it before. The, this is exactly how I was feeling. I'm feeling the same way now as I did then. This is how I handled it. This is how I worked through it. This is how it turned out. And. Much like you can go and talk to a therapist or a counselor. Session after session talking about the exact same issues. You can do it with a journal as well. And I'm please don't misunderstand me. I'm not saying you should break up with your counselor or your therapist. I believe that therapy is very, very valuable. But I also know that there are some of us that like to process some of these things on our own. And if you are diligent about journaling, When you're working through something. It will be an incredible resource for you when you're facing a similar situation in the future. Makes sense, right? I mean, It's. It's telling yourself that you can do hard things because you have done hard things and you've come out on the other side of it. while we can relate to things that other people are. Telling us. Or are sharing about how they have worked through situations. The fact that we have faced these on our own and have come out the other side. What better experience than prior experience to inform your future experiences? I am a huge fan of journaling. Do I do it every day? I absolutely don't. I do. My manifestation exercises with my morning, 5, 10, 5 every day. So I definitely get that. That little bit of time each day to write down the 10 dreams I achieved. Spend some time manifesting those goals and dreams. And then. If there are other things that are weighing heavily or. You know, it doesn't even have to weigh heavy on my mind, but if there are things that I just can't. Quite put down there, there's an issue that keeps coming up. There's something that. Is on my mind. I will journal about it. And. It is such a worthwhile exercise for me. That. I highly recommended. To all of you. And I know some of you were thinking, oh, I'm not a writer. I, you know, I don't. Writing doesn't come easily to me. Well, we talked about how you can journal, however it is that works for you. You can make lists, you can draw pictures, whatever it is. However. Whatever modality that you can use to. Work through. Issues. Concerns worries. Struggles. Joy's. Whatever emotions that you are trying to. Figure out in this stage of your life. Grab a pen and a notebook. Set a timer for five minutes. See what comes up. Don't beat yourself up. If you don't have five minutes worth of. Of time to fill a page. Don't beat yourself up. If you set your timer for five minutes and you turn it off and an hour later, you realize you're still writing. There will be some days where it's much easier than others to fill a bunch of time writing. Thoughts on a page. But in the end. I think you will find that it is time well spent. I'm super interested to hear from you. How do you use journaling in your daily life or weekly life? Maybe it's not a practice that you do each day, but you have figured out a way to. Use journaling. For your benefit. I'd love to hear how you do it. That's all I've got for you this week on the school of midlife. Thanks so much for being here. I will see you right back here next week when the school of midlife is back in session. I have a question for you. When was the last time you spent a day focused completely on yourself. Away from the daily grind, the constant ding of text messages, the never ending question what's for dinner tonight. What about a weekend away. And before you start thinking that sounds a little too indulgent. Let me remind you that you can't take care of everyone else in your life. If you don't take care of yourself first. I am thrilled to personally invite you to join me at the best life reset retreat, October 12th, through the 15th. Four days and world famous sun valley, Idaho. With more than 10 hours of group coaching to figure out what you actually want in life. How you define success. And lay a groundwork for you to create a life that not only makes you happy, but also makes you feel personally fulfilled. There will be incredible group activities like happy hour paint and sips walks, hikes, a private yoga class. Your choice of spa appointments at an award-winning spa. Luxury accommodations, gourmet meals, premium drinks. And the best gift bag you have ever seen. I'm telling you this will be one of the best weekends of your life. To keep the retreat intimate. There are only 12 spots available and when they're gone, they're gone. So go right now, click the link in the show notes to grab your spot. See you in sun valley.